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  1. #1
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    Default Do you share friend's 'secrets' with your partner?

    A close friend recently told me something in strict confidence, something she'd never want her DH to know. This secret is totally safe with me, and I don't plan on telling anyone (including my DH).

    Can you keep things like this to yourself, or do you pretty much divulge everything to your other half?

    I recall a thread a few years back where some people thought that if a friend tells you something in confidence, that they should assume you would tell your partner. Whilst I tell my DH pretty much everything, I believe that if a friend tells you something they strictly want kept private, it should be assumed you keep it to yourself.

    Thoughts?

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    Whilst I think, in that situation, the right thing to do would be to keep it to yourself... I just can't do that. I share everything with my partner. If someone wanted me not to tell my partner, then they ought to ask me first whether I'm happy to do that, because - right or wrong - it's just not something I could do.

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    I think it's a given, if I tell somebody something, then they will share it with their partner.

    I recently shared something very private with a friend, and I know she told her husband..

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    In some ways it depends what it is and who it is. If it was a person that DH doesn't know and doesn't have mutual friends with and they said 'I'm buying a house' I might tell. If it was my SIL (married to dh's brother) and she said 'My husband' is being a twit and we don't have sex anymore I wouldn't.

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    Nope, a secret is a secret to me, so I never tell my DH anything said to me in confidence by a friend, as I figure if they have said it to me with the express wishes of keeping it in confidence, well then that's what I do. That said, I still don't tell him secrets even if they haven't stated it to be kept confidential.

    Quite a few times I have had a friend tell me something and they've been surprised when they find out that DH didn't know because I didn't tell him and then they've said things like, "Oh, I wouldn't have minded if you told your DH, I expected you too", that always surprises me.

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    I almost always would tell my partner, and consider confidences still kept. There are a few circumstances I wouldn't, but they would be fairly extreme.
    I think it needs to be expressly requested to exclude a SO, and that's *before* the confidence has been shared so you have the choice of not partaking.
    In my circumstance though, DH is probably better at keeping secrets than me, even if the third party is someone he also knows.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Uniquey View Post
    Nope, a secret is a secret to me, so I never tell my DH anything said to me in confidence by a friend, as I figure if they have said it to me with the express wishes of keeping it in confidence, well then that's what I do. That said, I still don't tell him secrets even if they haven't stated it to be kept confidential.

    Quite a few times I have had a friend tell me something and they've been surprised when they find out that DH didn't know because I didn't tell him and then they've said things like, "Oh, I wouldn't have minded if you told your DH, I expected you too", that always surprises me.
    This. I now don't tell friends private things as I assume they tell their partners. I don't tell DH things.

    I am privy to a lot of highly confidential information through my work and never tell him any of it. I'm used to having to keep things from him as he is from me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by amyd View Post
    In some ways it depends what it is and who it is. If it was a person that DH doesn't know and doesn't have mutual friends with and they said 'I'm buying a house' I might tell. If it was my SIL (married to dh's brother) and she said 'My husband' is being a twit and we don't have sex anymore I wouldn't.
    This. I usually share with dh but for example his best friend is in a volatile relationship with my best friend so there's certain things she's told me that I simply can't share with dh as it would put him in an awkward position.

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    We pretty much share everything. I know my closest friends share everything with their husbands too, so I would never tell them something if I didn't want their DHs to know too. It goes without saying in our circle of friends. However I would always stipulate that a secret is just that, so my husband was clear not to blab.

    I am of the opinion that there are no secrets in a marriage. I appreciate not everyone views marriage this way but that's what we believe in. If you can't share a secret with your life partner then who are you supposed to share it with?

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    Depending on what it is I normally will tell dh. If it is a very personal issue or my friend told me not to tell anyone then I wont tell dh.
    Just because I am married to someone doesnt give me the right to share my friends secret. That is their private information it isnt my secret to share.

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