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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Oh I will add - just do what works for now. You know your baby. If they need to feed to sleep now that's fine. It won't be forever.
    That maybe the case- not many 21 year olds breastfeed to sleep. I will add though that if a habit is ongoing during the 4 month sleep regression, chances are it will probably stick around for longer/be harder to kick (if that's what the parents want to do). The older a baby gets, the harder a habit can be to break (if that's what the parents want to do).

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    thanks VP. I've been feeding to sleep as that's the only thing that seems to work? not sure how else to do it as he just grizzles and cries and gets worked up?
    It's a combination of allowing the odd grizzle (never emotional) and setting the sleep scene right (temp, bedding comforters, no aiding to sleep, no post sleep transferring ). Timing of day naps is also critical. At 4 months 3-4 seems a really long awake time. At that age I would aim for 2 hour awake time and maybe 2.5-3 before the final bedtime if bub can handle it.

    If bub absolutely will not settle - try the Shush/pat until bub is drowsy. You may have to start/stop a few times if bub cracks it, and you may have to continue to try over 1-2 weeks before bub gets the hang of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    That maybe the case- not many 21 year olds breastfeed to sleep. I will add though that if a habit is ongoing during the 4 month sleep regression, chances are it will probably stick around for longer/be harder to kick (if that's what the parents want to do). The older a baby gets, the harder a habit can be to break (if that's what the parents want to do).
    I'm confused. there must be a ton of hubbers that feed their babies (older than 4m) to sleep?

    I get that habits formed now might be harder to kick but it's also about getting through each day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's a combination of allowing the odd grizzle (never emotional) and setting the sleep scene right (temp, bedding comforters, no aiding to sleep, no post sleep transferring ). Timing of day naps is also critical. At 4 months 3-4 seems a really long awake time. At that age I would aim for 2 hour awake time and maybe 2.5-3 before the final bedtime if bub can handle it.

    If bub absolutely will not settle - try the Shush/pat until bub is drowsy. You may have to start/stop a few times if bub cracks it, and you may have to continue to try over 1-2 weeks before bub gets the hang of it.
    but isn't a comforter/shush & pat an aiding to sleep? same as feeding?

    I'm really fed up with this. it's like everyone has something to contribute but it's at odds with everything else you get told.

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm confused. there must be a ton of hubbers that feed their babies (older than 4m) to sleep?

    I get that habits formed now might be harder to kick but it's also about getting through each day.
    True. However looking at the bigger picture it can also be a case of short term pain (crappier few days/week) for long term gain (a bub that self settles and sleeps through - if that's what the parents want or need).

    Don't get me wrong - the 4 month regression can be really tough. And you're right - it's up to each mum how they deal with it. There are worse things that a parent could do than feed their child to sleep!

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm confused. there must be a ton of hubbers that feed their babies (older than 4m) to sleep?

    I get that habits formed now might be harder to kick but it's also about getting through each day.
    I did. And yes, lots of us did. Fwiw getting through the day to day was paramount for me; going through a marriage breakdown with PND and a hungry hungry little boy who avoided sleep like the plague. I am not really worried about habits to be honest - at a random point DS self-weaned, then at another random point he slept through and feeding overnight was a moot point. Nothing I ever tried did or would have changed his sleeping. I lost so much sleep and joy trying. I eventually went for 'do what works' (which in my case was feeding to sleep and occasionally co-sleeping) and suddenly life was a lot easier.

    He still likes a bottle in bed but I don't begrudge him that comfort even though it would bug some as he's nearly four. And still sleeps in a cot.

    Really it's whatever works for you. There's no perfect way.

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    Default surviving the 4m sleep regression?

    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    but isn't a comforter/shush & pat an aiding to sleep? same as feeding?

    I'm really fed up with this. it's like everyone has something to contribute but it's at odds with everything else you get told.
    It's all confusing - I felt the pain with that one during the early days with ds1!

    Let me try and clarify.

    Bubs like a consistent environment to sleep in. If something is different from when bub goes to sleep and when bub wakes, bub may stir between sleep cycles and think "wtf! What happened to my boob/music/dummy/light/warm blanket."

    Nothing wrong with a baby needing help getting to sleep. Nearly everything can be considered aiding bub to sleep. However I like to break aids into two camps: those that may require adult intervention to maintain through the night (feeding to sleep, dummy, rocking) and those that don't (cloth comforter). I'm not making a judgement on those parents that are happy to reinstate an aid through the night - it's just that night wakings and me don't get along too well (for me the risk of PND with sleep deprivation was too high and not something I wanted to risk).

    Shush/patting a baby to the point they are drowsy is like hedging your bets half way. It's not fully aiding a bub to sleep, so it's less likely to result in bub waking through the night. Then again, it's not leaving a bub to self settle, so it's likely going to take longer to encourage bub to self settle using shush/pat. The idea with shush/pat is that the more bub gets used to it, the more alert you leave them before stopping (slowly wean them off).

    Hope this helps..
    Last edited by VicPark; 16-06-2016 at 19:40.

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm confused. there must be a ton of hubbers that feed their babies (older than 4m) to sleep?

    I get that habits formed now might be harder to kick but it's also about getting through each day.
    There are heaps of us who feed to sleep. It's the only way my dd went to sleep when she was younger. For me it was a case of what worked, what got us through with minimal stress, and what was peaceful. She's now perfectly capable of falling asleep without feeding. My advice would be to do whatever works for you.

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    I am surprised babies have the cognition to remember where the fell asleep and where they've woken up? or is that part of the mental development their brains undergo as part of this 4m regression?

    I figure boobing to sleep is something he will grow out of eventually on his own. maybe he won't, but it's working for now so I'm going with it. I would not be BF a 2 or 3 year old to sleep though. I know some might but that's too much for me, I need my independence lol.

    so I put him in his bassinet before and gave him a warm bottle (formula) as he was fussing on the boob. I then patted him to sleep. he woke up and started carrying on but I gave him my hand to play with in the bassinet (avoided picking him up as he wasn't crying, just grizzling a bit) and managed to pat/shush him to sleep. that was over 2 hours ago so I'm happy. feels like a small win.

    hopefully tonight isn't too brutal....

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I am surprised babies have the cognition to remember where the fell asleep and where they've woken up? or is that part of the mental development their brains undergo as part of this 4m regression?
    ....
    It's more environmental and physical instinct. The problem becomes more prevalent during the 4 month sleep regression as that's when night sleep cycles commence and bubs start needing to transition from one sleep cycle to another. If, when bub is semi awake between sleep cycles, bub notices a changed environment its all over red rover. If you're lucky you may get a 4-5 hour stint, however when the heaviest part of the night sleep period is over (4-5 hours) and bub is more awake when transitioning between cycles, bub is more likely to notice/ be disturbed by a changed environment and wake. That's why many recommend trying to settle bub first during the 4 month sleep regression (instead of feeding). Chances are bub is waking due to difficulties transitioning between sleep cycles and not necessarily hunger.

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