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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD Drama between friends at playgroup

    2 boys, 3.5yo, play together very regularly. Boy A is more assertive/physical, full of beans type. Boy B is more discreet and sensitive.

    The mostly play well together with Boy A taking the lead and Boy B happily following along. When it gets a little rough Boy B will withdraw himself from the play.

    So that day we were playing at the park. Boy A running around and kicking bushes with a stick, running after birds.
    Boy B playing on his own on the playground equipment (Slides, etc).

    At some point Boy B tries to climb onto a big duck (those types of play equipment that sits on a huge spring so you can rock back/forth?). He's halfway there when Boy A comes running back towards the big duck, jump on top of it, push Boy A down and tell him that it is his spot. He's not willing to share nor to jump off nor to feel/say sorry for hurting his friend and pushing past.

    As parent of Boy A or Boy B, would you have intervened?
    (Boy B is in tears by now)

    What would you have done?
    Last edited by ExcuseMyFrench; 14-06-2016 at 12:56.

  2. #2
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    As either child's parent I would have intervened, for sure. I would have gone over and said "B was having a turn on that, A you can have a turn after, hop off and let B back on". Then if I was boy A's parent I would have spoken further to him about sharing how he has hurt his friend's feelings.

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  4. #3
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    As parent of child a, I would have apologised for my child and specifically spoken to my child then and there, so he understands the impact of his actions.

    As parent of child b, I would hope the parent would addressed the issue similarly as I would have.

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  6. #4
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    This is pretty much what happened. Child A was spoken to, asked to hop off etc but to no avail. Child A stayed put, didn't move and kept playing.

    I'm the parent of child B and I just didn't know what to tell him. When my kids behave in that way I just remove the kid that "misbehave" from the situation and talk to him on the side. If he/she is still uncooperative we just stop the play altogether.
    So I feel like I fail child B in this instance and I'm annoyed at my friend, parent of child A, for letting her child walk over mine. But in the same breath I feel like my kid needs to learn and sort thess things out himself and be more assertive IYKWIM

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    This is pretty much what happened. Child A was spoken to, asked to hop off etc but to no avail. Child A stayed put, didn't move and kept playing.

    I'm the parent of child B and I just didn't know what to tell him. When my kids behave in that way I just remove the kid that "misbehave" from the situation and talk to him on the side. If he/she is still uncooperative we just stop the play altogether.
    So I feel like I fail child B in this instance and I'm annoyed at my friend, parent of child A, for letting her child walk over mine. But in the same breath I feel like my kid needs to learn and sort thess things out himself and be more assertive IYKWIM
    Ugh, I hate those half hearted attempts at discipline. If that was my child and he refused to get off, I would have simply picked him up and taken him off of it! It's not hard. Then it'll just get worse as he gets older because he knows if he whinges/tantys enough, mum will give up and leave him to do what he wants.
    Sorry, I know she's your friend. But that would have really annoyed me.

    As for your comment about your DS learning to resolve conflict himself- yes, he does eventually, but they still need help at that age.

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  9. #6
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    If it was a one off I'd let it go to be honest. Sometimes the bigger picture has to win (boys are still friends, you and mum are still friends) and you have to let this go through to the keeper so to speak.

    I know with my kids some days they are boy b and other days they can be boy a depending on how they feel and just generally whether they are in the mood to be painful or compliant. I try and always remove them / make them say sorry etc but sometimes it just goes awry.

    If it happened regularly I'd be reassessing the kids friendship (and my friendship with the mum) but as a one off I'd just let it go.

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    Just by way of example we attended a playgroup when DS was a baby and DD2 was only 2 years old. I loved the other mums but a few of the kids were just unruly and their parents didn't really do anything to intervene. I tried to ignore it but I could see DD2 becoming more and more upset about it and in the end we just had to stop going.

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  13. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Sorry, I know she's your friend. But that would have really annoyed me.

    As for your comment about your DS learning to resolve conflict himself- yes, he does eventually, but they still need help at that age.
    That's why I posted here. I think I cut her/them a lot of slack because they are my friends.

    It's DH who mentioned that to me the other day, that they were really slack with parenting their son. I got annoyed at him for saying so but it kinda open my eyes... Then I thought I'd get the eyes of BH on it too!

    We already had to cancel a wkd away with them because Child A was very rough with ours and they wouldn't do much about it. It's a pain cause they are good friends but we see less of them because of that.

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    My kid can sometimes be like child A no matter how hard I try to teach him to share, he can be extra assertive and doesn't fear kids twice his age.

    I would have gone and made him get off and tried to get him to say sorry, that you don't push etc. and that he can play on something else until its his turn.

    It can be hard being a parent of an uber confident kid, you feel you're constantly on the watch for these situations but I almost always intervene, esp when the other kid is getting upset.

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  16. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I know with my kids some days they are boy b and other days they can be boy a depending on how they feel and just generally whether they are in the mood to be painful or compliant. I try and always remove them / make them say sorry etc but sometimes it just goes awry.

    If it happened regularly I'd be reassessing the kids friendship (and my friendship with the mum) but as a one off I'd just let it go.
    Completely agree. In this relationship, the Boy A/Boy B are always the same but yes my son can def be a Boy A with other kids where he feels he can be on top! Mostly with his little sister, but she's getting good at fighting back

    Yes they are still good friends, like nothing happened, so no big deal.

    It does happen every time we get together though.
    Last edited by ExcuseMyFrench; 14-06-2016 at 13:40.


 

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