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  1. #51
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    Default My partner and I are debating. Need help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Meg2 View Post
    i think the only one behaving inappropriately in this case is the dh who is basically trying to 's1ut shame' the op. the op was mucking around with a friend, the men made an incorrect assumption and were presumably disappointed when they went in for a closer look, no harm done.
    men $lut shame as a way to exert control over women and keep them under the thumb.

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    Sorry I should have been more clearer. I wasn't it a comparison to your situation it was a comparison to society siding with the victim. There have been numerous cases where a girl has dressed provocatively, flirted all night with verbal and non verbal communication, accepted drinks etc then willingly goes into a bathroom with a football player ( as an example), states yes at the time but then regrets her actions later and plays the victim. The media is to afraid to call it as it is in the fear they will be called victim blamers
    Your posts scream of victim blaming and remind me of this video:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h95-IL3C-Z8

    Attitudes like yours perpetuate the myth that women are to blame for being s.exually assaulted.

    OP in my opinion your DH is out of line.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by ElastiGirl View Post
    No not at all. His focus was just purely on the type of attention I got, and how he thought I was responsible for it. Basically he just got jealous and couldn't admit that and need to blame me. And that is what we were discussing before I posted in here, he wanted others peoples view on it.
    Well hopefully he's working on it then.
    No doubt if he's that sensitive there's been other things he has issues with, or more to come.

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  7. #54
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    Sounds like OP's DH is open to our views on this and challenging his own preconceived notions of how men and women should behave/who to "blame" etc.
    So that's really positive.
    Many people find it very confronting to challenge such deeply ingrained ideas.
    Even those who aren't (or don't see themselves as) meaning harm

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  9. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    men $lut shame as a way to exert control over women and keep them under the thumb.
    I have experience more sl.ut shaming from women then I ever did from men. I have even read it on this forum many times down to how someone was dressed at their husbands Christmas party.
    Women use s.lut shaming to control, humilate and dominate other women.
    It works both ways. Women are just as controlling and nasty. It's a talk everyone should have with their children regardless of gender.

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  11. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I have experience more sl.ut shaming from women then I ever did from men. I have even read it on this forum many times down to how someone was dressed at their husbands Christmas party.
    Women use s.lut shaming to control, humilate and dominate other women.
    It works both ways. Women are just as controlling and nasty. It's a talk everyone should have with their children regardless of gender.
    I actually have to agree with this. Women definitely s1ut shame. Alot. Whether trying to feel safe and set themselves apart, to humiliate/dominate etc. Lots of reasons.
    But i also agree with the original statement of "men" doing it because i read it as "male oriented society". Which is why women tend to be shamed for things that men would be high fived for.
    Plus men might do it for different reasons.
    But women definitely do this as well.
    To be honest i think I've even been guilty of saying something stupid that ultimately s1ut shamed another woman at some point without thinking. Very hurtful thing to do..

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    Also i think women tend to s1ut shame in a different way. A "you are and i am not" statement is more likely and ultimately more 'noticeable' than the form it takes coming from misogynistic men who dont need to directly insult someone to express this. Hope that makes sense.

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    I think men do it not only to humiliate and dominate but it's a wonderfully convenient excuse to shirk responsibility.

    I see it a lot from women in cases of their husband cheating. Oh she's a sl*t, she's a home wrecker. No wonder he slept with her, look at how she dresses and how provocatively she acts! I find it's often to take responsibility OFF their husbands. When they can force sole responsibility onto the hussie, then it's easier to take back their poor husbands who were ensnared by the said hussie.

    I know the topic is veering off, but it's all part of the big picture.

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    Default My partner and I are debating. Need help.

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think men do it not only to humiliate and dominate but it's a wonderfully convenient excuse to shirk responsibility.

    I see it a lot from women in cases of their husband cheating. Oh she's a sl*t, she's a home wrecker. No wonder he slept with her, look at how she dresses and how provocatively she acts! I find it's often to take responsibility OFF their husbands. When they can force sole responsibility onto the hussie, then it's easier to take back their poor husbands who were ensnared by the said hussie.

    I know the topic is veering off, but it's all part of the big picture.
    I agree delirium, I guess in that scenario it would be easier to blame the woman because if she were to blame her husband then that would mean she would have to 'do' something about it, if the blame lay on the woman then they could both agree it was her and it would create a chance for them to move on. I have seen this happen many times over unfortunately.
    Last edited by ThreePeasPlease; 11-06-2016 at 15:51.

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    I actually think the reason we s.l.u.t shame is more complicated in the context of sexual assault.

    It's often an attitude of self preservation. "She was asking for it", or "she encouraged it", give us some sense of protection that it won't happen to us. We think if we don't dress provocatively, or we don't dance provocatively, then it won't happen to us. But that's a red herring as its not about how a person dresses.

    I remember when Jill Maher went missing what was so confronting for so many of us was that she did nothing that unusual that put herself in harms way, yet she still was hurt.

    This is such a hard area as I have daughters and I don't want them to dress to attract attention, yet don't want them to feel shame for hiding themselves.

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