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  1. #31
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    To OP, I don't think your behaviour or the men's reactions were all that scandalous really. Just drunken silliness. Seems silly to bring it up all these years later but hopefully it'll help him get over "it" (whatever "it" is = probably something he needs to work out)

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    So you're attacking me because I agree with your partner in this debate. You asked for opinions and I agree with your partner. If you're acting provocatively in a public place it's possible that it will attract the attention of others even if that's not your intention. The men in this case were just excited as that sort of behaviour by two tipsy girls in previous experience HAS continued to be a performance.

    Just because we're female doesn't give us the right to do what we want when we want.
    We need to take responsibility for what we do and how that impacts others.

    So my responsibility and how it impacts others based on this post topic: I knew you would be put back because of my comments as I'm not agreeing with you, I'm agreeing with your partner ( who you've already expressed you disagree with).

    society is so PC now it's telling women they can dress in a mini skirt and walk down dark alleys or go into the male bathrooms with a whole football team with confidence. Society and the media are to scared of being called victim blamers ( like I have been) but come on you don't go into a male toilet in a nightclub with a whole football team to have a cup of tea. If you don't put yourself in those situations then the impression and opportunity can't arise.

    Verbal language is only a small way in which humans communicate ( studies have suggested less than 10%)
    I would hardly say I was attacking you. I was responding to your reply of which I disagreed with. I asked that you explain how your views on women's rights.

    Further, comparing my situation to an example of going into a bathroom with a whole football team is absolutely ludicrous. And lastly, we were not acting provocatively, and my partner wouldn't have thought anything about had these men not paid it any attention

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    They just ran over to get a better look, from a far how did they know it was just two friends innocently mucking around
    To clarify, the "she" i referred to was the woman in the mens toilet having tea with the football team who is then, im assuming, assaulted because she was in the wrong place with the wrong people and thus the "opportunity " arose.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    By comparing a bull charging at a red flag with women having some accountability for others' reactions is ridiculous. Nothing, absolutely nothing, gives another person the right to assume permission based on the way a female (or male, but let's face it, majority of victim blaming is aimed at us) acts. Permission isn't based on assumptions; it's as clear as "yes".
    You make it sound like men have no control over their actions. That they're less evolved than us and we have to tread carefully. Bullsh!t. How insulting to the majority of men out there that respect others.
    I suggest you research communication; the verbal yes only makes up less than 10% of the communication; the saying actions speak louder than words is very much true. From a far in this situation the men thought the women were about to put on a show, being a little tipsy themselves they went in for a closer look.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    I suggest you research communication; the verbal yes only makes up less than 10% of the communication; the saying actions speak louder than words is very much true. From a far in this situation the men thought the women were about to put on a show, being a little tipsy themselves they went in for a closer look.
    Perhaps we are confusing sexual consent with drunkenly making a mistake/misinterpreting a situation?

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by ElastiGirl View Post
    I would hardly say I was attacking you. I was responding to your reply of which I disagreed with. I asked that you explain how your views on women's rights.

    Further, comparing my situation to an example of going into a bathroom with a whole football team is absolutely ludicrous. And lastly, we were not acting provocatively, and my partner wouldn't have thought anything about had these men not paid it any attention
    Sorry I should have been more clearer. I wasn't it a comparison to your situation it was a comparison to society siding with the victim. There have been numerous cases where a girl has dressed provocatively, flirted all night with verbal and non verbal communication, accepted drinks etc then willingly goes into a bathroom with a football player ( as an example), states yes at the time but then regrets her actions later and plays the victim. The media is to afraid to call it as it is in the fear they will be called victim blamers

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yoghurt View Post
    Perhaps we are confusing sexual consent with drunkenly making a mistake/misinterpreting a situation?
    Having said that, if, once the situation was clearly not a "show", the men continued to be inappropriate and push for more, then THAT is where the issue is. In which case yes thet are responsible for their own damn behaviour regardless of how "provocatively" they interpreted the situation to be

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  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    So you're attacking me because I agree with your partner in this debate. You asked for opinions and I agree with your partner. If you're acting provocatively in a public place it's possible that it will attract the attention of others even if that's not your intention. The men in this case were just excited as that sort of behaviour by two tipsy girls in previous experience HAS continued to be a performance.

    Just because we're female doesn't give us the right to do what we want when we want.
    We need to take responsibility for what we do and how that impacts others.

    So my responsibility and how it impacts others based on this post topic: I knew you would be put back because of my comments as I'm not agreeing with you, I'm agreeing with your partner ( who you've already expressed you disagree with).

    society is so PC now it's telling women they can dress in a mini skirt and walk down dark alleys or go into the male bathrooms with a whole football team with confidence. Society and the media are to scared of being called victim blamers ( like I have been) but come on you don't go into a male toilet in a nightclub with a whole football team to have a cup of tea. If you don't put yourself in those situations then the impression and opportunity can't arise.

    Verbal language is only a small way in which humans communicate ( studies have suggested less than 10%)
    This is disgusting.

    Humans may be animals but we KNOW right from wrong. We have built a society with laws in place to prevent crime, we have built infrastructure, corporations, an economy and here you are acting like the degredation of women should be expected because we belong to an extremely broad animalia family???

    You are essentially saying men cannot control themselves and it's up to us to make sure they don't cross the line. ***** this backwards way of thinking. Men are not sharks or wolves or lions or bulls. They are HUMAN BEINGS who KNOW right from wrong. They are in complete control of their actions and should be held accountable. No victim should ever have to put up with seeing or hearing this type of garbage.

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  11. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yoghurt View Post
    To OP, I don't think your behaviour or the men's reactions were all that scandalous really. Just drunken silliness. Seems silly to bring it up all these years later but hopefully it'll help him get over "it" (whatever "it" is = probably something he needs to work out)
    And in this case I agree with this statement; whilst I side with your partner i also side with you that it's a long time to still be holding onto this feeling, and he should have addressed it at the time if he had an issue or move on

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  13. #40
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    i think the only one behaving inappropriately in this case is the dh who is basically trying to 's1ut shame' the op. the op was mucking around with a friend, the men made an incorrect assumption and were presumably disappointed when they went in for a closer look, no harm done.
    Last edited by Meg2; 11-06-2016 at 12:11.

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