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  1. #1
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    Default My partner and I are debating. Need help.

    4 years ago my partner and I went to an Oktoberfest party. It was a really great night from what I remember, but recently when it was bought up in discussion I learned that my partner was actually upset at me because he thought I provoked some sort of reaction from a few of the men there, which obviously lead to a much deeper discussion on the topic of holding me accountable for other people's reactions.

    This is what happened. My friend and I were acting pretty dumb, it was late into the night and we were tipsy and taking photos. While we were taking photos 3 men from the balcony apparently noticed us and proceeded to quickly run past my partner and exclaimed 'she's Wild!, shes about to do something" and ran to where we were to watch as though my friend and I were about to put on some sort of show.

    We weren't. We were posing for photos which resulted in a photo like this. (will attached in comments w faces blanked out)

    Turns out he was upset at this for a long time. He blamed me for how they reacted and suggested I provoked their response and has held me accountable for all these years! We have talked about this for the last few days and I have tried to explain that maybe he got jealous, but I was no way responsible for how they reacted and he really should have been more disappointment in how they behaved instead of think if I behaved differently they would have not reacted the way they did.

    I cant help but feel this is a little like a woman wears a mini skirt and walks down the street, she attracts a lot of wolf whistling, bf doesn't like it and gets upset with girl as if it was something that she did.

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by ThreePeasPlease; 10-06-2016 at 11:32.

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    Default My partner and I are debating. Need help.

    Photo deleted
    Last edited by ThreePeasPlease; 10-06-2016 at 21:40.

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    Default My partner and I are debating. Need help.

    umm pretty dumb poses and I can see how it would be taken the wrong way (especially by drunken guys) but why is your partner only bringing this up now? he should've addressed this years ago after it happened. I'm actually more shocked he's held onto this resentment/anger for so long. surely after 4 years, he'd realise you're not a cheap slutty drunk putting on a "show" for men and just let it go? sorry but there needs to be a statute of limitations on dredging up old issues. if he didn't address it right away, or within a month of it happening, he waives all right to be upset about it now. especially 4 years down the track.

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    I think your partner needs to let it go, if he had an issue he should have said something 4yrs ago! To me it just looks like a typical drunken photo not like your about to go and put on a show but either way if he had a problem he should've spoken up.

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    tell him to get over it. too late to get huffy bout it now... move on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm actually more shocked he's held onto this resentment/anger for so long. .
    Just to clarify, he was definitely upset at this, but I dont think it was more than that. This wouldn't come up in a psych session or anything, its more he remembers it the way he does and holds me accountable. Thats the part that blows my mind.

    But yes, I do agree that there should be a time limit on such things.

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    Default My partner and I are debating. Need help.

    He's being unreasonable. Why are women always blamed for the reaction of men? But this is the backwards culture we live in. "Don't get drunk, don't wear that, you are just asking for it" It infuriates me.

    Edit corrected spelling
    Last edited by Olive Oil; 10-06-2016 at 11:04.

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    He is being really unreasonable. You are not responsible for the actions of others, regardless of how drunk/silly you were.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Izzys Dragon View Post
    He is being really unreasonable. You are not responsible for the actions of others, regardless of how drunk/silly you were.


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    Definitely this!

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    Honestly all you were doing was having fun with a friend. Your partner sounds really insecure and it's pretty gross that he's blaming you for a bunch of men being stupid.

    You were hanging out with a mate entertaining yourselves, FFS. Maybe he should have called out the men at that party instead of being angry at you for doing absolutely nothing wrong and holding onto it for 4 bloody years.

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