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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Knowing the circumstances, I would probably give up guardianship so that from a logistical POV others caring for my son could make medical and life decisions for him when I couldn't.

    But that doesn't mean I would stop seeing him and stop trying to get better. Right now he is most certainly better in a more stable home but that doesn't mean you should end contact. I can guarantee you that you will regret it, and it will crush him.

    He's almost 13. Have you asked him what he wants? I would be basing a lot of my decision on that. He isn't small anymore.

    And I want to say I admire you. So many parents that aren't providing stable homes for a million reasons don't put their kids first. I know even through all the MI this must hurt you so much but you are still putting him top of the list
    Delirium said it perfectly.

    Absolutely ask your son. At that age, a lot of kids have very strong and very deep emotions on the issues surrounding them, but often adults underestimate their capacity to deal with these issues. He's already lived through a lot with you. He knows what it could be like - on both ends of the spectrum.

    Another consideration if you give up guardianship, and decide not to see him because it is in his immediate best interests - would you have enough motivation to not suicide? It's a big and scary thought, but has to be a consideration. I know people whose parent's have suicided and those who have experienced parental severe mental illness (even if they weren't in that parent's care), and it has had much larger repercussions for long term mental health than the children seeing their parent while in severe mental illness.

    Huge hugs. You really are an amazing person.

  2. #12
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    Hugs to you. Are his other grandparents in the picture ? Fathers parents ? If your parents aren't that suitable, is it an option for them to help you and him out ? hard decision for you and him bless him for loving you so much though. He must be a very strong little boy to keep you by his side through thick and thin xx

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Is it possible for both yourself and your son to move in with your parents? That way you have support in the home and are still with him, and if you need an in-patient stay he is already settled there.

    I know you say your mum is toxic but it sounds like there are little family options and the Dept will place him there anyway. Why not move in too? You could tell your parents the load won't be so heavy for them and for you, you get to be with him. It's win-win.
    Im going to disagree with this im afraid. I have an extremely toxic mother with a narcissistic disorder and moving in with her which i jave done several times since having ds ws the worst thing i could do. It stressed me out to the point where i developed an anxiety disorder. The op doesn't need the extra stress. Op is there anyone else you could move in with? Rent some rooms or a boarding house. St least you would hsve people sround you. Isolation just makes you feel worse. Hugs to you.

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    Mrs Tickle  (02-10-2016)

  5. #14
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    Thanks for the replies (& support rather than the judgement I expected). Moving in with my parents is definitely not going to happen - it was forced on us for 4 days when I was first discharged from APARC & less than 48 hours for one lot of ECT & my mum & I were ready to kill each other. Every one of my mental health treating team who were at the family meeting have said to stop contact with her with one saying she was the worst she has come across in a family meeting - unfortunately DHS don't agree & due to their focus on kinship care atm I have to put up with them for ECT times at least.

    Sharing care with them or my brother really isn't a solution due to the fact that my parents live 2 hours away in one direction, my brother the same distance in another direction. His paternal family are all based in the US so no help there.
    @Tiny Dancer - the suicide risk is something that is very real & was actually pointed out to my by my recovery clinician today when I was talking to her about it - she works in acute care as well (is switching to working with the associated CAT team in a few weeks) and has said in her view if I did decide to walk away she would see the risk as unacceptable and would either insist on another inpatient stay or place me on a compulsory treatment order without hesitation.

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  7. #15
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    If (and this is a huge if) you decide to give temporary care to someone else (i.e. a foster family) are you able to have a say in who he will live with? And would you be able to (or think you can cope with) see him often?

    Because I know and can see your reasons for thinking of this. Honestly, I wish there was a different kind of support that could be given - like a live in carer or something? That way you could still be with him but also have someone to help support and look after you if needed.

    I can see family will not work in your situation which is why I have not suggested it.

    Lots and lots of hugs.

  8. #16
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    Is your brother supportive of you? Does he understand your mental illness? I don't know if this is a option or not for you but would you be able to move close to him and do share care?

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by pointless1 View Post
    Thanks for the replies (& support rather than the judgement I expected). Moving in with my parents is definitely not going to happen - it was forced on us for 4 days when I was first discharged from APARC & less than 48 hours for one lot of ECT & my mum & I were ready to kill each other. Every one of my mental health treating team who were at the family meeting have said to stop contact with her with one saying she was the worst she has come across in a family meeting - unfortunately DHS don't agree & due to their focus on kinship care atm I have to put up with them for ECT times at least.

    Sharing care with them or my brother really isn't a solution due to the fact that my parents live 2 hours away in one direction, my brother the same distance in another direction. His paternal family are all based in the US so no help there.
    @Tiny Dancer - the suicide risk is something that is very real & was actually pointed out to my by my recovery clinician today when I was talking to her about it - she works in acute care as well (is switching to working with the associated CAT team in a few weeks) and has said in her view if I did decide to walk away she would see the risk as unacceptable and would either insist on another inpatient stay or place me on a compulsory treatment order without hesitation.
    It's something that I know my dad struggled with (we lived with mum and did half hols and 2nd weekends with dad). I also know you have said before that your son being with you is the only reason you haven't.

    I really do think you are amazing for considering best thing possible for your son, even if it is scary and so hard, and you know it would send you back down into the black hell hole you've been working so hard to escape.

    You've been dealt a pretty shi**y hand. I wish you had more people in a support network to help you through this. That's not a reflection on you. More that I wish those who should be there for you were there without question or hesitation. I hope that you find the right combination of treatments soon. You really deserve a bit of a break.

  10. #18
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    Just wondering if there's an update to this.

  11. #19
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    ATM DS is living with my parents in my home & going 2 hrs away to their house every weekend while I am in hospital. He is threatening to run away if he has to keep living with my mum (a new thing that has started today). I have a court date in a couple of weeks to try to get the order amended for him to stay with the family of a friend who are willing to have him stay there for as long as I need him to.

    All the while my treating team, particularly my recovery clinician is highly against this move because she rightly thinks that if I see DS happy with this family this takes away the barrier to me harming myself. But I cannot see it any other way than it is what is best for him & know he would be well cared for there, far more than what I can give him

  12. #20
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    I can see where your clinician is coming from but I also know that as a parent I would want stability for my child and away from your parents.

    As a mother I would say fight for what is best for your son xx


 

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