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  1. #1
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    Default would you leave your child

    Say you had a severe mental illness (that has meant being in residential care/hospital for just over 3 months) that is not going away & severe enough that you are having ongoing maintenance ECT for. It had impacted your child enough that there had been several reports made to DHS over the years & supports in place, and financial insecurity that will always be an issue due to the severity of the illness.

    There have been psychotic episodes in the past from the illness, and well as periods of dissociation that cannot be accounted for and now memory issues from the ECT.

    You are a single parent, his father is deceased & he will be a teenager in 6 months. You cannot provide for him either emotionally or financially or in any practical ways. The house is always a mess, family meals are almost non-existent, even when you do cook the evening meal you can't cook for crap.

    Would you walk away from your child, knowing that he would have his needs met better in another home with a mentally stable carer where he will always know where he stands.

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    I can't answer that. Such a hard question. No one has the right to judge anyone though who honestly feels that way.

    I do know that my brother took his own life leaving 2 very young children in the care of an incredibly unstable mother. It has taken my niece over a decade to forgive him for doing that. She misses him every day.

    She knows he was a mess, and couldn't be a father to her or her brother. She just wishes he'd got his s--t together eventually and stayed alive to see her turn 21.

    So I guess would I? Possibly but I'd spend every single moment of my life after that trying to get myself back so I could get my child back.

    Please don't quote for privacy reasons.

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    Yep I would if they had somewhere happy to live and they knew exactly the reasons.

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    Knowing the circumstances, I would probably give up guardianship so that from a logistical POV others caring for my son could make medical and life decisions for him when I couldn't.

    But that doesn't mean I would stop seeing him and stop trying to get better. Right now he is most certainly better in a more stable home but that doesn't mean you should end contact. I can guarantee you that you will regret it, and it will crush him.

    He's almost 13. Have you asked him what he wants? I would be basing a lot of my decision on that. He isn't small anymore.

    And I want to say I admire you. So many parents that aren't providing stable homes for a million reasons don't put their kids first. I know even through all the MI this must hurt you so much but you are still putting him top of the list

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    Just wanted to add a million hugs. I know a little of your story and agree it's incredibly admirable how you are putting your sons needs first.

    Speak to a social worker if you can find one you trust. My sister is a social worker and kids generally want to be with their parents no matter what.

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    Thanks for the opinions. I don't know whether it's coming from the somewhat irrational thinking I go through or not. He would definitely want to be with me - he has shown that with being happy since I have been home & telling both DHS & a magistrate it is what he wants.

    Unfortunately he would have to be placed with my parents due to DHS's insistence on them being the best option for kinship care & a court order for the next 9 months that they would have to be his carers if I can't. Normally it wouldn't be too bad but my dad is unwell after major back surgery & my mum is crazy enough that after having met her at family meetings all my care providers have encouraged me to cut all contact with her. My brother would be a better option if he wasn't married to a witch.

    It has been suggested to me more than once by my psychologist that perhaps I really need to live in residential care since I just don't cope with independent living for large chunks of time.

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    I think you should never give up on him. But I think you need more support. I don't know what the answer is but your son loves you and if he says he's happy than that is what i would go with. Is there any church groups nearby that can help you?

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    hi pointless. Would your boy cope with part time with your folks and part time with you.? From my very little experience with MI and its effect on families, any end to the relationship is the hardest thing to deal with. I can understand and I sympathise with you. You have always put your child's needs above your own, and you are a devoted mum. Please just continue to try your hardest, and show your son how much you love him, by trying to meet his needs. my thoughts and prayers. hugs, marie.

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    Is it possible for both yourself and your son to move in with your parents? That way you have support in the home and are still with him, and if you need an in-patient stay he is already settled there.

    I know you say your mum is toxic but it sounds like there are little family options and the Dept will place him there anyway. Why not move in too? You could tell your parents the load won't be so heavy for them and for you, you get to be with him. It's win-win.

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    This is such a hard thing for you, I have read your posts but never participated until now.
    I do not think you should give up on yourself as a mother or give up guardianship of your son. However I do think you need a lot of support (which I know you are trying to get). You are doing the most amazing job at the moment for yourself and your son.is it possible to get a shared care for you and your son? That way you get a break to work on yourself as well as be part of your sons life?


 

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