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  1. #1
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    Default Parenting in small house clingy child

    Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post. But I currently have a 1 year old and am living in a tiny run down house. We are renovating but hubby just won't get onto it, the moment I ask him about it he refuses to talk about it and I am called a nag. I have clutter everywhere as we have no storage space and I just don't know what to do about it. And I find it hard to get everyday housework done, never alone spring cleaning the house when my 1 yo is at my feet all day long. He only sleeps two half hour sleeps in the day so I can't even use that time. He just makes messes all day. I love him to bits and love spending time with him, but I am getting overwhelmed. And can't get a thing done, and just have to live in this tiny, cluttered, messy, ugly house. We live in a small town with not even a playground to go to. And our walks have to be on straight dirt roads with no one to see.

    Any tips on especially decluttering a tiny house, or what to do when your husband refuses to do anything in the house never alone doing work on the renovating, and when you mention it in the nicest way possible you are called a nag?

    Thanks everyone.

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    hi jane, did you both agree to the work that needs to be done on the house?? I don't know how you can get your dh to move along with the work. As for the clutter, take away or give away or sell, as much as you can. What you do want to hold, find a container or some storage place. How many rooms in the house need work? If you can decide on one to start with, and then try to do some preparation of that room. So that if you can show your dh, how you have made a start with it, now he can continue with it. Good luck, marie.

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    Hey, just wanted to say, you're not alone!! I've been meaning to post on here for ages re. similar issues. I'm separated from my BD, but one of the issues we always had was him not getting round to anything! He works night shifts and then sleeps for like 16-24 hours, so not really a normal lifestyle.
    Anyways, so my 18-month-old boy has always been super clingy, whingey, just wants to bf all day long etc. Until very recently I could get NOTHING done, not even with intermittent help from our German babysitter, my mother or MIL. Up until 7 months old DS had to sleep around 7 x per day, always at home! You might think that sounds great, but each nap only lasted 30 min and would take me as long to get him down, so no fun there. After his first birthday things slowly began to change. He transitioned to 3, 2 then 1 longer naps in the day. Now he's sleeping between 2-3 hours every day!! So I wanted to reassure you that things will get better.
    No advice on what to do re. hubby as I'm obviously no expert at relationships. I would basically give my ex ultimatums. Maybe ask him if he really wants to do the work or if you should look at paying someone else to do it. I had to do that in the end. Cost us $18K, but at least the work got done! Sorry I can't be more helpful... 😕

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    Chuck out anything you haven't used in the last 12 months. Be brutal.

    Any reason why your DH has to do the renovations? And not you or a contractor/handyman? Just thinking that if your DH works outside the home maybe he just doesn't want to spend his free time doing reno's. Which I would totally get.

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    I don't have the toddler issue at the moment but I do have the hubby and renovations issues. He has been promising to fix our yard up since we moved in a year ago and is deadset against spending the money on someone else doing it. We only have dirt at the moment! So, I have told him I will give him until August and if he hasn't done it I will pay someone to do it as I can't live without a useable yard over the Spring/Summer when we have a young baby who will want to use the yard. This way I have given him fair warning, before paying someone to do it. I think our partners have no concept on how difficult it can be for us women to live in houses that need a lot of work because it just doesn't bother them like it does us. It drives me nuts that we have this great yard space that can't be used because it's just dirt, so frustrating! Not to mention our dogs drag the dirt through the house when they come inside!

    I also live in a small house and have had to be brutal with throwing things out. Before we moved i hired a skip and completely filled it with things to throw out, plus I put some stuff on Gumtree to sell and sold some furniture. Our house still has more clutter than I like but not so much that it really bothers me. I also make sure I keep up with throwing things out as we go. I will be doing a wardrobe clean out shortly in order to free up space

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    On the clingy baby side - do you have a carrier? Can you pop him up on your back while you sweep/mop/do dishes/etc? I actually found housework not too bad at that age as my son was content to be up on my back watching over my shoulder for a couple of hours a day while I got stuff done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post
    On the clingy baby side - do you have a carrier? Can you pop him up on your back while you sweep/mop/do dishes/etc? I actually found housework not too bad at that age as my son was content to be up on my back watching over my shoulder for a couple of hours a day while I got stuff done.
    Yes, I used a carrier with my son to do housework too, it helps a lot.

    I also took him into the shower with me, that way I could shower whenever I want and not use up time when he was asleep when I could do other things. (sleeping/relaxing/tidying) It's a bit tricky at first but you get used to it.

    As for getting your partner to fix the house, sounds like he doesn't want to do it as he works. So either pay someone else to do it or sell the house and buy something that needs less work or try to accept it's going to be horrible for a while We've (well my partner and his dad) just put some grass down over our dirt backyard and the dogs have stopped dragging all the soil in, the grass wasn't too expensive but it was a lot of labour. I do sympathise, my house isn't amazing either!

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Chuck out anything you haven't used in the last 12 months. Be brutal.

    Any reason why your DH has to do the renovations? And not you or a contractor/handyman? Just thinking that if your DH works outside the home maybe he just doesn't want to spend his free time doing reno's. Which I would totally get.
    I agree with the being brutal bit. I regularly go through everything and throw/give away broken/unused items.

    Also can you get a fairly large cube shelf - put stuff the 1yo cannot touch out of sight and out of reach and the toys etc in reach (and all can be in fabric boxes etc so look nicer.

    Regarding the not wanting to reno - if he did not want to reno he should have bought a different house. Or hire someone to slowly reno it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Chuck out anything you haven't used in the last 12 months. Be brutal.

    Any reason why your DH has to do the renovations? And not you or a contractor/handyman? Just thinking that if your DH works outside the home maybe he just doesn't want to spend his free time doing reno's. Which I would totally get.
    I agree. Declutter absolutely everything you don't need, and you'll instantly feel like you have more space and less to take care of/store.

    With hubby and the renos, was it an agreement you made before you moved in? Or is it just, hubby does the renos because he's the guy? Personally, I found I was putting lots of pressure on my hubs to do this or that around the house just because. But he really didn't have a clue about it and felt resentful that I assumed he should. It's like him assuming I should be a great cook, or love laundry, because I'm a woman. I think that if he knows it has to be done, and he knows how you feel about it, bringing it up continuously will only lead to arguments. You might need to discuss outside help, or childcare while you both work on it together.

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    We live in a small house and I am ruthless with clutter. If its not been used in a year, it goes! I declutter around 4 x per year. If your husband doesn't want to fix the house how about on the weekends he minds your DS and you work on the house?


 

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