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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I'm trying to be delicate in how I say this but your gripe is with your husband not his daughter. She's a child navigating her world with separated parents and he's a grown up.
    This, exactly. I feel like I can identify with what you're saying OP.
    It kind of sounds like you're doing way more than you fair share with the kids, irrespective of whether the kids in question are dsd's or dd's.

    Could it help to remember that your dsd isn't really the problem here, it's a man-child that's the problem?

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    VicPark  (08-06-2016)

  3. #72
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    But also OP, could it help to set up a "what to do station" where you have pictures of getting dressed, eating breakfast, go to the toilet, cleaning teeth, pack your lunch and school bag?

    After a week or two it might help your dsd to become more independent with getting herself ready.

  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    When we lived 1.5 hr drive from DSS1&2 school they would go home on Sunday night because:
    1. DH didn't want his boys starting the school day after a long drive.
    2. The traffic is terrible on Monday mornings and if there was an accident (which happens frequently) the boys would be late for school, or they all leave 45 mins earlier and be super early most days.

    The issues of getting school uniforms laundered, items back to bio mum's house and lunch made, etc, are your DH's problem, not yours. His child, his responsibility. He needs to understand this and pull his weight.

    If he is happy enough to sort everything out and get his daughter to school on time then I'd just leave it.
    I agree with this.

    As I stated in my earlier post my primary concern in your original post centres around the long drive to get to school. I don't believe it is in a child's best interests to have such long travelling time on the way to school. Especially in the first year of school as kids seem to be so very tired anyway for the first term or two until they have adjusted to attending school.

    The other issues of laundry, uniforms, bags, wake time are non issues to me and as others have stated are your DH's responsibility anyway.

    If your DH and his ex agree that the travel time is acceptable, then he needs to step up at your end and ensure your SDD's needs are met.

    One thing to consider is that she will be quite displaced any way with the arrival of the new baby and if time with you is reduced around the time the baby is born, she may think the baby is replacing her, or her father doesn't like her anymore.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 08-06-2016 at 18:13.

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    I agree with this.

    As I stated in my earlier post my primary concern in your original post centres around the long drive to get to school. I don't believe it is in a child's best interests to have such long travelling time on the way to school. Especially in the first year of school as kids seem to be so very tired anyway for the first term or two until they have adjusted to attending school.

    The other issues of laundry, uniforms, bags, wake time are non issues to me and as others have stated are your DH's responsibility anyway.

    If your DH and his ex agree that the travel time is acceptable, then he needs to step up at your end and ensure your SDD's needs are met.

    One thing to consider is that she will be quite displaced any way with the arrival of the new baby and if time with you is reduced around the time the baby is born, she may think the baby is replacing her, or her father doesn't like her anymore.
    Exactly this.

    For my children 1 1/2 hours travel before school would be too much.

    However, I would be very hesitant to change the arrangements with a new baby on the way. I would hate for my DD/DSD or any child to associate seeing less of their parent with the arrival of a new baby.

    I have a 11 year old and a 9 year old and they associate spending less time with their father with the appearance of who are now step-sisters and they resent their father for this. Given that there is already a new baby coming along and she is starting school I would be concerned that the amount of changes these two things will bring will be significant and I would not like to add to the stress this would put on your DSD.

    All the other practicalities will sort themselves out. A lot of private school uniforms you can buy second hand, so I would look into that.

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  8. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerFun View Post
    I feel my post is getting off topic. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to minimise the impact these Monday school mornings will have on my DD and newborn or not? I have put details in a previous comment ^^^^
    Is it just the one morning a fortnight that this will be an issue?

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  10. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    OP, I understand your concerns about how things are going to work. But I believe that your concerns are basically the same concerns that every mum of one-soon-to-be-2 kids has. Difference is, most parents can't just cut down a night of parenting to make it easier. It isn't about your step-child. Stop making it about your step-child, it is unfair on her and your DF to try and cut down their time.

    There are so many excuses in your posts. I can't even remember them all. But some suggestions-
    -you need to sort out your clothes drying issues. You are going to have a newborn, and 1-2 children in the house. For some odd reason, newborns increase washing by x1000 people, not just x1 person. I am confident that you will need to do a load of washing on the weekend.

    -If you truly are not going to wash on the weekend, buy a second uniform. You probably don't need to wash the knit. Or buy another. So it's a private school, uniforms are exxy. You're buying one uniform. 1. Are you going to buy uniforms for your DD when she goes to school? More than one presumably? I'm sure you can manage to buy one for your DSD, it's not like you need to provide her with an overflowing wardrobe.

    -Your DD sleeps til 7:15. Is your newborn going to sleep til 7:15? If so, can you please let everyone know how you do this?
    It's likely you will be awake already for DSD to be awake.

    -your house is echoey. Again, how are you going to silence the newborn so he/she doesn't wake your DD? It's not possible! They either sleep through each others noise, or they don't. This is normal of households with more than one child, and has nothing to do with stepchildren.

    -The drive is long. Your DF must do it. Especially if you have a newborn. No one wants to drive that long with a newborn.

    -as pointed out by PP, Sunday night wind downs are lovely with school kids. Your DF would be missing out on this.

    -a drive (where your DF turns his phone off) is also lovely. The parent is basically forced to have one on one time with their child. School girls IME talk a lot about school! It's nice for him to learn about all her friends, school, etc, in a time and place where he is not distracted. He would be missing out on this.

    -as for this forcing you to miss out on time with your DD, oh dear, I don't even know where to start on that one, so perhaps I won't. But please think about the amount of days per fortnight you spend with your DD, and how many days per fortnight your DF spends with his DD. Not quite even huh.
    Not to mention the impending new baby. It's compulsory for you to share your time then.

    -all the bags she carries. No, just her school bag, soccer shoes/shirt/shorts. Have clothes at your house. Cuddle toys at your house. She will need to learn that she cannot bring a bag full of toys as it's impractical.

    -the busyness of the morning. By the time school comes around, she will have matured so much. If you are still concerned, get her to start practising getting herself dressed or whatever your concern is.

    -And tell your DF to help!

    That's my advice. You'll probably think it's harsh, but it's not. Just honest.
    In unsure how you think your comment answers my OP or is helpful to me in any way? Seems like you just wanted to comment on how selfish and uncaring about DSDs feelings I am...

  11. #77
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    When is your baby due @SummerFun?

  12. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    When is your baby due @SummerFun?
    November

  13. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerFun View Post
    In unsure how you think your comment answers my OP or is helpful to me in any way? Seems like you just wanted to comment on how selfish and uncaring about DSDs feelings I am...
    Id take as the number of"thanks" she got a few agree with her.

  14. #80
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    By the time school starts your baby won't be a newborn .


 

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