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  1. #11
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    I think dropping her off on Sunday night is reasonable. if he really wants to have her till Monday morning then he should drive her to school it's completely unreasonable for him to expect you to do with a newborn.
    He should pull his finger out and start helping with all the children.

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    SuperGranny  (09-06-2016)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerFun View Post
    I don't actually see that she's 'missing out on time' with her dad, it would literally only be the 1.5hr drive on a Monday morning. That's not quality time together in my eyes and he is mostly on the phone for work while he is driving.

    We have her own toys, clothes etc at our house for her but obviously unless we go spend a fortune on having a second school uniform at our house that makes no difference once she starts school and I doubt things would be returned to us from her mums house based on past experience.

    DF would be picking her up every second Friday from school so he will see her teachers then, interact with her in her school environment etc. Like I said he works full time and Monday's are a huge rush for him to get to the office so he wouldn't be spending more than a minute dropping her to her classroom on a Monday morning.

    I am fully aware she is part of our family, yes I knew he had a child before we got together. I am trying to work out what works best for our whole family not just my DSD, fair is fair.
    6 nights/month to 4/nights a month is "missing out on time" with her Dad.

    Why would you need to buy another uniform? You said you would be stuck washing her uniform on the weekend she is at your house.
    You could solve this easily, by either telling your df to wash it, or by putting the uniform in the same wash as your daughters uniform.
    You said it would be difficult for her to cart extra baggage to school on the Friday and Mondays she stays at your house, so i was meaning can she have a few sets of clothes left at your house for the weekend, so she doesn't have to bring extra clothes and bags with her and then she leaves those clothes there Monday morning as will be wearing her washed uniform.

    Your DF said he doesn't want to lose his 3rd night. So he must be fine with his huge rush in the morning to drop his daughter off and go to work or he would be agreeing with you and you wouldn't be posting the question.

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    VicPark  (08-06-2016)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I think dropping her off on Sunday night is reasonable. if he really wants to have her till Monday morning then he should drive her to school it's completely unreasonable for him to expect you to do with a newborn.
    He should pull his finger out and start helping with all the children.
    He is the one driving her

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    Janesmum123  (08-06-2016)

  7. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    My DD stays at her dad's house every fortnight and we too live 1.5 hours away from him, and she starts school next year. There is no way I'm going to pick her up on the Monday morning. I would have to be up at 5:30am to leave by 6am, get her at 7:30, back to school by 9am then back home. It's going to be easier for us to pick her up on Sunday as we do now.

    My DP has 3 boys (only two of them stay regularly, 6/14 nights) and DP drives them 1.5 hours to school several mornings a fortnight (he also works near there). Washing their uniforms doesn't bother me at all, and lunches is taken care of by DP, but it wouldn't bother me to do them.

    All that said, two nights a fortnight isn't much so I can understand that he is trying to hold on to the extra night. As much as the Monday morning is an early start, the driving on the Sunday night would certainly cut into time he could still spend with her.
    Exactly. Perhaps you articulated it better than me haha :thumbup:

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    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    6 nights/month to 4/nights a month is "missing out on time" with her Dad.

    Why would you need to buy another uniform? You said you would be stuck washing her uniform on the weekend she is at your house.
    You could solve this easily, by either telling your df to wash it, or by putting the uniform in the same wash as your daughters uniform.
    You said it would be difficult for her to cart extra baggage to school on the Friday and Mondays she stays at your house, so i was meaning can she have a few sets of clothes left at your house for the weekend, so she doesn't have to bring extra clothes and bags with her and then she leaves those clothes there Monday morning as will be wearing her washed uniform.

    Your DF said he doesn't want to lose his 3rd night. So he must be fine with his huge rush in the morning to drop his daughter off and go to work or he would be agreeing with you and you wouldn't be posting the question.
    I feel like I have to go into a lot of detail to answer your questions but basically we don't have a dryer and live in a very cold climate atm, it takes days for our washing to dry so I would have to literally strip her the minute she walked in the door, get the washing on and hung out and hope it dries for Monday. My daughter has multiple uniform items so I don't usually wash on a Friday evening as I don't need to.

    She would still need to bring bags to our house for whatever teddies/babies she chooses to bring on those weekends (which is often a bag full), shoes, her soccer uniform etc.

    What days/nights do you have your step child/children? Can I ask what your arrangement is?

    I'm not an evil step mother who hates DSD and doesn't want her at our house by the way. I'm trying to make things work for all of us and look after everyone's best interests.

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    Excited1  (08-06-2016)

  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    He is the one driving her
    Ohhh well I missed that bit. Then what's the problem? Can't he just get her ready?

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    monroe78  (08-06-2016)

  12. #17
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    Also to add that DSD and my DD share a bedroom so having to wake DSD up at 6am on those Monday's to get to school on time will be waking my daughter up over an hour earlier than she usually wakes plus potentially waking our newborn (can't comment on that yet as he/she isn't here yet) resulting in the whole house being up at 6am

  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    Ohhh well I missed that bit. Then what's the problem? Can't he just get her ready?
    It's not just about getting her ready, it's washing of her uniforms, being organised for school, yes getting her ready for school too, waking everybody up over an hour earlier than we would usually, DSD lugging stuff to school Friday's & Monday's, driving 1.5hrs before school in her first year etc etc

  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerFun View Post
    I feel like I have to go into a lot of detail to answer your questions but basically we don't have a dryer and live in a very cold climate atm, it takes days for our washing to dry so I would have to literally strip her the minute she walked in the door, get the washing on and hung out and hope it dries for Monday. My daughter has multiple uniform items so I don't usually wash on a Friday evening as I don't need to.

    She would still need to bring bags to our house for whatever teddies/babies she chooses to bring on those weekends (which is often a bag full), shoes, her soccer uniform etc.

    What days/nights do you have your step child/children? Can I ask what your arrangement is?

    I'm not an evil step mother who hates DSD and doesn't want her at our house by the way. I'm trying to make things work for all of us and look after everyone's best interests.
    Sure, i have mine, 4 nights/fortnight, Fri to Tuesday morning, pick up and drop off at 2 different schools, 1/2 of every school holiday, including the 3.5 weeks at the Dec/Jan break, every second Xmas, every second Easter, every Fathers Day, half of each childs Birthday. I have three step children and we make it work. I don't have a dryer either so i can understand that, haven't had one in 12 years, but i use the indoor clothes horses.

    Sorry that my opinion doesnt match yours and a few other people's on here, but you did want advice, so i thought by providing you with simple solutions to the few things you are having an issue with may help you more and solve the issues, than possibly arguing with your df to get him to see his daughter less and the damage that could potentially do.
    I don't think you are an evil step mum either, i don't even know you.

    I think that when people are the ones dealing with the problem themselves, in their own life, that the problems can feel bigger than what they may be, and from an outsiders point of view, on what you have said and asked advice on, i think the issues arent hard to solve.
    The alternative is you do convince your df to drop the 3rd night and you may be faced with him blaming you for less time with his daughter and holding resentment towards you which can cause big issues.

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  16. #20
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    I think it will be hard for a while op, whilst you have a newborn.


 

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