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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone dealing with a childish partner?

    I have an issue with my DH and it's driving me crazy. We have 2 children & when I went on maternity leave with our youngest, he handled all the finances, and without my knowledge racked up huge amounts of debt and basically stuffed our financial position. He did the best he could but hid a lot from me and told a lot of lies along the way because he was embarrassed, and while very hurt, I did understand he was trying to do his best - the lying is what bothered me more than the fact his credit & our finance were a mess. Anyway, I am back at work & slowly getting us out of the mess we ended up in, but this week I mentioned that his money management isn't the best after he spent more than our weekly allowance within 4 days & it was just lots of small little transactions, ie coffee, lunch, little bits and pieces that added up. He has literally been moping around the house for 3 days because of that! HE'S mad at ME because I pointed out the obvious! I just refuse to apologise or engage in his mopey attitude, because I'm not sorry, I didn't say it nastily, just stated that we need to stick to the budget or we'll end up worse off. The issue I have is that anytime anyone says anything negative to him, he mopes for days, he has such an ego that it stops him from realising facts & truth, and honestly it's wearing thin with me. I am a very realistic person & if I've done something wrong, I soul search & really look at myself, I don't blame the person for telling me what they think, I can objectively see if what they have said has merit or not. I'm just so tired of his egotistical nature and it's really affecting our relationship. I don't know how to deal with him when he's like this, I feel like we have to 'ride it out' until he's in a better mood, but like I said, it's been 3 days and I'm so over it.

    Any suggestions? I need to snap him out of it but I don't know how or even if it's even possible!

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    lilsushi  (04-06-2016)

  3. #2
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    Anyone?

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulupetal View Post
    Anyone?
    Sorry Hun my partner isn't like that but I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you! Especially with little ones! I don't think you're in the wrong, he's being selfish about the situation. I would just let him nope but that's just me lol!

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    I reckon you guys need some counselling. He can't carry on like that!

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    if he wants to behave like a child, treat him like one. take away his credit card and he gets a cash allowance only. sounds like you're dealing with 3 kids right there. tough love all the way. you can't let his stupidity put you into a financial mess!

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    HillDweller  (04-06-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    if he wants to behave like a child, treat him like one. take away his credit card and he gets a cash allowance only. sounds like you're dealing with 3 kids right there. tough love all the way. you can't let his stupidity put you into a financial mess!
    I agree with a cash allowance. If yoi can I'd sit down together, go through your expenses and work out how much is 'spare' for those little luxuries and you both get a cash allowance. No credit cards! Id frame it in a more 'we need to reduce spending sort of way'

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby_Tuesday15 View Post
    I reckon you guys need some counselling. He can't carry on like that!
    And I agree with this.

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    turquoisecoast  (04-06-2016),Wise Enough  (04-06-2016)

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    My exH was like that. Drove me to distraction. I ended up taking over all our finances and giving him a cash allowance each week that he could spend. It felt like I was dealing with a child, but if I didn't do it we would have lost the house in the end.

    I don't have any other solution for you, I'm sorry. To me, the way he acted with money and moping about me pulling him up on it came from a place of extreme selfishness. He expected he should be able to buy anything he wanted and the fact that there was no money left for bills or me was irrelevant.

    His selfishness was one of the top reasons he's now ExH.

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    bel2466  (04-06-2016)

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    tbh i'd find that really unattractive in a man. i've dated guys who were crap with money and I always ended up dumping them as it just feels like you're with a kid who's spending their pocket money on sweets then complaining they've got none left. call me old fashioned, but a man needs to be a solid provider and needs to show he can take care of his family in order for me to take him seriously. spending like a loon is a massive deal breaker for me.

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    Janesmum123  (04-06-2016)

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    Default Anyone dealing with a childish partner?

    Thanks everyone! I believe we need counselling too. The debt that he racked up was to keep our business afloat that hasn't been doing so well, so while I understand the views posted here, and I also agree that it's unattractive to have poor money management, it was also his desire to be the provider that led him to keep up the image that all was going well (which to me, ties into his ego). I do have control of all finances for now, to get us out of this trouble, but his wage went into his account last week as his payroll stuffed up; it will now go into my account weekly until we are ahead again & I can trust him with money once more. Prior to us buying the business he was excellent with money, and I trusted it would continue as he has owned businesses in the past and sold them on as they were quite successful, however we made a poor business decision & are dealing with those consequences. He has also literally never had to worry about money prior to buying this business, had investments & a large income from those past businesses but all of our profits & money has been poured into the one we currently own, so I think it's also made him realise that not everything he touches turns to gold.

    The lying is what has bothered me the most, as businesses turn bad all the time, it's just the way it is sometimes. I just wish it wasn't so hard to deal with the reality of the situation, without having him get so offended and mopey
    Last edited by lulupetal; 04-06-2016 at 16:06.

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    So he's sooking bc he's continuing to over spend after ruining your finances while you were on mat leave and you had something to say about that? That's audacious. Tell him to stop acting like a child and you'll stop treating him like one.

    And how did he mess up the finances so bad? Clearly he's been spending behind your back? You either have the finances for you to be at home on mat leave or you don't. Clearly you did, so why did he get you into so much debt? I think you are being far kinder in his intentions with both the spending and covering it up than I would be.

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