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  1. #1
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    Default Advice desperately needed........

    Hi... I am a nearly (in less than two weeks!!) 30 year old mother of two children (9 and 6). I have been married for 5 years (together with now husband for over 15 years!)... Now my dilemma is.... Our home has just been sold, it was a 30 day contract so we now have til the middle of the month to move. Due to this lack of time and other options, we have come to the mutual decision to move in with his parents in order to save bulk money and build on a block we paid a very small amount of money for on his family farm. This is going to take a good 12 months of course. I am very concerned about the living with inlaws situation. I have a very good relationship with his mother (I would class her more of a mother to me than my own biological mother) and not a bad one at all with his father, I just am in need of some practical advice on how to continue this awesome relationship whilst all living under the one roof. I also suffer from sever anxiety and OCD which I am medicated for and am in a 'not too bad place' at the moment. I am concerned this is going to change when again, living under the same roof as other family members. My husband also works up to 16 hours a day so won't be there as much as myself and the kids will be. Has anyone been in this sort of situation before? How will I cope? How will my marriage cope? And my kids? Any advice would be very much appreciated. TIA

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I would suggest you sit down with your inlaws, and go through a few 'rules'. how are meals going to be sorted? how often can you use the washing machine? is there any rules like 'no smoking' . ?? that sort of thing. If you can start out with a few guidelines, as to how things work in their house, you will be better able to fit in with them. Also, let them know about your anxiety, so they can perhaps be a bit accommodating if you do feel stressed. Try not to get over anxious before the time actually starts, so you can go there with a clear mind. It will be a change for everyone, so be patient. marie.

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    Default Advice desperately needed........

    Hun my only advice would be to don't do it. Multiple grown adults not in a marriage/relationship living under the roof is a recipe for disaster.

    Apologies for being negative however looking at my own situation my stress levels would not cope.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hun my only advice would be to don't do it. Multiple grown adults not in a marriage/relationship living under the roof is a recipe for disaster.

    Apologies for being negative however looking at my own situation my stress levels would not cope.
    Maybe in your situation, but this may not be the case for others, lots of people do it!

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    I lived with my EX IL's for 2 years, yeah it could get frustrating at times but it was doable. Especially seeing as you guys have an end date to it.
    Most of my frustration was that XMIL is not a good communicator, so whenever I would try and meal plan, or housework plan etc, she wouldn't give me a straight answer. So I suggest asking them straight up about how the logistics will work.

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    As @SuperGranny said, sit down with your ILs and set some ground rules before you move in.
    Things like:
    (Grand)Parenting boundaries
    Meals & groceries
    Housework
    What bills you will contribute to/pay
    If your family will spend a night elsewhere every so often so your ILs still get some space
    Last edited by atomicmama; 03-06-2016 at 17:27.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil M View Post
    Maybe in your situation, but this may not be the case for others, lots of people do it!
    True. However a quick search through BH will reveal things going pear shaped more often than not.

    I think it takes a certain kind of person with a certain kind if relationship with their inlaws for it to work out.

    I just fear that starting off from a background of stress/OCD etc is not the best starting position. I'm hoping living with inlaws doesn't trigger anything for the OP, however I fear the worst (possibly because of my own biases).

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hun my only advice would be to don't do it. Multiple grown adults not in a marriage/relationship living under the roof is a recipe for disaster.

    Apologies for being negative however looking at my own situation my stress levels would not cope.
    I did it (without kids). We were renting and lost almost everything we had in the Brisbane floods.

    We had planned on buying a house and had started saving. It was a temporary plan to save for our first home. We also did not want to take a house to rent from anyone who didn't have the option of living anywhere short/long term. We moved in for 12 months or so.

    My advice to the OP - work out who pays what. Money is a big stressor. Are you doing half/half for utility bills? Food? Separate prep/meals? Or all together? Who cleans what? Roster?

    Also since you have kids sort out house rules with MIL/FIL. And also sort out any care expectations etc.

    My DH and I both worked. We kept up a social life so were not in each others faces 24/7. We had our own bathroom which was helpful too.

    We ended up fine. Just keep up communication.

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    I think you should have a big honest talk with your DH about your concerns and decide on what you will do if it is not working. Hopefully you won't need to use your 'plan B' but just having it might ease the stress of feeling tapped in a living situation that is unbearable for you. X

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    True. However a quick search through BH will reveal things going pear shaped more often than not.

    I think it takes a certain kind of person with a certain kind if relationship with their inlaws for it to work out.

    I just fear that starting off from a background of stress/OCD etc is not the best starting position. I'm hoping living with inlaws doesn't trigger anything for the OP, however I fear the worst (possibly because of my own biases).
    Probably because people don't post threads to say it's going well.


 

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