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    Default Only one from church small group not invited to wedding

    I am so upset, a couple at my church and in my small group got married and had this wedding and invited everyone from my small group except me. I know this because I saw pictures of everyone from my small group at the wedding. This was after I talked to my pastor about whether it was open invite bc I didnt get an invitation and he said it was invitation only and that I wasnt the only one not invited. But looking at the pictures I see that isnt true. So then I messaged him and told him I saw everyone from small group that goes regurarly there. He listed a few names of people that weren't invited, but they don't come very often (with the exception of this one guy and this girl who just started coming a few few months ago). That doesnt matter to me because I have been going regularly, Im a girl and have been going for a long time and I was the only one out of the group of girls that goes regurarly that isnt new that was not invited. That is what makes me feel like there is something wrong with me because I was the only girlone out of the core group not invited, like do they have something against me or does somebody else in the group have something against me and they wanted them there and didnt want them feeling uncomfortable around me? I dont know. But I was the only girl who has been coming a year that attends regurarly that wasn't invited. I had specifically asked him before the wedding if there were other people that go regurarly to small group that weren't invited and he said a whole bunch. One guy and one new person isn't a whole bunch. Why would he say this? And why was I the only girl that attends regurarly not invited? And he had access to the guest list to know who was invited? Why would he know the guest list? He was officiating the wedding, but still, does the officiant usually know the guest list?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jashley View Post
    I am so upset, a couple at my church and in my small group got married and had this wedding and invited everyone from my small group except me. I know this because I saw pictures of everyone from my small group at the wedding. This was after I talked to my pastor about whether it was open invite bc I didnt get an invitation and he said it was invitation only and that I wasnt the only one not invited. But looking at the pictures I see that isnt true. So then I messaged him and told him I saw everyone from small group that goes regurarly there. He listed a few names of people that weren't invited, but they don't come very often (with the exception of this one guy and this girl who just started coming a few few months ago). That doesnt matter to me because I have been going regularly, Im a girl and have been going for a long time and I was the only one out of the group of girls that goes regurarly that isnt new that was not invited. That is what makes me feel like there is something wrong with me because I was the only girlone out of the core group not invited, like do they have something against me or does somebody else in the group have something against me and they wanted them there and didnt want them feeling uncomfortable around me? I dont know. But I was the only girl who has been coming a year that attends regurarly that wasn't invited. I had specifically asked him before the wedding if there were other people that go regurarly to small group that weren't invited and he said a whole bunch. One guy and one new person isn't a whole bunch. Why would he say this? And why was I the only girl that attends regurarly not invited? And he had access to the guest list to know who was invited? Why would he know the guest list? He was officiating the wedding, but still, does the officiant usually know the guest list?
    Hi jashley,

    Your post makes me sad. Exclusion is, to me, a very cruel thing to do to someone, and I really feel for you

    My first thoughts were that your Pastor is probably not the one to be speaking to about this. Yes, he may have known who was coming, and yes he officiated, but at the end of the day I would presume the guest list was put together by the couple who were married.

    My honest opinion is that you have two options - (1) Let it go and move forward knowing this speaks more of them than it does of you, or (2) If you can't make peace with it, privately approach the couple and ask them about it. You might say something along the lines of "I hear congratulations are in order! I am so happy for you both and wish you all the best, but I must admit I was slightly surprised not to have been invited..." or something along those lines.

    The thing is, if you use this approach (and being a very open, honest and direct person that's the way I personally would go!) you must prepare yourself to hear their reasons for not inviting you. I don't know your circumstances obviously, but if there was a perceived reason in their eyes to not invite you, I doubt it will be pleasant to hear about, or could even be confronting.

    I do want to send you a big hug though. I can only imagine how you felt when you learned of the wedding. I myself was excluded a lot by my friends when I was younger and I know how much it hurts

    Wishing you all the best x
    Last edited by Blossom74; 03-06-2016 at 10:48.

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    I can understand why you feel upset and left out - it's not nice to feel excluded.

    I guess they must have a reason for not inviting you - it could be significant, or it could be something fairly minor. Whatever the case, it was their special day and they are entitled to decide who they share it with.

    You could ask them outright if there was a reason you were not invited, however I consider that to be quite confrontational and kinda rude.

    I would personally just take it as a sign that they are not the close friends you thought they were and perhaps quietly try and get a feel for where they stand with you.

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    It's not nice but there's really not anything you can do about it. They can invite whoever they want to. I don't think the pastor should be discussing who was/wasn't invited with you.

    I think you need to move on and accept that they aren't as close to you as you thought. I wouldn't confront them. I would treat them politely but not go out of my way for them.

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    I am a part of a church, and weddings are tricky. After family, we only had space to invite 20-30 friends, so we had to be very selective. It's tricky in a church because you just cannot invite everyone,so Im sure some people would have felt left out. At the end of the day, I would just say 'congratulations, looked like a lovely day' & understand that they just couldnt invite everyone.

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    OP, you don't actually say that the couple are your friends, just that you regularly attend church together. I personally wouldn't expect to be invited to a wedding unless I was actually close to the couple and not just in the same group of friends (not sure if this is the case, just how I read it).
    You seem to have had issues with church friends in the past, looking at your previous posts. Maybe look in other circles to find friends and accept church as a place of worship and not necessarily to socialise?

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    I can understand you feeling a bit left out as small groups are usually the groups you do life with. If you are regarding them closer than what they regard you, you could try a different small group or perhaps stick it out and get to know them a little better. They probably had a cut-off number and invited as many as they could. It would depend on how close you were to them, not how often you attended. For some weddings connected to church groups there is often an open invite to the ceremony. The only time we thought something was of poor taste was when we were given an open invite to the ceremony WITH gift registry cards attached. We happened not to feel close enough to that couple to go anyway so it wasn't an issue.

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    I agree with @Marshy68 were the couple actually close friends of yours or are you just part of the same group that attends church together? You may see your relationship with them differently than they see it.

    Honestly, weddings are difficult, you're often faced with constraints on the number of people you can invite, due to space or finances. I have been at my workplace for 10 years. When I got married a few years ago, I didn't invite everyone. It's not a huge workplace (15-20 people) and there were a few people I had to exclude because the numbers were just getting too big. Also, I didn't feel I was especially close to a few of them. I discovered later that one or two of the people were a bit disappointed that they didn't get an invite and I felt terrible about it. It wasn't a reflection on how much I liked them as a person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marshy68 View Post
    You seem to have had issues with church friends in the past, looking at your previous posts. Maybe look in other circles to find friends and accept church as a place of worship and not necessarily to socialise?
    This sounds a bit fishy to me, I have my doubts if the OP is legit.

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