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  1. #1
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    Default Am I alone here?

    We have what feels like a VERY different fertility problem to everyone else & I'm wondering if other couples have it but it's just taboo.

    So many posts talk about doing BD every 2nd day for up to 12 days, and it cuts me to the core - people flippantly talking about having so much sex, even if it is a chore.

    We get ONE shot each month, and that's a good month, because it means we're actually in with a chance of getting pregnant that month. I'd say about 2/3 of the time, whilst we DTD, DH doesn't make a deposit, iykwim. (Although deposits are increasing in frequency the longer we try.)

    It just makes the whole TTC thing that much more stressful and drawn out. It also makes me feel incredibly lonely and isolated when no-one else appears to have the same problem - I could find no other threads about it.

    So, am I alone here?

  2. #2
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    Hi Aloria. I know that alone feeling. Our fertility issue was similar but not the same. We could BD regularly but there was no deposit. When we were going through this I could not find anything online about others having similar issues. I'm sure they must as the rates of ED aren't that low.

    When I went to the GP for a referral to a FS she asked if we had tried the turkey baster method which we had as DH could manage a deposit on his own but not with me. Not sure if this is an option for you? The one thing that I would change though is having DH do a few practice "sessions" as the longer the sperm sits in there the more likely it is to be damaged or poor quality. I learnt this over my journey and didn't know it at the time. If you are only getting one shot a month, unfortunately you are probably not getting good quality sperm which is going to affect your chances. I hope that you can find something that doesn't make you feel so alone. I found the IVF community on Bubhub really welcoming and supportive. Perhaps if you post in the MFI section you may get a better response. Good luck with your journey!

  3. #3
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    Thank you, Leafy. Your reply was exactly what I needed to hear, and confirmed what I had suspected: there ARE other couples struggling with ED but also it's not talked about as openly/frequently as other fertility problems.

    We are doing several cycles of clomid to help boost our chances of success in the months we get a deposit. After that we'll move on to the next step (IUI / turkey baster).

  4. #4
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    We have issues with ED as well as other fertility issues. It's pretty common people just don't discuss it, maybe it's embarrassment.

  5. #5
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    Not me but I've noticed other people in the TTC groups I've been in have this issue, they just don't always call it ED so it may not show up in searches - it's common so I'm sure you're not alone. All the best and I hope you get to see that BFP soon!!

  6. #6
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    Hi Alora,

    There are more people in your position.

    We were in similar position where my partner has a problem with her vagina contracting when trying to have sex... fast forward a year we want to fertility clinic and had done 3 IUI that all failed then followed up with IVF but there was nothing to transfer back due to eggs not going past day 5 development.
    Finally we were recommended to do IVF WITH ICSI and now we have 2 frozen eggs that made it past day 5 and 1 transferred back which resulted in my wife being pregnant. We found out last Monday after 2 week wait!

    Our neighbours also went through IVF (2 out of 5 households).

    I am 37 and my wife is 39 with no health issues

    I would recommend you to speak to your fertility specialist and try an IVF route if you fail more than 3 times with IUI
    best of luck

  7. #7
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    Thanks ILKANDMT, and congrats!
    We have 6 cycles of Clomid before we move on to IUI. But we have already decided that is as far as we will take things... No IVF / ISCI for us. It's nice to know, though, that it's more common than initial impressions give.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aloria View Post
    Thanks ILKANDMT, and congrats!
    We have 6 cycles of Clomid before we move on to IUI. But we have already decided that is as far as we will take things... No IVF / ISCI for us. It's nice to know, though, that it's more common than initial impressions give.
    Hi! I'm looking for the same thing you were! People who aren't treating this as taboo and will talk about it! Thank you for this thread! Have you found any other groups that openly discuss?
    I am just starting my TTC journey, but I've noticed my DH having issues with finishing due to the stress and sleep deprivation his job demands. I'd love some advice on increasing our chances! This month we've been avoiding sex, trying to "save it up" for ovulation. No idea what else I can do. Obviously it doesn't help to pressure him.

  9. #9
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    Your are definitely not alone. My DP can't "finish" the regular way. By all means he can get an erection but "finishing is a different story. It's his hand only or I sit and wait til he says he was ready to go and then I hop on so to speak. So trying for a child was not easy for us either but we got there. 11 days to go. Took us 4 years with multiple rounds of IVF/icsi and surgeries aswell. We could of bought a nice new top of the range 4wd with what we have spent but it's all worth it

  10. #10
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    CcegG - I've not really found other threads about ED. Stress & sleep deprivation - that sounds like our journey!
    I've heard that it's not a good idea to save it up for ovulation as the sperm isn't as 'fresh' - but if that's all that you have (we do it once in the month - on the OPK positive day), then that's what you've got to do. We're going to try doing it 3 times next cycle - but there's no guarantees that he'll finish on all 3 occasions... And it really cuts his confidence on the days he doesn't get there. Not sure if it will work for us or against us next cycle, but that's our plan.


 

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