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  1. #1
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    Default FET after late miscarriage.

    Hi, I feel I really need to talk and hear advice and/or support from others who may have gone through similar experiences. This is my story. After struggling to conceive for yrs myself and dh embarked on Ivf. After failed IUI's and a number of failed embryo transfers we fell naturally pg but miscarried at 9 weeks. I fell ill with dissected carotid artery shortly after and suffered a stroke but after a year of recovery we had a successful pregnancy with one of our FETs and now have our beautiful dd. I stopped breast feeding on her 1st birthday in February this year and fell naturally pg straight away. We had 6 early scans and all was great and all nips testing came back low risk. The 12 wk scan was great and baby was healthy but we found out at the last scan two weeks ago that our little girl had died 14-15 weeks gestation. There was no heartbeat. I am beyond devastated and am unable to speak to any of our friends as I know that they simply can't understand how I feel. I can't fathom or accept her loss. She was perfect. How do I move on from this and how quickly can I have an FET? We are both 41 yrs old now but we have one frozen embryo left, taken when we were 38 yrs old. Does anyone have any stories or tips on how to go from a late miscarriage to a successful FET pregnancy. I'd love to hear from anyone with advice on coping with this grief and getting body ready for FET. Thank you, Lisa.

  2. #2
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    Hello, firstly I am so very sorry for the loss of your little girl. I have no info regarding the FET side of things but I can relate to how you would be feeling. We lost our little girl at 22 weeks in December, after a perfect pregnancy with no problems at all. I went in due to lack of movement and we discovered our little girl had no HB and had passed away.
    I wish you lots of strength and luck for your future. If you need to talk at all feel free to PM me xx

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    VioletMay  (01-06-2016)

  4. #3
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    Thank you. I am so very sorry to hear about your little baby girl also. It's indescribable hearing that the precious little life inside you now has no heartbeat after having such a normal pregnancy and getting to what should be such a safe stage. At 22 weeks it would have been too hard to believe. I'm very sorry.
    Did your doctors discover any reason to why this may have happened? And if so has it helped in anyway?
    I have to wait another 4 agonising weeks to hear results from testing. I hope we get some answer to help me grieve. I understood reasons why my first loss happened as my baby was much smaller and not growing which indicated something was wrong chromosomially so it was easier to accept. But with my little Poppy (we named her), I struggle as I just believe that she should still be here and that maybe I did something wrong or ate something wrong because she was just perfect in every scan with a healthy hb.
    Everything I read says time heals but I don't believe any amount of time with make this easier. I feel like I am grieving not just my baby girl but the little one year old and two year old and 16 year old she would have become.
    How are you coping?
    Again thank you for replying/connecting.

  5. #4
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    I was the same and after two healthy pregnancies it was the last thing I was expecting. I had early miscarriages in the past but losing our daughter that far along broke me into pieces. Did you meet your little poppy?

    We had a full autopsy done and nothing was found at all, she was 100% healthy with nothing wrong. We had two anatomy (20 wk) scans and both were perfect and she was measuring perfectly, yet two weeks later when she was born she was measuring the size of a 17 week baby and my placenta was also tiny. She had been quiet for 2 weeks and in the first week I saw my midwife twice to be checked and she was fine, so in the second week I didn't think anything of it. When I went to the hospital at 22 weeks and found out my heart just broke, I couldn't believe I didn't know and she had been passed for about a week.

    I remember so well how hard those weeks are waiting for the results. I counted down to that appointment thinking someone would say this is exactly what went wrong, here's how to prevent it. Unfortunately I left the appointment very disappointed because I left with more questions and no answers. I hope you get some kind of answer though.

    I do exactly the same thing picturing our little girl as a toddler running around and it's just torture. I won't say it heals because I don't think t ever will but I feel a little better now then I did a few months ago. Though as soon as I think of Indigo I break down and feel like I'm back in the hospital the day I had her. It's a very hard thing for anyone to go through, especially saying goodbye to your own child. Be gentle with yourself Hun.

    I am coping ok but I still have bad days where I just cry because I miss our daughter. I have recently found out I'm pregnant again so the bad days are getting harder because I'm just so hurt that we no longer have our beautiful girl.

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    VioletMay  (03-06-2016)

  7. #5
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    I don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know I'm so sorry for you loss. And others who've shared too. Heartbreaking. 💔

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    VioletMay  (02-06-2016)

  9. #6
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    Dear Lozzo90.... Firstly, apologies for the late reply. I've had an extremely bad couple of days paralysed with grief.
    Secondly, thank you so very much for sharing your very private and heartbreaking journey with Indigo. Tears ran down my face reading your story. I know you would have cried writing the post. Her loss is incomprehensible. I'm so sorry that you got no answers as to why either. I so hope we do!
    Due to my medical history (torn artery in head) I am not able to go into labour of any sorts so my little Poppy was taken from me under general anaesthetic which I felt for me was more distressing than giving birth (as traumatic as that would be)... You see, I never got to see her beautiful face or tiny body. I never got to kiss her little forehead or gently wrap my hands around her... I just woke from op and she was completely gone.
    we have the 13.5 weeks scan on dvd which I am building up the strength to watch to see if we can see anything that looked different and compare to my daughter Violets scan taken at similar time. We prob won't see anything i am sure. Maybe we'll just never know why.
    Our 15month old dd Violet is just incredibly beautiful funny and loving... And although she is the one thing making me smile and giggle when I'm sad. She is also a reminder of the little sister who now will never be.
    Lastly, but definitely not least......! A lovely big warm congratulations on your pregnancy. I understand it must be terrifying and at the same time as being happy about this new life it will be sad remembering Indigo. I wish you and your baby every luck and best wishes going forward and pray for a healthy beautiful strong baby in your arms.

  10. #7
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    @VioletMay it's very hard to write as well as remember that that is now part of my life. It feels like a dream but when I think back to those brief moments with Indigo and when I was pregnant with her my heart just breaks and I feel I will never be happy again.

    I am so terribly sorry that you didn't get to meet your beautiful girl. I'm sure that makes this journey a lot harder. Were you not offered photographs or anything due to the circumstances?
    Heartfelt came and took beautiful photos of Indigo and we were also lucky enough to have got hand and foot moulds done which we have framed on our wall. These are hard memories and I have only seen a few of the photos as it takes me straight back to that deep world of grief I was in.
    I can't begin to imagine how heartbroken you are and it is all very fresh for you still. I have my fingers crossed that you will have luck with a FET and have your rainbow baby soon.

    Thank you! This pregnancy is definitely not going to be easy and I'm sure meeting our baby at the end will also be heartbreaking as well as lovely. I'm so sorry you are going through this aswell xxx

  11. #8
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    We weren't offered anything to remember her by. I wish we had something. It has made my grief ten folds worse. I crumble trying to picture who she was and what her little face was like and her tiny fingers and feet. I only have our dvd of the last healthy scan and scan photographs. I don't think this will get any better for me but it is very early days. Maybe I can learn to live with the pain and smile through my days with Violet who was our miracle and am so blessed to have. I know this may sound odd but I feel very angry that Poppy's life was given and then taken so quickly. We were so thankful for Violet (we didn't think I could have children after my artery tore) that we were simply over the moon just having her. Life was perfect! I wasn't being greedy wanting another, but it miraculously happened so I thought it was meant to be. We don't have family in Australia, mine are all in England so we were so happy that Violet would not be alone. And so life entered a whole new level of perfect that I didn't think was possible. But now in my grief I feel having her and losing her has destroyed our perfect world with Violet.

  12. #9
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    That's absolutely heartbreaking! I'm so sorry you didn't even get to see your little girl, let alone have any precious memories.

    I have the exact same feeling of why were they given to be taken so soon. I have a almost 3 and 4 year old sons and whilst trying for both of them I had early miscarriages the month before conceiving each of them. So naturally when I found out I was pregnant with Indigo (also a surprise) I was expecting to have a miscarriage. When I didn't I was obviously over the moon. Then when we lost her I couldn't help but think why did she get to stay only for us to lose her anyway.

    It's terrible the things that you can think when grieving. I hope you have some close friends or someone you can speak to about it. I definitely am not the same person I was before losing Indigo and I don't think I will ever feel whole again, I do feel some days are getting easier though.

  13. #10
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    Dear Lozz90.
    Thank you. I cried myself to sleep last night again. The longer they stay in our wombs only to leave increases the heartache and questions.
    I wanted to say a thank you for sharing with me and replying to my posts. It's heartbreaking but at the same time it has been extremely comforting to know there are other beautiful people who have been through something similar and really do know what I'm going through and can definitely understand. I have lots of friends but fear they won't understand the extent of this type of grieving. But a wonderful DH who I can cry on and talk to for forever about our little girl.
    And although nothing can ever replace Poppy, our last frozen embryo might just come to life.
    How far along in your new pregnancy are you?
    Good luck! And pls post when this little one arrives
    Thank you again x


 

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