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  1. #1
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    Default did you enjoy your mat leave?

    so I'm 4 months in (ds is 3 months) and starting to find myself looking forward to going back to work (part time obviously). I adore ds but I'm finding the sahm slog quite isolating, repetitive and numbing.

    a few questions for you:

    - how long did you take in mat leave?
    - how did you spend your days? I'm particularly interested in hearing how first time mums did it. I know that when you've got an older child it's a lot busier.
    - did you get bored/feel lonely etc. if so, how did you deal with this?

    I'm finding I'm putting more pressure on dh to be my "life line" to the outside world. so when he comes home tired and just wants to space, I feel like I'm bothering him by harassing him for conversation and attention.

    I'm getting stuck for ideas of how to spend my days. I can't be playing with ds the entire time he's awake and not feeding. as winter is now here, outdoor activities aren't really an option. I'm also someone who doesn't enjoy going to the park or going on walks. never have, probably never will. I get bored lol.

    I do mothers group which is a nice once a week thing but otherwise I'm struggling a bit. dh and I share a car and he takes it to work on days I don't need it (I feel bad making him catch the bus on chilly mornings on the off chance I might need the car to go out) so mostly I don't have a car to get about in. my family are not close by either and the friends I have here all work in the day.

    please help!

  2. #2
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    I was a sahm for several years...and loved the first 4, then I got bored.
    With my first, we had mother's group, swimming and kindergym, and three times a week the baby went to the gym creche while I exercised. We went for long walks with the dog, had outings with grandparents...I really struggled being at home...a day was fine, but most days...no!
    No wonder you're struggling. We were a one car family, too. But I had the car. DH either rode of used public transport. We didn't see the sense in him having the car in a car park all day when I was at home. But, if he had the car I just jumped on a bus to get somewhere.
    Do you have any hobbies? Anything you want to learn how to do?

  3. #3
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    With my first I was back at work (ft) within a few weeks so can't speak for that, but now I have 4 kids. Been home since my second was born over 4 years ago. Nowadays, my eldest is in school and my middle two are in preschool 3 days a week, so I had 3 days with just one Bub home. Two of those days are now filled volunteering. Plenty of socialisation but heaps of flexibility. And availability to take my kid/s along. I volunteer for several things through both the school and the wider community.
    I'm also going to take up some distance ed studying shortly.

  4. #4
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    Looking back now to my first I don't know how I didn't get bored?!

    I had 12 months off so went back when he was just shy of 1. We didn't do mothers group as we were planning on moving and I didn't like the area we were in.

    Oh actually I just remembered. First 3-4 months DS1 would be happiest wandering the shops etc. and if we were home I would spend all my time trying to get him to sleep. Makes me laugh now how long I had spent trying to get him to sleep!!

    Then when he was about 3 months we decided to try sell our house and so had to finish renos, then pack, then move, so when he was 6 months we moved and I still had another couple of months getting the house sorted etc and then we joined a playgroup.

    But compared to now we were so quiet. Now we are out at least mon wed thurs and would have things to do the other days but the little 2 benefit from home days so we try keep them free most weeks.

  5. #5
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    I had 13 months off with our first. Overall, if I'm honest, no I didn't enjoy it. I found it isolating and lonely. She never slept and I was beyond exhausted. DH and I both struggled with spending so much sleep deprived time together. I resented him for working and I think he resented me as I didn't seem to be coping. He never said anything it was just my feeling.

    Looking back now I wish I had made the most of it and there were days that were amazing and wonderful and I knew I'd never get that time again.

    But between stress over money, lack of sleep and loneliness no I didn't enjoy it overall.

  6. #6
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    Both of my mat leaves I was off work but kept up my studying so when bub slept I was often working on the computer. Kept my brain ticking over too. Other than that we met with a mothers group, kinda gym, saw girlfriends and spent time with my mum, went to the story time at the library etc
    So yes I enjoyed it and didn't really find it boring as I felt like I was challenging my brain doing my study and went out most days

  7. #7
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    I do more now than I ever did with DS.

    Him not sleeping at home in the cot was probably a good thing. Once I got out I could stay out and not worry about naps etc. Some things I did the first time...

    - Library for rhyme time.
    - Went to the shops. A lot.

    I had noone near me who had kids when I had DS. This time there are loads of people so I can get adult interaction with a baby around and noone cares.

    Its hard because it is so different than working. You feel almost like what you are doing is useless (it is not) and you are so used to using your brain and suddenly you are goo gooing and singing nursery rhymes.

    But then you go back to work and only think about your baby/children.

    Just go out and do stuff. He is still young enough to do what you want so take him to movies, coffee, shops etc.

  8. #8
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    Default did you enjoy your mat leave?

    I went back to work part time when my ds was 19 months. I felt very similar when ds was that age. I did mothers group and I also started mums n bubs yoga when he was 9 weeks and went until he got too mobile at 7 months. We also did gymbaroo, rhyme time, the gym crèche and lots of walks and window shopping. It's harder at that age because they don't really do anything. As he got older it gets more fun and challenging. You can also join a playgroup which I have found fantastic

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joeee View Post
    I went back to work part time when my ds was 19 months. I felt very similar when ds was that age. I did mothers group and I also started mums n bubs yoga when he was 9 weeks and went until he got too mobile at 7 months. We also did gymbaroo. It's harder at that age because they don't really do anything. As he got older it gets more fun and challenging. You can also join a playgroup which I have found fantastic
    I think you are right about the age. They get better when its time to go to work (if you take a year) then turn high maintenance a year later. Then painfully bossy a year later.

    Also you are so nuch busier when the 2nd time comes around that it isn't anywhere near as bad as the first.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    Little Miss Sunshine  (01-06-2016)

  11. #10
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    Default did you enjoy your mat leave?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I had 13 months off with our first. Overall, if I'm honest, no I didn't enjoy it. I found it isolating and lonely. She never slept and I was beyond exhausted. DH and I both struggled with spending so much sleep deprived time together. I resented him for working and I think he resented me as I didn't seem to be coping. He never said anything it was just my feeling.

    Looking back now I wish I had made the most of it and there were days that were amazing and wonderful and I knew I'd never get that time again.

    But between stress over money, lack of sleep and loneliness no I didn't enjoy it overall.
    This. 100%.

    I'm finding it similar 2nd time around too, but a bit more conscious in trying to appreciate it, though it is hard some days.
    I returned to work just after dd1 turned 1 and am doing the same with dd2.
    Whilst I'm not "enjoying" it I feel the length of time off was right, that my kids need their mummy home for the first year. Dd1 was still breastfeeding 5 times a day and never took a bottle so no way could I have gone back sooner without tears and guilt, and I just wasn't confident she or my mum would cope, and it appears dd2 is the same.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 01-06-2016 at 10:35.


 

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