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  1. #1
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    Default Help to divide housework and child care between 2 parents pls or finding shortcuts

    trying to find new ways to divide housework between both parents.
    so interested in how you divide labour especially if one works out of the home and one is a stay at home parent.
    looking to
    find shortcuts to avoid extra work eg children sitting to eat rather than walking all over the place with crackers in hand

    or with some ideas/structure of when and how often various housework is done

    or who does what

    especially if one works long hours and one is home all day.

    so that the one working long hours out of the home, doesnt come home to helping with most of the housework as well as the night dinner bath bed routine as well as more tasks that they take are of.

    when the shoe was on the other foot the other parent expected to come home to a tidy home.

    noone is saying that being at home with children isnt work, but many would hope that a load of washing or dishes or tidying could be done while kids are happy.
    maybe some save vaccuuming for the weekends when a home tidy is done together, maybe the stay at home mum takes care of that, maybe they expect the working parent to do night routine plus most of the tidying cleaning. I'm wondering how others divide the chores and childcare please when one works and one is home all day.thanks.
    Last edited by sylvia1111; 31-05-2016 at 18:27.

  2. #2
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    It's really for the couple involved to sort out. Some people work it that kids are a full time job so cleaning happens between both partners when the one who goes out to work comes home in an equal divide of 50/50. Some people manage it so the one at home does more house work, but in that instance the working parent might come home and take over kid duty solely.

    Unforunately, once kids are involved work doesn't stop...you come home from work and you step in and do what needs doing at home. If one parent feels the other isn't doing enough then they need to communicate that to their partner, and work it out together. Are you the working parent, the parent at home, or neither? Because if you're neither parent you need to stay out of it. Or, help the parent stayi g at home...who sounds like they might be finding the adjustment to two kids difficult, or is possibly even suffering from pnd if they abolish themselves of all duties when the partner comes home.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (31-05-2016)

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    This seems to be a major problem in a lot of households.

    I believe housework should be a team effort. The parent at home should do what they can manage whilst their partner is at work, but their primary duty is looking after the needs of the children. I think it's unfair for the working parent to expect a high standard of cleaning or expect everything to be done by the SAHP.

    The full time worker should also contribute to housework and be hands-on and helpful when they arrive home. Paid work can be exhausting, but looking after children all day is also full-on and tiring (often more so than a paid job).

    A lot of people say that when both parents are home, it should be 50/50. I agree with this.

    You mentioned the full time worker being nagged to do a lot when they get home - why are they being nagged? Are they telling the SAHP that they don't want to help out? If someone is being helpful then I don't see why 'nagging' would be occurring. Perhaps the SAHP just needs them to step up and help more than they are?

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    I suppose you could sit down and work out something of a schedule that works for your family, everyone's household works differently but for us I do most of the housework as I'm a sahm, DH does the yard work, takes the bins out and does baths for the kids most nights. He will also happily let me slip out on weekends for a couple of hours for some me time.
    When I had two under two I needed his help more but we knew it was temporary.
    Honestly I wouldn't expect a parent who's home with a newborn to have it all worked out, took me two years before I could say I wasn't feeling overwhelmed and I had a good routine in place.

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    Default Help to divide housework and child care between 2 parents pls or finding shor...

    Are you asking for a friend or yourself?
    Your post history is confusing regarding twins, whiny 1 year olds etc....

    Happy to give some advice if it's actually needed

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    GirlsRock  (31-05-2016),onionskin  (31-05-2016),VicPark  (01-06-2016)

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Are you asking for a friend or yourself?
    Your post history is confusing regarding twins, whiny 1 year olds etc....

    Happy to give some advice if it's actually needed
    Yep, this..

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    My DP works full time and I'm home full time currently (since DD got cancer last year). I don't expect DP to do much housework. He works pretty long hours and has a long commute in traffic so I get most of the housework done during the day so that we don't have to do it at night. We live on a farm so when he's home on the weekends he does a lot of outside jobs. I sometimes help outside too, but mostly I take care of inside.

    DP does sometimes put loads of washing on and hang them out, and he always puts his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper and he tidies up after himself.

    When we both worked full time he did more of the inside housework and he did most of the cooking. I'm now happy to do the majority inside.

  10. #8
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    I'm a sahm, I do everything when DH is at work and when he's home it's 50/50...

    It was this way before kids too.. We both worked, split chores house stuff 50/50. I would never do all the cleaning cooking etc and nor would hubby expect me too.

    DH helps 50/50 with kids too. Take turns with night waking etc

    Eta.. The only thing I do 100% is washing and DH does 100% cutting grass/ weeding but we both are weirdly happy to do these on our own

  11. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Are you asking for a friend or yourself?
    Your post history is confusing regarding twins, whiny 1 year olds etc....

    Happy to give some advice if it's actually needed
    Looking at post history I suspect she's the mother of the partner coming home from work. Just my suspicions, no comcrete evidence.

  12. #10
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    Most things should he equal.
    Dp works part time (15 hours) so of course he's able to help out more than other men (or women) that work full time. I still do the majority of housework, though when I need help he and the kids do their share.
    He does things for/with the kids. Takes them places, spends time with them. He does the gardening and maintanence on the house. Even though he only works 15 hours he is far from lazy.
    My ex would work, come home and lie on the couch all night and all weekend without lifting a finger and he barely spent any time with the kids either.
    Atm I'm lucky that I don't need to work, but if I did I know partner would be ok to look after the kids on his days off.
    Partner is a bit anal about the housework which annoys me but I told him with 4 kids home it's hard for the house to be spotless. He's backed off saying it which is good otherwise he can do more housework!
    When I was working last year at nights (I worked 2 nights a week 5 hours each night) he would get the dinner ready, sort out kids bedtimes, put washing on if need be.
    My girls go to a co-op school twice a week and he and I take turns in getting them ready and being there (parents can stay).
    Last edited by Homeschooling4; 31-05-2016 at 23:33.


 

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