Yes...Good Luck with your journey😊
Oh...and you were asking earlier what other ways you could refer to your wife/partner??
You could refer to her as DW...Darling Wife or DP Darling Partner when you're writing posts on the forum if you want to😊
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 29-05-2016 at 13:26.
I haven't gone through & read all the responses just yet but thought I'd put my two cents in anyway.
We've been through a long four year journey of infertility. We also underwent ivf too & were so fortunate of getting our dd from it.
I've had a combination of both male & female sonographers (internal & external examinations) & Ob/Gyn's. I have had many internal examinations of all which were necessary along with a cesarian section when having baby.
All of the doctors/medical staff doing this have been nothing but professional. I have never noticed a difference between male or female staff.
This journey is hard enough as it is let alone having a partner sitting there making things super awkward when these medical procedures are necessary. The exact same procedures would be done if it were a female doctor/staff. I would be so angry & embarrassed if my DH had of behaved like that at any point. And to be completely honest I probably wouldn't go back if he acted like that.
Is it possible that the whole pregnancy side of things be put off/delayed until you can get this sorted & be able to be there for your partner without thinking the male staff are doing this for no reason? Infertility is hard let alone having to worry about your partner being funny around medical staff. Maybe counselling would help?
I can tell you first hand that none of the examinations are comfortable. Can you start looking at it in a clinical way & the way it is to get your baby?
How do you feel about female doctors having to do all the same examinations?
And I'm just curious, what about when you're at the age & have to have an examination to have your prostate checked? How would you feel if it were a female doctor? I can guarantee they wouldn't be thinking of that in any way other than a necessary examination.
I do really feel sorry for male doctors sometimes. I never cared if my doctors were male or female, I only cared about baby.
Anyway, OP I think @BlondeinBrisvegas showed a lot of insight in her post. You recognise that your feelings are irrational which is a start and going from subsequent posts you come across as a little over emotional. Is it possible everything is starting to overwhelm you? I can't imagine going through miscarriages like that but I have been through a separation and know how tough that is emotionally. This seems like one thing you feel like you have control over, when lots of other things seem so out of your control.
You are lucky that your partner seems so understanding of you at the moment, but there may come a point where she's had enough and won't tolerate it any more. I can assure you that if she were to become distressed during labour and her or your child's life were at risk, then you wouldn't be bothered about the gender of the doctor that saved them. Just get help. It's that simple.
I have to say, I've found your posts and point of view a bit... ick.
Protectiveness and a short step away from possessiveness and controlling behaviours.
Were you like this before fertility issues started?
It's good that you've recognized your troughts aren't rational though.
The best thing you can do, as previous posters have said, is seek some counselling for yourself. I suspect a previous poster has hit the nail on the head though: you probably resent feeling usurped by other men, partucularly since there's male factor infertility involved.
Amateur Bubhub psychoanalysis is no substitute for proper counselling though.
I admit I was taken back by your posts. As a woman that hasn't been through IVF but has been through HsG's, laporoscopies let me tell you it isn't pleasant on any level and the notion that it may be viewed as sexual made me cringe.
But I agree with BlondeinBrisvegas. I think you have feelings of guilt over it being male factor and feel emasculated. As a women who had male factor (my DH has awful motility) firstly I do understand - my DH had similar feelings. That he wasn't a man, that he was a failure. He didn't however have these feelings of jealousy over procedures. Second, as a woman who went through a fair bit emotionally and physically bc of male factor.... I'm not angry/upset at my husband. I never saw him in a negative light. yes all the procedures sucked terribly. But it wasn't his fault. Nor is it yours.
I think you have some issues you seriously need to sort through. For you and your wife. She is going through enough right now and you most certainly are being irrational. She needs your support. But... I do feel some empathy for you. Men tend to force complex emotions back in favour of more primitive, 'masculine' emotions like anger and jealousy.
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