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  1. #21
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    OP, you have try and see it from your lady's perspective. She is fine with it, she has no issues at all with being examined by whoever. She sounds very calm and collected. You do not own her, she is in charge of her own body. She is in control with this, not you. If she is comfortable, then you need to respect her decision.

    What is happening in terms of IVF is such a draining process (emotionally and financially), if you throw your extreme emotions into it, it's a recipe for disaster. Your feelings are completely irrational (as you have acknowledged), there is absolutely nothing sexual about the world of medicine, especially IVF. If these are your genuine feelings then you need to see a mental healthcare professional ASAP. It's is very concerning and unhealthy and who knows what it will manifest into.

    A forum like this will attract support but also a lot of criticism especially for views that are so extreme.

    I wish you all the best in your IVF ventures but please, get yourself some help to cope with it all.

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  3. #22
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    Not your body, not your choice, not your problem. You need to either see your gp for a referral or preferably ring mensline to organise to speak to someone about the high levels of control and ownership you feel towards your partners body.

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  5. #23
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    Not sure this will help, but here goes.

    I am a hospital-based female doctor. In my career thus far, I have seen lots of mens' doodles. Not once have I looked at the penis of a patient in a sexual way. Honestly, it's just another body-part.

    I remember vividly, when I was a medical student, sitting in at Urology Clinic, learning to do rectal exams to check for prostate disease. I was a young woman of 22, (apparently) attractive, and I was very nervous. My fear? That I would in some way cause embarrassment to the patient. These were men in their 60s.

    But they were consistently great. Not sleazy or suggestive in the slightest. 'Of course love, you have to learn somehow". I felt privileged. And that's just it; if a patient allows you to learn from them, it is a great privilege.

    Maybe you can learn something from these old blokes?

    I am surprised you are wasting emotional energy on a "non-situation". I imagine I would be investing my emotion into whether or not this emby-transfer has worked.

    And when you refer to your wife as "your Lady", it sounds like you are talking about the Madonna. Perhaps that's the problem?

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by J37 View Post
    Not sure this will help, but here goes.

    I am a hospital-based female doctor. In my career thus far, I have seen lots of mens' doodles. Not once have I looked at the penis of a patient in a sexual way. Honestly, it's just another body-part.

    I remember vividly, when I was a medical student, sitting in at Urology Clinic, learning to do rectal exams to check for prostate disease. I was a young woman of 22, (apparently) attractive, and I was very nervous. My fear? That I would in some way cause embarrassment to the patient. These were men in their 60s.

    But they were consistently great. Not sleazy or suggestive in the slightest. 'Of course love, you have to learn somehow". I felt privileged. And that's just it; if a patient allows you to learn from them, it is a great privilege.

    Maybe you can learn something from these old blokes?

    I am surprised you are wasting emotional energy on a "non-situation". I imagine I would be investing my emotion into whether or not this emby-transfer has worked.

    And when you refer to your wife as "your Lady", it sounds like you are talking about the Madonna. Perhaps that's the problem?

    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Perfectly said!!!! To see people in such a vulnerable state is a privilege. We don't take it lightly it isn't about fun.

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  9. #25
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    If something happened to your wife during labour (God forbid) and you were faced with a room full of Doctors, I'm pretty sure you would be hoping to God that one of them had some experience. That one of them was confident enough in what they had previously learned to be able to save your wife - and the life of your unborn child - whether they be male or female.

    That only comes from those Doctors being given the opportunity to learn.

    No matter where or why your feelings of jealousy come from (and let's be honest - that's exactly what they are), there is no place for them in the world of childbirth and medicine.

    You need to get help for this now.

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  11. #26
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    This leaves me feeling yuck. The OP sexualising a medical procedure, the psychological issues that surround that, the crass way of describing a v.aginal examination, the constant talk of 'my lady' (in my head it sounds possessive), and the way a first time poster describes a regular member who has posted here. None of it sits right with me.
    If this is a genuine post, then TCK get help. You need it.

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  13. #27
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    Wow, you seriously need help. Professional, psychological help. Don't bother with google or parenting forums to 'fix' this, you actually need to go and seek proper counselling over this, because you're right- it IS irrational.

    You ARE controlling.
    Your partner just had a general anaesthetic- you say it was YOUR choice.
    When the nurse asked if the student could come and watch- your partner looked straight at you to 'check' if it was allowed.
    You were so consumed with jealousy (seriously? WTF) when your partner was having this procedure, that you missed the entire procedure because you were too busy hating on the dr!
    And now, you are still saying that you are kicking yourself as YOU should have said no to him being there. It's your partner that is having these invasive procedures... how about it's her body- her choice?

    Seriously OP, go and get counselling!

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  15. #28
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    Default Irrational problem. Looking for anything to hold on to.

    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    . I just faltered because I said "yes" when I should have said "no" and it's eating me.
    .
    The answer is not you having said NO. It's you getting help so you are 100% comfortable with saying YES to the request which your partner agreed to as she knew it was quite reasonable.
    Please get help before progressing further with trying to have a kid.
    Last edited by VicPark; 29-05-2016 at 09:18.

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  17. #29
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    Let's forget about dr and talk about what you are doing to your partner.

    Coming from someone how has 10 pregnancies and god knows how many people hands inside me doing medical procedures. Guessing somewhere between 60 and 80.
    It is not nice. It's not pleasurable. It can be freaking painful. Your partner NEEDS your support not you to be a controlling and making it so much harder and more painful for her.
    Yes you are causing her physical pain. If you are tense while it's happening it freaking hurt worse. Seriously grow the funk up or get the funk out. Stop hurting her.
    Now for what you are doing to her emotionally is even more damaging. Seriously damaging.

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  19. #30
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    Ok. I have read a few posts here and there but want to address something.

    Please be aware that women (not all) actually have no preference for male/female drs and some actually have a preference for male.

    Not due to anything 'sexual'. I had actually found that the male GP I had for years and years was the most gentle with pap smears. My ob was male. I even had a males who did internal scans.

    It is their job.

    If my DH had acted this way I would be p!ssed. It is my body and my choice of practitioner.

    I would suggest you need to speak to someone about this as your partner will notice and you will be affecting her experience too. For anything pregnancy/fertility you need to be relaxed.

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