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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by babymummatobe View Post
    I would suggest seeing a counsellor or psychologist of some kind.

    As someone who has gone through the public system for infertility issues and now pregnancy (currently 13 weeks), I have seen many male doctors.
    This pregnancy I have had a few issues which saw me in the emergency department and every doctor I saw while there (4 doctors) all of them were male. When you're in the public system, you don't get to be picky. They are professionals whose job it is to help you, nothing more, nothing less.
    I'm now being managed by an OB who is male and I love him and the work he does and would pick him over the female obs I have met.
    My GP is also male and I picked him by choice.
    Sound very similar to me with your doctors and with my OB who is also my Gyno and my infertility his wife is his nurse in his private practice. So there's another scenario for you. They are a great team and I would pick him for every child I could ever have over any females I've ever met and encountered

  2. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    Just because she's ok with it doesn't mean I have to be.
    .
    You're right: no-one can force you to be ok with it.

    However you came on BH and posted your story so you have to be prepared to listen when people say you're being irrational and unfair and that it's unwise of you to continue to try for a kid until you get help.

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  4. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    Thank you for sharing that.

    Being an abdominal surgery I would expect that you weren't on display for all to see?

    I would think you'd be covered in so many medical drapes and covers that all they'd be seeing is a patch of skin.

    You're not in stirrups for an operation like that are you?
    No, you're not in stirrups at all. You're lying on a table and yes, there are drapes etc covering you. You can't see anything at all from the chest down

  5. #154
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    Default Irrational problem. Looking for anything to hold on to.

    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    There has been so many derogatory posts here it is utterly fascinating.

    I have re-read my initial post and from that I have received responses such as:

    That I am controlling.
    Ownership of my partner.
    That I am mistreating her.
    I am unfit to have or even be around children until I fix this.
    Implications of pedophilia.
    That I am sick in the head.

    If I tried to control my partner she would tell me where to stick it.

    If I told her what to do, or where to go or what to say she would tell me a whole lot more than you guys have told me here, plus she'd probably leave me if I kept going.

    DP does as she pleases, when she pleases. We both do.

    We let each other know what we're doing but at no point does she ever ask my permission. Not does she need to. I would never never even dream being like that, especially after my ex wife did exactly that to me. I was constantly monitored. Had to have a reason for going to or doing anything.

    I was frequently accused by her of being physically abusive, where the only times she was ever hurt by me was when I was trying to hold her wrists to stop her from laying into me because of something I said wrong. I've had several black eyes from her yet I'm the abuser.

    I got out of that by running and leaving everything behind.

    Now what makes you think I would EVER turn around and do the same to my partner?

    We are both free from having to explain anything we do except for decisions that affect both of us, such as finances. We discuss those.

    She has many male friends and several male practitioners of different fields.

    Excuse me for feeling majorly uncomfortable having another man see my DP naked from the waist down, regardless of his profession.
    Some of you took this to a sexual place. A place I did say could be playing a part. I retract that upon thinking about it. This is not sexual in nature.

    I have never told her that she cannot see male practitioners and I never will. If she told me right now that she will only ever see male gynosand fert specialists I would certainly question it, but I would never stop her. I would have to wear it.

    But she does not mind seeing only females. She doesn't care a damn. I asked her if it would be OK if we only saw females as of last week and she said that it was fine. She truly doesn't care.

    Keyword here is "asked".

    There is no immediate problem at the moment. I came here of my own accord to get opinions and see if I was an odd one out. To see if maybe I could get around this uncomfortability on my own to make things easier for us both, particularly when we have no choice but to see a male.

    Some of you have gone off on such wide tangents and it has resulted in the abuse I have received from several of you.

    For a short while today I was even questioning my own sanity. Are these women/ladies correct? Am I really like this?

    No! I am not.

    Perhaps I haven't conveyed myself adequately. Perhaps I have been too honest and it has frightened you. Perhaps it is not I that needs to "get over it".

    When we go to the beach she wears her two price bikini, I love it! I love seeing her in short shorts and skimpy clothes. Even out in public. She looks amazing.

    I simply am not comfortable having another man looking at her naked. Period.

    Talk about mountains out of ****ing mole hills!
    First of all men should be able to post on Bub hub and get advice. And join in the chat. Many have, and have been welcomed openly by members. DaveTTC is one member (doesn't post so much now) who people seem to get along quite well with. 'Father' wasn't as PC but gee his posts led to some interesting discussions and I miss his membership.

    That being said you are posting in a forum predominately used by females. Mums. Mums to be. People who want to become mums. Hormones are flying around left right and centre. You need to be sensitive to what you are saying and how that may be received by women. You can't just start talking about doctors shoving their hands up someone's vagina for no reason. Or whatever you said it was incredibly jarring, crude and offensive. It was the point in the thread where the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and the guard went up. You can't go threatening violence and using the F word in an aggressive manner in a thread when you (should) know damn well that violence against women is rife in our society (for your awareness, there are members on here who have been and currently are victims of domestic violence).

    If you are to get through this you need to take a moment. A few days. Whatever time you need. Take a deep breath. Think about what you've said and done. Stop blaming others for how this thread turned out. YOU took it to a sexual place. YOU made a mountain out of a molehill. YOU are controlling of your wife - the fact that you sought her agreement with your unreasonable demand doesn't make it any less controlling. YOU made female members feel icky with your crude and aggressive language.

    As others have said - please get help. Before you have kids.

    I don't think there's anything more we can do for you until you get help, take a break and come back to revisit this in a calm manner when you have an awareness of how things may be perceived by the female audience here on BH.

    Best of luck.
    Last edited by VicPark; 30-05-2016 at 21:00.

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  7. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You're right: no-one can force you to be ok with it.

    However you came on BH and posted your story so you have to be prepared to listen when people say you're being irrational and unfair and that it's unwise of you to continue to try for a kid until you get help.
    I don't know if I'm more concerned about the op's thoughts, or the fact I keep agreeing with you! 😂

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  9. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    First of all men should be able to post on Bub hub and get advice. And join in the chat. Many have, and have been welcomed openly by members. DaveTTC is one member (doesn't post so much now) who people seem to get along quite well with. 'Father' wasn't as PC but gee his posts led to some interesting discussions and I miss his membership.

    That being said you are posting in a forum predominately used by females. Mums. Mums to be. People who want to become mums. Hormones are flying around left right and centre. You need to be sensitive to what you are saying and how that may be received by women. You can't just start talking about doctors shoving their hands up someone's vagina for no reason. Or whatever you said it was incredibly jarring, crude and offensive. It was the point in the thread where the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and the guard went up. You can't go threatening violence and using the F word in an aggressive manner in a thread when you (should) know damn well that violence against women is rife in out society (for your awareness, there are members on here who have been and currently are victims of domestic violence).

    If you are to get through this you need to take a moment. A few days. Whatever time you need. Take a deep breath. Think about what you've said and done. Stop blaming others for how this thread turned out. YOU took it to a sexual place. YOU made a mountain out of a molehill. YOU are controlling of your wife - the fact that you sought her agreement with your unreasonable demand doesn't make it any less controlling. YOU made female members feel icky with your crude and aggressive language.

    As others have said - please get help. Before you have kids.

    I don't think there's anything more we can do for you until you get help, take a break and come back to revisit this in a calm manner when you have an awareness of how things may be perceived by the female audience here on BH.

    Best of luck.
    TCK, please read this and listen to it. It sounds to me like you want validation for your feelings...your partner is okay with your requests, therefore you don't need to do anything. Yes, you do. You need help. These feelings are irrational. It shouldn't be such a big problem.
    And yes, if you want to hang around and be a regular member of the forum then do so...but take on Vic Park's advice about the way you post. Describing an internal examination as someone shoving their fingers up someone's vagina is a DISGUSTING description. You actually made me feel dirty reading it...the fact that you even thought that to say it is so grossly inappropriate. You can't come on to a forum that is predominantly women and describe medical procedures we have ALL endured like that. It's not okay. If you feel that's what it is then it's further proof that you NEED to get help for your thoughts. It's that simple. Get help. Stop looking for validation, stop looking for rationale...some posters have given you insight as to why you might be feeling that way....that doesn't mean they're saying it's okay to feel that way and to ignore these feelings. Don't confuse the two.

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  11. #157
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    I only have a quick second before work, but I have edited the post that is upsetting everyone to more accurately reflect what I'm thinking and to be a little more considerate.

    I admit I have not taken into account that most here are either pregnant or trying and have been through a lot.

    I apologise for not being considerate here.

  12. #158
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    Right, so for all you nasty *** people out there who have accused me of all sorts of things...

    Hear this...

    I have spoken to a psych and they think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Many, many men have similar feelings about other men being employed for such procedures by their wives/partners.

    Instead, the psych is focussing on the fact of life that occasionally it is outside of ones abilities to control such things, in particular in emergencies, but barring that instance, simply avoiding the problem where choice exists is a simple solution. If she feels controlled, she tells me. Simple.

    Where choice does not exist that is where the psych is focussing. Getting though those issues.

    Funnily enough I have already stated several times, that when the choice is not available such as in an emergency, then there will not be a problem as my main focus would be saving my partner and baby's life.

    So once again, thank you to those who tried to understand me even if my wording was quite confronting. Thank you to those who even stood up for me against the naysayers.

    But I will be continuing on my merry little life, trying to do the best that I can for the sole purpose of supporting my DP and the baby we may soon be having.

    Right now, that is my life's purpose.

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  14. #159
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    Goodluck, thanks for the kinds words. *******.

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  16. #160
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    Good on you for seeking help! None of us is perfect but an objective professional can make a big difference at times. All the best with your journey - good on you for acknowledging your imperfections

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