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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    The emergency care point has been made already. In emergencies this is irrelevant. But while there is a choice I am not comfortable.

    I am only concerned about gynaecological issues.

    If my daughter would need a dr for any need besides these I am fine. Male or female. But as soon as undies come off, I am finding a female for her.
    It was the same for me when I was a child. Until I was in my 20s and making my own choices my gynaecologists were always female. It's how my mother (who is a midwife and very used to working with male obstetricians) and my father preferred it.

    I have 3 girls. Their doctor is a male but as soon as my eldest gets older she'll be seeing a female for any issues she doesn't feel comfortable seeing a male about.

    I have nothing against male doctors at all and all my doctors are male but if I have a choice and my daughters comfort is involved then we'll be seeing females.

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  3. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    I would kill for my children. Wouldn't you?

    I love these two girls like they are my own. I'm not going to stand and talk someone to death if they aimed to harm them.

    As for the broken nose, I stand by that. How might you react if someone were to cleverly cover up the implication that you were some sort of pedophile? I'm not sure that's what it was, but that's how I read it.

    I doubt you would react favourably to that.

    As for the stereotype, the only ones who would be offended by this in the thread would be those that fit the bill. I highly doubt that any one of the people here that have been helpful, calm and objective would be offended by that statement.

    I stand by my post.
    I think you need to wait a few days and then come back and re-read this thread. I wholeheartedly agree with silver flute. You came here because you knew you had a problem with jealously. I can understand why it's hard to hear but this thread has shown that jealously is the tip of the iceberg you also need to deal with your aggression and controlling ideas. I am trying to find words to tell you how significant it is that you feel this way about the women that you say you love (without using the words that first come to mind because you will just think I'm a nasty b!txh and not listen). It is abusive. No I would not kill for my children, nor would I punch anyone. I would protect them with my life but there is a significant difference between the two. I am worried for your daughters. Not because I think you will sexually abuse them but because I think you will feel the same way about them as you do your DP. This alone is reason to worry. Please understand how significant this is. I also worry for your sons. I worry that they will grow up to think that they can control the women in their life. Unfortunately there are many men who feel is way OP but that does not detract from how disgusting it really is. Your posts have upset me greatly. I am a women and I believe your DP is being mistreated. I am very insulted by your ideas about all of this. I am also a health care worker who performs vaginal exams on a regular basis. What can I say that hasn't been said above....
    I know it's hard to hear but what you have written is so deeply and personally offensive to many of us that the responses are going to be harsh. I wish your DP luck with this pregnancy.

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  5. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by TCK View Post
    The emergency care point has been made already. In emergencies this is irrelevant. But while there is a choice I am not comfortable.

    I am only concerned about gynaecological issues.

    If my daughter would need a dr for any need besides these I am fine. Male or female. But as soon as undies come off, I am finding a female for her.
    If you take seriously the concerns of many in this thread and seek professional help them I hope one day when you have a child that needs to see a dr your only though will be finding the best one. Not a female one.

    Finding the dr is not the main point here op. It's WHY you feel this way. Your DP, your child, their vaginas, they are not yours to feel ownership over.

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  7. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    If you take seriously the concerns of many in this thread and seek professional help them I hope one day when you have a child that needs to see a dr your only though will be finding the best one. Not a female one.

    Finding the dr is not the main point here op. It's WHY you feel this way. Your DP, your child, their vaginas, they are not yours to feel ownership over.
    ^this^

    Well articulated @RedCreamingSoda

  8. #125
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    TCK, I haven't replied before but I've been giving this some thought.

    You know what, if my DH needed to see a urologist I would feel a little iffy if it was a youngish, attractivish female. Not that I would think she is thinking anything sexual, more just that I feel DH's bits are for him and me. It wouldn't make my vision blur with fury or worry, but it would just not sit right on some level. If it was causing me great angst, then I would either find someone IRL I could confide in to "get it all out" or if necessary talk to a psychologist. I'm guessing you are considering this option and I say, go for it! It just may take seeing more than 1 to find one you click with.

    FWIW, I can also see how irrational my thoughts are. I haven't been through IVF but I had abnormal cervical cells requiring repeated checks and treatments, ovarian cysts requiring internal ultrasounds, a D&C, failing pregnancies requiring many ultrasounds also, plus had 2 kids! Hell, during one colposcopy they asked if the student OB/gyns could come observe so I had an additional 5 people taking a turn to look through the magnifier at my cervix. Being public I rarely got a choice and mostly it was males. None of this bothered me, yet I would understand my DH feeling a bit odd about the male Drs, purely for the same reasons I have. Our genitals are special to just us as a couple.

    I don't have trust issues, or possessiveness, DH can do pretty much what he wants (I didn't bat an eyelid at him going to Vegas for a bucks last year) but if I ask myself honestly, deep down part of me would have an issue with a female Dr touching my husband's p3nis or scrotum.

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  10. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeinBrisvegas View Post
    For a start...he's never had to go down the ART road with any of his previous partners/ Ex wife from my understanding which is where & what, I believe, is the catalyst for all these thoughts, feelings & behaviours.

    ETA- Furthermore...Have you and your Partner had to go down the ART road to conceive your children???

    Unless you have, it's all good you surveying your husband/his mates on what he/they *think* they would do/feel in the same situation, but unless you've actually experienced it or are experiencing it yourself, it's a moot point and a waste of time as the truth of the matter is you have NFI what you'd do, think, feel or how you'd behave unless or until you go through it yourelf.

    You can take it from me that most people have all sorts of irrational thoughts and feelings about all sorts of different things and the way they manifest themselves in your own head is different for everyone, but the theme(s) can be and often are similar among people/sexes.
    My partner and myself have been down the ART for the last 4 years and spent upwards of nearly $70k to have a child together but not once has he complained that I've had male fertility and male gyno who is now my OB and set to deliver next month. And our fertility issues where on both our parts, myself with stage 4 endo on my ovaries tubes uterus bladder and cervix plus fibroid rumours and on my partners side he carries a genetic disorder which means every embryo has to be screened and his "swimmers are either dead or go backwards" so we know what I fertility is all about

  11. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    My partner and myself have been down the ART for the last 4 years and spent upwards of nearly $70k to have a child together but not once has he complained that I've had male fertility and male gyno who is now my OB and set to deliver next month. And our fertility issues where on both our parts, myself with stage 4 endo on my ovaries tubes uterus bladder and cervix plus fibroid rumours and on my partners side he carries a genetic disorder which means every embryo has to be screened and his "swimmers are either dead or go backwards" so we know what I fertility is all about

    Then I find it puzzling that you can't understand why the OP might be having a problem with what feelings/issues having MFI are bringing up for him???

    I get you can't get your head around the fact the OP has an issue with male health care providers, I'm talking about not being able to have any empathy for where he's at trying to deal with/process his thoughts/feelings around his infertility issues.
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 30-05-2016 at 13:24.

  12. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeinBrisvegas View Post
    Then I find it puzzling that you can't understand why the OP might be having a problem with what feelings/issues having MFI are bringing up for him???

    I get you can't get your head around the fact the OP has an issue with male health care providers, I'm talking about not being able to have any empathy for where he's at trying to deal with/process his thoughts/feelings around his infertility issues.
    It's not the fertility issues I don't understand at all. Hello my partner and I have the worst plus then someone that I haven't even mentioned.

    It's the fact that he needs to accept being in the public health system you don't get a choice in what doctor you see. If you want a women 100% of time and guaranteed a women then you need to pay for it by going the private route which he says they cannot do.

  13. #129
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    Wow babybeeno1. You're still going.

    Humour me on this one.

    Why do you believe I am here on this forum?

    Do you believe I don't know how the public health system works?

    Do you think if I could afford private health, this this would be a problem for me? Would I not just ask my DP to use females all the time?

  14. #130
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    There has been so many derogatory posts here it is utterly fascinating.

    I have re-read my initial post and from that I have received responses such as:

    That I am controlling.
    Ownership of my partner.
    That I am mistreating her.
    I am unfit to have or even be around children until I fix this.
    Implications of pedophilia.
    That I am sick in the head.

    If I tried to control my partner she would tell me where to stick it.

    If I told her what to do, or where to go or what to say she would tell me a whole lot more than you guys have told me here, plus she'd probably leave me if I kept going.

    DP does as she pleases, when she pleases. We both do.

    We let each other know what we're doing but at no point does she ever ask my permission. Not does she need to. I would never never even dream being like that, especially after my ex wife did exactly that to me. I was constantly monitored. Had to have a reason for going to or doing anything.

    I was frequently accused by her of being physically abusive, where the only times she was ever hurt by me was when I was trying to hold her wrists to stop her from laying into me because of something I said wrong. I've had several black eyes from her yet I'm the abuser.

    I got out of that by running and leaving everything behind.

    Now what makes you think I would EVER turn around and do the same to my partner?

    We are both free from having to explain anything we do except for decisions that affect both of us, such as finances. We discuss those.

    She has many male friends and several male practitioners of different fields.

    Excuse me for feeling majorly uncomfortable having another man see my DP naked from the waist down, regardless of his profession.
    Some of you took this to a sexual place. A place I did say could be playing a part. I retract that upon thinking about it. This is not sexual in nature.

    I have never told her that she cannot see male practitioners and I never will. If she told me right now that she will only ever see male gynosand fert specialists I would certainly question it, but I would never stop her. I would have to wear it.

    But she does not mind seeing only females. She doesn't care a damn. I asked her if it would be OK if we only saw females as of last week and she said that it was fine. She truly doesn't care.

    Keyword here is "asked".

    There is no immediate problem at the moment. I came here of my own accord to get opinions and see if I was an odd one out. To see if maybe I could get around this uncomfortability on my own to make things easier for us both, particularly when we have no choice but to see a male.

    Some of you have gone off on such wide tangents and it has resulted in the abuse I have received from several of you.

    For a short while today I was even questioning my own sanity. Are these women/ladies correct? Am I really like this?

    No! I am not.

    Perhaps I haven't conveyed myself adequately. Perhaps I have been too honest and it has frightened you. Perhaps it is not I that needs to "get over it".

    When we go to the beach she wears her two price bikini, I love it! I love seeing her in short shorts and skimpy clothes. Even out in public. She looks amazing.

    I simply am not comfortable having another man looking at her naked. Period.

    Talk about mountains out of ****ing mole hills!

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