It is old fashioned. Whilst to know me you would not believe, but I still open doors, draw back a chair and vacate my own when I see the requirement.
I could have written the post using 'my Woman' or 'my Missus' or 'the Missus'.
But I instead chose to use 'my Lady' as an abbreviation to 'my lady friend' but capitalised as a sign of respect.
You could have written "my wife"
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I admit i found the comment regarding ' shoving fingers in' horrific.
I have had gynae issues since a young teen, so have had multiple investigations and procedures, but the way that was described made me feel dirty.
I have a geniune question for the OP - what would your opinion be if the healthcare provider caring for your partner was a lesbian?
I ask out of genuine curiosity. I am a nurse, & just happen to be a lesbian too. I do pap smears, breast exams, and have done a lot of work with women who have had reconstructive breast operations after mastectomies.
But it is my job. It's my job to make the patient comfortable during a process we all know is often outside of the general comfort zone of people.
At no stage would i think anything inappropriate about any of the patients i work with.
The OP has the choice to see someone about his feelings. Feelings are real. And come from a real place. It is not something to 'get over'. What is important is realising you need help and asking for help.
I am glad he asked for help and advice. Yes, some of the things that he said was shocking - and he probably realises this but this is his thoughts/feelings and he was brutally honest. So were we. And from where this started to where it ended I hope that something good will come of this situation as the OP knows it is not ok.
No doubt if this was your husband/partner going through this same experience and it had bought up the same feelings etc for him regardless of whether or not anybody else understands them or not, regardless of the fact you or anybody else are shocked at hearing what they are or not, I just bet my bottom dollar if you found out he had taken it upon himself to reach out for help to other people on a parenting forum and had shown some insight into why he was feeling the way he was feeling and recognised he needed help to deal with those feelings and was more than willing to get it, you'd be nothing but loving and supportive toward him wouldn't you??
You wouldn't be treating him with derision ,castigating him and minimising his feelings I'm sure. Yeah...it would be an entirely different story as per if the shoe was on the other foot.
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 29-05-2016 at 22:00.
Another nurse chiming in here. OP, as a healthcare practitioner I have seen more sexual organs than most prostitutes! I cannot ever imagine having sexual feelings about any of my patients...there is NOTHING sexy about sexual organs in a non-sexual setting (say that 3 times fast!) Most Doctors and Nurses work damn hard in a difficult job -a job that takes us away from our families at night, on weekends etc etc so we can be there for the people you care about. I doubt many of us come to work for a grope and an ogle. The poor guy was probably concentrating furiously on trying to learn the procedure, not on your wife's lady bits. I think you need to realise that your wife is just another patient to the staff at the clinic - you are attaching far too much importance to an exam/procedure that is routine. Surely you knew vaginal access would be required? You need to address this control/over -sexualisation issue before kids come along, because they will change the dynamic of your life and marriage in a way that nothing can prepare you for😀
I would have been so angry and embarrassed if my husband acted the way you did. Your wife must be very tolerant.
It's your job to support your wife through these tough examinations. She deserves that. It's about her not you. My husband has been my rock during examinations and he has had no issue with male Drs, it's a non-issue.
No male dr is going to look at your wife in a sexual manner, they are there to do their job. An important job and you should be thankful for their help.
Your thoughts and feelings are not rational and I'm glad you recognize that. The next step is to seek help. ASAP for your wife's sake. If you can't man up and be there for your wife without making everyone involved uncomfortable, stay in the waiting room and let your wife take another support person in.
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