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  1. #1
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    Default Desperately longing for a daughter

    I have two beautiful boys. When I found out number two was a boy I did cry and then immediately felt guilty and awful. Once he was born, happy healthy and gorgeous those thoughts disapeared. Now they are coming back. In the last month I've had two Friends and a family member announce they are having a girl after having had two boys! I get really sad and emotional and irritated, I think I'm losing it, why can't I just be happy for them! I keep thinking what if that could be me? Why do I feel this way when I'm blessed to have such lovely sons.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mum of 2 munchkins View Post
    I have two beautiful boys. When I found out number two was a boy I did cry and then immediately felt guilty and awful. Once he was born, happy healthy and gorgeous those thoughts disapeared. Now they are coming back. In the last month I've had two Friends and a family member announce they are having a girl after having had two boys! I get really sad and emotional and irritated, I think I'm losing it, why can't I just be happy for them! I keep thinking what if that could be me? Why do I feel this way when I'm blessed to have such lovely sons.
    It's completely normal. I have 3 boys and with number 3 I found out at 20 weeks to give myself time to adjust. It's not that I don't love my boys but it's more that I feel like I'm missing out on a whole section of the world by not having a daughter.

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    I am inthe same situation, I adore my sons but feel sad that I dont have a girl.


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    Don't beat yourself up, it's totally normal to grieve the experiences and relationships that we'll never have. It doesn't mean you love your sons any less.
    For me, it's having a close adult relationship that makes me long to have a daughter, and that's what I'll be sad to miss out on.

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    Renn  (30-05-2016)

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    Have you ever thought about adopting a baby girl? Cate Blanchett did after she had three boys and couldn't be happier. What about going to the USA for gender selection?

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    I totally understand and no judgement at all over your feelings. I have 4 boys and my tubes are tied due to medical reasons so no chance of ever having my girl that I have always longed for. My boys are my world I love them beyond words but a girl would of just been the icing on the cake.
    My husband has always said we can adopt a girl if that's what I want but honestly the process is so long and full on I don't think we ever will.
    Don't think I have advice just saying I understand and your not alone xxx

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    I totally understand. I always thought I'd have a girl, but here I am with two boys. We're done at 2 - definitely no more kids. And while I love my two munchkins to pieces, I do still feel pangs of sadness at the knowledge that I'll never have a daughter. I think it's natural to mourn a little for the loss of something you hoped for. And I will admit - I do feel a little envious of people who got one of each gender.

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    I totally understand also. I have 2 beautiful boys. I didn't find out the sex with DS2 as I thought the excitement of giving birth would be enough to quell any potential disappointment I might feel as I really wanted a girl. For me I didn't feel disappointed thankfully. However I still really want a girl, and now wonder whether I should really go back for a third knowing there's a very good chance it will be another boy. I was lucky enough not to feel disappointed this time, but next time perhaps I would? I also wonder whether the gender thing is the reason I can't let go of wanting a third. I had previously said I only wanted 2 kids. Now I want to try again.

    I too feel guilty for even thinking about it, we are so blessed to have 2 healthy children I should be satisfied with that. But I will openly admit I would really like a daughter - less so for the cutsie pink dresses in childhood but more for the future relationship - I would like to think I can be a mother of the bride someday, and be able to be there for my daughter when she has her own babies. However, having a girl is no guarantee she would do any of those things.

    I don't really have any advice I am sorry. Just that you are not alone. I have a god daughter so if I never have a girl of my own I will try to keep a close relationship with her (and my nieces) and that will have to do.

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    Hey hon, it's stressful isn't it? I just gave birth to a girl and I struggled a lot with her gender. My second son passed away three hours after birth last year and when I found out my next baby was going to be a girl I felt sick. So I understand how you feel. I had this idea in my head of my two boys. I thought they'd be more likely to have similar interests, travel together, work together, go to school together etc than the pidgin pair. It was all planned in my head.

    To be honest, I got counselling, and it really helped. I identified that the issue was impacting on my life and making me unhappy, and unhappy for people with two boy families. The counselling just helped by giving me space to talk in a judgment free zone and try to get to the bottom of why I felt the way I did.

    I think when it gets to the stage where you can't be happy for people who have a baby of the gender you want, then maybe counselling is a good idea.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    I totally understand also. I have 2 beautiful boys. I didn't find out the sex with DS2 as I thought the excitement of giving birth would be enough to quell any potential disappointment I might feel as I really wanted a girl. For me I didn't feel disappointed thankfully. However I still really want a girl, and now wonder whether I should really go back for a third knowing there's a very good chance it will be another boy. I was lucky enough not to feel disappointed this time, but next time perhaps I would? I also wonder whether the gender thing is the reason I can't let go of wanting a third. I had previously said I only wanted 2 kids. Now I want to try again.

    I too feel guilty for even thinking about it, we are so blessed to have 2 healthy children I should be satisfied with that. But I will openly admit I would really like a daughter - less so for the cutsie pink dresses in childhood but more for the future relationship - I would like to think I can be a mother of the bride someday, and be able to be there for my daughter when she has her own babies. However, having a girl is no guarantee she would do any of those things.

    I don't really have any advice I am sorry. Just that you are not alone. I have a god daughter so if I never have a girl of my own I will try to keep a close relationship with her (and my nieces) and that will have to do.
    agree about the future mother-daughter relationship. I had/have a great relo with my mum and I'd love to have that as I get older. we are more like friends now, it's great. although there's no guarantees I'd have that anyway. you could end up with a daughter whose personality totally clashes with mine and we don't end up close at all.


 

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