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  1. #41
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    I would wait until your friends parents return home and leave it up to them to support him.
    I suppose it depends on how close you all are though, do you see them both often? Are you close to both of them or only him? Or are you more of an old friend, an acquaintance?
    If he is guilty of DV, be careful he isn't involving you to try and make his wife second guess the dvo over jealosuly. DV perps do strange things to try and get their partners back.
    No we don't know what happens behind closed doors and even some of those that do know DV is happening, choose to ignore it and not get involved, or refuse to face that their friend or family member is like that.

    On the other hand PND may have been what led her to take out the DVO.
    Or it may just be his excuse as to why she has taken it out, maybe she doesn't even have PND. Or she may have PND, but may also be a victim of DV. We just don't know.

    There are some women (no doubt men too) who take DVOs out on false allegations.
    Usually they do it once the relationship has already ended though and the couple has gone their seperate ways and they are wanting full parental responsibility.
    Usually there is a new partner involved and they want only him to be the father figure, or they may want to relocate overseas or interstate knowing the other parent wouldnt agree to not seeing his children on a regular basis, so need that full parental responsibility so they don't need his prior written approval. Sometimes it's because the father has a new partner and the mother of the children has jealously issues so doesn't want the children around the new partner.
    In your friends case we don't know if anything is going on like this, but since they were still together and living together that same day, then it isn't likely.

    The DVO can change his time spent with his children, in the way that if she does get it approved, she can now choose to apply to the family court with it, and seek full parental responsibility, it doesn't mean it will be given though, but if so, she is solely responsible for any life changing decisions then and he will have no say, for example, where they live, go to school, obtaining passports, travel, religion, Drs etc plus it could mean less visitation an6s supervised visits either in a contact centre where a stranger will watch him with the kids, or via a court approved other family member, like his parents, or even hers.

    However there are couples who have a dvo then continue on with their relationship.

    All he can do is plead his case, provide any evidence, phone records, his history, the medical issues happening, letters from the hospital, Drs etc.
    It will probably be adjourned when he first appears, the Judge will ask for any witnesses to appear at the next hearing no doubt. If he decides not to go to court, the dvo will be granted.

    As you don't know for sure if he is innocent or not, i would be very cautious and wait until the parents are back to offer him that support if it were me.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    I would wait until your friends parents return home and leave it up to them to support him.
    I suppose it depends on how close you all are though, do you see them both often? Are you close to both of them or only him? Or are you more of an old friend, an acquaintance?
    If he is guilty of DV, be careful he isn't involving you to try and make his wife second guess the dvo over jealosuly. DV perps do strange things to try and get their partners back.
    No we don't know what happens behind closed doors and even some of those that do know DV is happening, choose to ignore it and not get involved, or refuse to face that their friend or family member is like that.

    On the other hand PND may have been what led her to take out the DVO.
    Or it may just be his excuse as to why she has taken it out, maybe she doesn't even have PND. Or she may have PND, but may also be a victim of DV. We just don't know.

    There are some women (no doubt men too) who take DVOs out on false allegations.
    Usually they do it once the relationship has already ended though and the couple has gone their seperate ways and they are wanting full parental responsibility.
    Usually there is a new partner involved and they want only him to be the father figure, or they may want to relocate overseas or interstate knowing the other parent wouldnt agree to not seeing his children on a regular basis, so need that full parental responsibility so they don't need his prior written approval. Sometimes it's because the father has a new partner and the mother of the children has jealously issues so doesn't want the children around the new partner.
    In your friends case we don't know if anything is going on like this, but since they were still together and living together that same day, then it isn't likely.

    The DVO can change his time spent with his children, in the way that if she does get it approved, she can now choose to apply to the family court with it, and seek full parental responsibility, it doesn't mean it will be given though, but if so, she is solely responsible for any life changing decisions then and he will have no say, for example, where they live, go to school, obtaining passports, travel, religion, Drs etc plus it could mean less visitation an6s supervised visits either in a contact centre where a stranger will watch him with the kids, or via a court approved other family member, like his parents, or even hers.

    However there are couples who have a dvo then continue on with their relationship.

    All he can do is plead his case, provide any evidence, phone records, his history, the medical issues happening, letters from the hospital, Drs etc.
    It will probably be adjourned when he first appears, the Judge will ask for any witnesses to appear at the next hearing no doubt. If he decides not to go to court, the dvo will be granted.

    As you don't know for sure if he is innocent or not, i would be very cautious and wait until the parents are back to offer him that support if it were me.
    His wife is from Chile. She has mentioned wanting to go back there.

    K has never had any criminal history or on drugs or anything. He is recovering from cancer too (he's in remission).

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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    Please remember that people can be very very different behind closed doors. We knew a couple very well and were shocked to hear they had seperated due to domestic violence, he came across as an incredibly caring loving gentle husband. The truth was an emotionally and physically abusive man who had no regard for his wife.

    While I hope your friend is wrongly accused it's important to remember not everything is always as it seems.
    I here exactly what you are saying here. This was how my first marriage was. Everyone thought he was a catch but behind doors he turned narcisstic, violent and a seriously bad temper that unfortunately I used to cop physically even when pregnant, finally he left and I was able to get an intervention but you need a lot of evidence and police reports to get one.

    My advice for poster is to not interfere with this one at all.

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by monroe78 View Post
    I would wait until your friends parents return home and leave it up to them to support him.
    I suppose it depends on how close you all are though, do you see them both often? Are you close to both of them or only him? Or are you more of an old friend, an acquaintance?
    If he is guilty of DV, be careful he isn't involving you to try and make his wife second guess the dvo over jealosuly. DV perps do strange things to try and get their partners back.
    No we don't know what happens behind closed doors and even some of those that do know DV is happening, choose to ignore it and not get involved, or refuse to face that their friend or family member is like that.

    On the other hand PND may have been what led her to take out the DVO.
    Or it may just be his excuse as to why she has taken it out, maybe she doesn't even have PND. Or she may have PND, but may also be a victim of DV. We just don't know.

    There are some women (no doubt men too) who take DVOs out on false allegations.
    Usually they do it once the relationship has already ended though and the couple has gone their seperate ways and they are wanting full parental responsibility.
    Usually there is a new partner involved and they want only him to be the father figure, or they may want to relocate overseas or interstate knowing the other parent wouldnt agree to not seeing his children on a regular basis, so need that full parental responsibility so they don't need his prior written approval. Sometimes it's because the father has a new partner and the mother of the children has jealously issues so doesn't want the children around the new partner.
    In your friends case we don't know if anything is going on like this, but since they were still together and living together that same day, then it isn't likely.

    The DVO can change his time spent with his children, in the way that if she does get it approved, she can now choose to apply to the family court with it, and seek full parental responsibility, it doesn't mean it will be given though, but if so, she is solely responsible for any life changing decisions then and he will have no say, for example, where they live, go to school, obtaining passports, travel, religion, Drs etc plus it could mean less visitation an6s supervised visits either in a contact centre where a stranger will watch him with the kids, or via a court approved other family member, like his parents, or even hers.

    However there are couples who have a dvo then continue on with their relationship.

    All he can do is plead his case, provide any evidence, phone records, his history, the medical issues happening, letters from the hospital, Drs etc.
    It will probably be adjourned when he first appears, the Judge will ask for any witnesses to appear at the next hearing no doubt. If he decides not to go to court, the dvo will be granted.

    As you don't know for sure if he is innocent or not, i would be very cautious and wait until the parents are back to offer him that support if it were me.
    You've hit the nail on the head. But having been through this. There are options at the first hearing, he can appear and ask for an extension to prepare which will be granted. When he goes back the 2nd time he can either plead guilty then the DVO will be granted or not guilty if in this case it goes to trial and both parties need to be present. For the M she would of had to of made and paid for application then Gone to court without him even knowing and have presented all of her evidence before the magistra for them to even consider it going forward. This is exactly how mine was in 2012. I had multiple folders of pictures of myself, police reports, statements and even letters from the Ex writing abusive letters to myself, my child and my family.

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  7. #45
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    There are lots of women out there who lie to the courts and keep the kids and ex (kids father) away from one another. I've seen it personally with my own family!

    K has messaged me and a few other mutual friends and we (especially him) are all confused as to why she has done this.

    Lots of people on here are saying "he must be violent.. You don't know him well"
    I know both very well. She's the violent one. She's admitted (gloated!) about getting into fights!
    Believe it or not there are women who abuse too! There are mothers who go to any extremes to make sure the ex doesn't see his kids even if she has to lie!

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  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    You've hit the nail on the head. But having been through this. There are options at the first hearing, he can appear and ask for an extension to prepare which will be granted. When he goes back the 2nd time he can either plead guilty then the DVO will be granted or not guilty if in this case it goes to trial and both parties need to be present. For the M she would of had to of made and paid for application then Gone to court without him even knowing and have presented all of her evidence before the magistra for them to even consider it going forward. This is exactly how mine was in 2012. I had multiple folders of pictures of myself, police reports, statements and even letters from the Ex writing abusive letters to myself, my child and my family.
    It may be slightly different in different states or circumstances on how the dvo court works.
    I know with our local coirt, the person accused of it pleads guilty or not guilty on the first day in court, or the Judge would be more inclined to ask if they agree with the dvo being in place, if they say no, then the Judge will give them a new date to go to court again, to both plead their sides and bring in their witnesses. Basically the trial. They like to fast track all the cases.

    In the meantime the mother in this case could already have the temporary dvo in place, i can't recall if the OP said that she did or not.
    If so the friend will have to abide by it and if he is found wrongly accused in court, then the temporary dvo no longer exists.

    I'm sorry you experienced DV and am glad you got out of it :thumbup:

  10. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    His wife is from Chile. She has mentioned wanting to go back there.

    K has never had any criminal history or on drugs or anything. He is recovering from cancer too (he's in remission).
    Your friend would be wise to mention the fact she has spoken of going back to Chile to his lawyer and that she is from there, if he hasn't already discussed that with the lawyer.
    She could be planning on leaving once the youngest is discharged from hospital. Does she have family support over there or in Australia?
    It's scary how many parents apply for a false dvo, then vanish with the children, having used the dvo on false allegations to pull the wool over the other parents eyes.
    Not saying she is, as ofcourse we don't know what could be going on here, but it does happen!

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  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    There are lots of women out there who lie to the courts and keep the kids and ex (kids father) away from one another. I've seen it personally with my own family!

    K has messaged me and a few other mutual friends and we (especially him) are all confused as to why she has done this.

    Lots of people on here are saying "he must be violent.. You don't know him well"
    I know both very well. She's the violent one. She's admitted (gloated!) about getting into fights!
    Believe it or not there are women who abuse too! There are mothers who go to any extremes to make sure the ex doesn't see his kids even if she has to lie!
    I have seen it happen first hand myself too and also have another friend who is still waiting for her child to be returned to Australia after the other parent vanished overseas with their child a few years ago to be with another person.
    The court has granted the child must be returned, that the parent here has parental rights etc, but getting the child back is harder than some people think. It has now been a good few years since this child was taken

  13. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    We dated in highschool when we were 15. We didn't do anything sexual (just kissed) and we've both had several relationships after that. I'm happy with my partner (apart from a few issues, which I didn't mention to said ex/friend) and he (up until now) was happily married.
    We've been friends longer than bf/gf. We dated a year. I've been with my current partner almost 4 years. He's been married 8/7 years. I was also engaged to my ex for years too.
    Believe it or not ex's (especially after
    18 years) can be friends!
    Hang on isn't your partner verbally abusive to your kids? In which case:
    - you used to date K
    - his marriage is ended
    - your relationship is rocky
    - you are having private chats about his? relationship

  14. #50
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    Chile is a signatory to the Hague convention. She can't just disappear there without repercussion ie being mandated to send the children back to Australia. Remember the case of the Italian sisters a few years ago.

    In addition, the stats for women falsely accusing men of DV are very low. I read an article that indicates that men are more likely to make false claims about DV than women. Will post the link if anyone is interested.

    OP I would stay out of and just leave it to the courts.


 

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