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  1. #31
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    Just to add I have no problem with people suggesting the OP might need to take the blinkers off. Just gets out of hand if people start accusing him of being an abuser when there's nothing to go on. Just like there's nothing to say she is depressed or has PND. Both are abstract guesses at best.

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  3. #32
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    I think what I am picking up from this thread is that people are encouraging the OP to try to take a neutral stance on the DV issue instead of assuming that the wife must be lying.

    I understand what you're saying about discussing/judging people who aren't in a position to defend themselves but we don't have names, addresses etc. No-one's privacy has been violated, no-one has been defamed.

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  5. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    I think what I am picking up from this thread is that people are encouraging the OP to try to take a neutral stance on the DV issue instead of assuming that the wife must be lying.

    I understand what you're saying about discussing/judging people who aren't in a position to defend themselves but we don't have names, addresses etc. No-one's privacy has been violated, no-one has been defamed.
    No it's fine it's just VicPark's post made me squirm a little about suggesting what evidence he may have. I found that heading into territory that made me uncomfortable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    No it's fine it's just VicPark's post made me squirm a little about suggesting what evidence he may have. I found that heading into territory that made me uncomfortable.
    To clarify - I think it's totally plausible that K has valid evidence to refute the alleged abuse. Just wanted to highlight to the OP that she needs to take the blinkers off and consider all options - just because someone says they have evidence proving they are innocent doesn't meant they do. They could just have a long straw.

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    Fwiw, my cousin (male) came home one day to find his partners stuff and all the babies stuff packed up and gone. She he also had an AVO against him. She did it because apparently she had been planning to leave and she thought if she put an AVO she would get full custody.
    It was all investigated and some things were found out and my cousin actually ended up with custody over the kids. She was the abusive one. (Emotionally, mentally, etc). She was quite unwell. It got to the point she wasn't feeding the kid or dressing him appropriately etc. he was just a pawn for her, for who knows what.

    If definitely can happen that AVOs are made with bad intention.

  9. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Forget gender - for me it's about sharing intimate details of your life and forming an emotional bond with someone who is potentially banging material. The fact that the OP and K used to date is just icing on the ickiness.
    We dated in highschool when we were 15. We didn't do anything sexual (just kissed) and we've both had several relationships after that. I'm happy with my partner (apart from a few issues, which I didn't mention to said ex/friend) and he (up until now) was happily married.
    We've been friends longer than bf/gf. We dated a year. I've been with my current partner almost 4 years. He's been married 8/7 years. I was also engaged to my ex for years too.
    Believe it or not ex's (especially after
    18 years) can be friends!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    Fwiw, my cousin (male) came home one day to find his partners stuff and all the babies stuff packed up and gone. She he also had an AVO against him. She did it because apparently she had been planning to leave and she thought if she put an AVO she would get full custody.
    It was all investigated and some things were found out and my cousin actually ended up with custody over the kids. She was the abusive one. (Emotionally, mentally, etc). She was quite unwell. It got to the point she wasn't feeding the kid or dressing him appropriately etc. he was just a pawn for her, for who knows what.

    If definitely can happen that AVOs are made with bad intention.
    K's wife is known to be violent/agressuve. Not saying she ever was towards him or the kids but she admitted many times of getting into punch-ons at school and at work.

  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Cut the OP some slack. You have zero evidence this guy is an abuser. It's really unfair to make suggestions like this based on nothing but a hunch.
    Exactly! Thankyou! I know damn well he isn't abusive! But I do know M has admitted to being violent herself (not towards him/the kids mind you).

  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homeschooling4 View Post
    Yeah I understand...
    I'm just saying I've known him since he was 15. Never been violent or agressuve. We dated for a year in year 10.
    I'm not taking sides and I sincerely hope that your friend sorts this out, but as a PP said, sometimes you think you know a person but actually things happen that you have no idea about. I dated a guy in year 10 and we had a casual thing going later when we were 19. He was a complete gentleman with me, wouldn't hurt a fly. About 10 years later a woman contacted me (found me through Facebook) and asked what he was like when I was dating him. I told her that I never had any issues. I was shocked when she informed me that he was really abusive with her and that he ended up being charged and convicted of domestic violence offences. They had a son together and he was only allowed a two hour supervised access visit each week, in the presence of a court official or something. She said that he always spoke highly of me, and that's partially why she decided to contact me.

    Anyway, my point is that things can happen behind closed doors and some people are choosy about who they show their true colours to.

    If your friend is innocent then I wish him all the best in clearing his name. It must be awful to be accused of something you didn't do. I've seen it first hand with my DP and his exW so I know that women can also manipulate the system and cause a huge amount of stress for men. If your friend's wife is making false accusations then what a monumental waste of people's time and resources. That actually makes me really mad. Lawyers have better things to do than spend time fighting false claims.

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  15. #40
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    To go back to your original post, the only thing I thought of that you could do, would be to write a personal reference for your friend K. My brother was put into a similar situation by his ex-wife. My brother asked every friend and family member to give a written statement that was put before the judge. Everything went in my brothers favour. I agree no one knows what happens behind closed doors, but you can still support your friend until you learn more of the situation. marie.

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