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  1. #1
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    Default Where have I gone wrong? or Have I done anything right?

    I have an 8.5 month old and I want to preface everything by saying I think she's the best baby in the world but at the moment, sleeping is a complete disaster.

    She has never really put herself to sleep. I either rock her, put her on the breast or even just hug her and once she's asleep, I put her in her bed. But recently, this has stopped working. After a few nights of her waking within seconds of me putting her into her bed (a bassinet right next to our bed where I can touch her) and screaming until I picked her up, I started just letting her sleep next to me in our bed. We didn't know what else to do, my partner has to get up at 5 for work and needs sleep and neither of us can stand to let her cry because we're worried it's not good for her mental and emotional development.

    Then the last couple of nights, she has started waking lots even when I let her sleep next to me. The only way to calm her is to give her the breast.

    At the same time, she has virtually quit having naps during the day. I would soothe her to sleep (either bf or hug) and then put her in her crib in her room and she used to have 2 decent naps a day for around 1-2 hours each. But now, as soon as I put her down, she's awake and screaming.

    A lot has happened for her recently, she's become a master crawler, started standing, sounds like she's saying words etc. She only has 2 teeth but maybe she's getting more.

    The only other thing I can think of is the introduction of solids. We started trying to introduce solids at 6 months, but she was not very interested. Anytime we tried to feed her, she started screaming and even when hungry all she wanted was milk. In the last couple of weeks, she has started to be more receptive, and especially if instead of making separate meals for her, I just cook a little extra and we share our dinners whilst we're eating with her. But then, going to the toilet has become a monumental event. She screams every time and then cries for a while afterwards. Her poo is soft though, kind of like a lump of soft clay? I don't know if that's normal or not.

    So sometimes when she wakes during the night, it seems to be because she needs to go to the toilet. She cries and strains, but almost never actually goes at night. So that goes on for 5-10 minutes until she calms down and goes back to sleep, only to be repeated like an hour later some nights.

    I'm getting so tired. Today I drove through a red light, put on my jacket backwards and didn't notice until I couldn't get the other arm in and I can't seem to remember anything. But we needed food.

    My poor partner is not much better.

    Please tell me is this normal? Do we just need to harden up and stop complaining? Or are we doing everything wrong?

    I don't know anything about babies. We have no family nearby.

  2. #2
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    Most sleep consultants will say that if you can get their day sleeps happening often their night sleeps will follow. And you need to find a way to get them down without rocking or feeding to sleep. Most employ the shushing/patting technique. Which basically means that you dont get them back out of the cot when they cry, and for a certain period of time you pat their back or shush them (for comfort) over staggered intervals until they learn to self settle. If you Google the No Cry Sleep Solution it's pretty much the technique that the sleep schools use. If you can't get it happening on your own I'd highly recommend hiring a sleep consultant that comes to your home. They can give you reassurance and teach you hands on techniques.

  3. #3
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    You poor thing

    If you want bub to sleep solidy, (assuming medical issues have been ruled out) I think you need to stop aiding bub to sleep. If bubs sleep environment changes (between bedtime and when bub wakes) bub stirs and think wtf... Where is my boob/hug/pat. One of the best ways to ensure bub sleeps through is to keep the sleep environment consistent. Which means not using any sleep aids that can't be easily maintained through the night (or without being a big pain in the **** for the parents).

    Fill bubs belly with solids and milk, ensure bub is warm enough (many parents underestimate the amount of bedding needed), research desired awake times for 8-9 months old, give bub a cloth comforter and use it at every sleep time, ditch the dummy (if there is one), try shush/patting until bub is drowsy but not asleep, don't feed to sleep (have 20 mins active play between the night feed and bedtime).

    Good luck

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    If you think she is having a little bit of mild constipation make up a big batch of purée steamed pear and sultanas. Offer her as much as she likes after each meal for a few days. Her poos will be lovely and soft! 😜

  5. #5
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi ashling, first let me say every baby is different, you have done nothing 'wrong' and you have done no harm. I am sure everything you have mentioned is quite normal for babies that age. If you feel like investigating your library, you will find rows of books about baby wrangling. I suggest you take whatever advice you are offered, and if something agrees with you, give it a try for a few days, maybe 2 weeks. Babies have growth spurts, babies have teething pain, (even if there are no teeth visible) babies have 'wonder weeks' . so many things can be all normal. I suggest you just do what works for you. good luck, marie.

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    I'm really hoping this will get resolved quickly, my daughter is now 3 but I remember some hellish weeks for sleep. The 2 that stand out as the worst for me ended up being resolved by perseverance and making small changes til we worked out something.

    The first time Bub was about 6 or 7 months, sleeping in a cot in our room. It seemed like out of the blue she wouldn't settle in the cot and if she woke up in the cot she cried and screamed. After a week we realised she didn't like the mosquito net that had recently went up over her cot.

    The second time was when she was about 20 months, and had been happy in her cot. Once again wouldn't settle, woke up crying and screaming. Se had been in her own room for about a year. She would happily settle on the air mattress on the floor with me. After a week of trying to settle her in the cot we borrowed a single bed mattress and she settled there fine. She has been on a low single bed since.

    The first story is more relevant to your situation, has there been any changes on your room? Does she stay settled in other sleep environments? If the Drs have ruled out a medical issue, it might take a bit of experimenting. At 8 months baby is likely due to move up to a cot. Another thing is clothes, is baby uncomfy in outfit? And have any blankets changed? My daughter started her preferences with her comfort blanket around that age.

    I'm hoping this is resolved quickly for you, it's horrible when you're exhausted to that stage

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    Also adding that you're doing a great job, and if baby is screaming then picking Bub up is natural and normal. You're doing a great job

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    AdornedWithCats  (26-05-2016)


 

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