That resonated with me. But it's so hard.
That resonated with me. But it's so hard.
I'm usually pretty level headed but this topic is emotive to me. Lots and lots of studies have showed CIO leads to high cortisol levels which can lead to long term issues. It can ruin attachment, and imo it's cruel. And before people get angry, I'm not talking about short bursts of controlled crying with lots of reinforcement and not letting them get really distressed.
It just goes against every instinct I have as a mother and as I said above, I haven't slept for a year straight. I find it very distressing to see it. I had a friend who used CIO and it was torture for me, I can't imagine what the poor child went through.
Clementine Grace (24-05-2016)
I have bad sleepers. By that I mean I have children that we discovered as older kids and adults there are medical reasons why the don't sleep normally. I had no clue when they were babies or small kids. I also just have kids that are bad sleepers and one great sleeper.
There is no way in freaking hell I would or could cc. It's just not in me. It goes against everything I believe in.
It wouldn't, and still doesn't change my mind.
Let me preface this by saying I'm 18 months in with my DS and I consider only 3 wakings to be a good night. We are working on a plan from a sleep consultant which is very gradual, and was going really well until we spent 2 weeks travelling. I often get only 4-6 hours of very broken sleep, and I've come seriously close to a break down (or did break down if you include panic attacks and PND) because I really am one of those people who need sleep, yet I cannot sleep through the day.
CC/CIO would/will not work for my DS. He would just become a hysterical screaming mess, and I wouldn't be any better. My anxiety skyrockets when DS is upset. It just isn't a technique that would benefit us.
This is always going to be a contentious issue. Those who do it feel judged by those who don't because they say their babies need them and so they'll go to them. Those who don't do it feel judged by every person who tells them they're doing it all wrong and creating a rod for their back. Really, each baby is different, and each needs their own approach.
@babyno1onboard I'm trying to quote your post but it keeps bringing up one from an entirely different thread??...
Anyway, personally, for my own babies, I feel as though I would be neglecting or abusing them. I am at my wits end but so conflicted. It's only 9:30pm and she has already woken 4 times. Twice she self settled and twice I've had to go in and comfort her. I have nothing against those who choose to use it.
Dh tried CIO with Dd one night (without asking) when I had to go out. I was so heartbroken that she was left alone and crying so much she vomitted that I almost kicked him out. I was so filled with rage and hate toward him and we didn't speak for days.
I'm a strong believer that there are many different things to investigate/that can help a bub sleep prior to reaching the point CIO/CC.
- Room temp - god bless the thermostat controlled heater!
- Bedding - sufficient layers? all cotton/bamboo?
- Medical concerns?
- Is bub hungry? Have solids been unnecessarily delayed?
- Are naps timed appropriately during the day?
- Is bub aided to sleep at bedtime only to have that aid disappear though the night?
I don't like the thought of a baby crying to sleep if there are things the parents could have done to help (try solids, implement routine) but haven't. Likewise, one can't try CC, and claim it was a dismal failure if they didn't first methodically rule out other contributing factors for bubs sleep issues. That would be a failure in implementation, not necessarily a failure of technique.
If the above things have been actioned/ruled out, and if a parent believes the sleep issues are due to habit - then sure try a bit of guided CIO or CC. Cuddles alone won't break alleged bad habits.
I think a worse option would be to twiddle ones thumbs, maintain the status quo and continue to have a tired upset baby and sleep deprived stressed, possibly PND mumma.
Last edited by VicPark; 24-05-2016 at 20:33.
Babies react differently. When DD was 6-7 months old I used CIO for a couple of months as she would grizzle for 5 minutes and then go to sleep (but wake up every 1-2 hrs 😡 ). If I tried that now she would get hysterical, scream, vomit and certainly not go to sleep! (I know this because I did it out of desperation a couple of weeks ago 😪).
I'm back peddling here on my previous post, I'm not ok with CC / CIO if a baby reacts in a hysterical manner.
Tiny Dancer (25-05-2016)
Interesting read but it has no effect on me and my thought processes about controlled crying. I would never do it. Ever. And I don't have easy children who sleep through the night.
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