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  1. #201
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    Default Controlled Crying study

    The reference to a baby being left to cry whilst people are eating a meal.....

    I know on many threads there has been advice given similar to this that with a difficult baby sometime you just need to let them cry so you can eat or shower, that a mum needs to look after herself first so she can look after baby.

    Who knows people's reasons for doing things? Or how often it happens? The baby could of been like my first and just screamed all day every day for the first four months no matter what I did, maybe they just wanted to sit and eat a civilised hot meal with others for just one night for 30 minutes.....a remark such as "teaching it a lesson" could simply be venting their frustration, not them actually teaching it a lesson

    As I said easy to judge but maybe trying to understand would be more helpful
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 28-05-2016 at 04:55.

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  3. #202
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    Default Controlled Crying study

    @HopefulK
    I also hope your PND improves. I have also had it and is horrific.

    Might I suggest tho that maybe being more open about PND irl maybe a good way to support others ( as that seems really important to you ) . It's keeping mental illness in a shroud that ultimately stops some women seeking help and talking through their issues. From my own experience I found talking to my friends brought me out of some dark days.

    All the best. I bow out also.
    Last edited by amiracle4me; 28-05-2016 at 06:58.

  4. #203
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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    This story makes me want to vomit also.. The lack of maternal instinct to want to be next to your newborn every second is beyond callous.
    As I said before, I'm not offended by anything on BubHub.
    But my thoughts reading this were "Be next to my newborn EVERY second? Are you nuts?!".
    Loved the newborn stage, but certainly not "every second"



    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  6. #204
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    I don't get offended on here. I just get annoyed.

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  8. #205
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    Quote Originally Posted by J37 View Post
    As I said before, I'm not offended by anything on BubHub.
    But my thoughts reading this were "Be next to my newborn EVERY second? Are you nuts?!".
    Loved the newborn stage, but certainly not "every second"



    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app
    It's hard for some people to comprehend that there are different types of personalities. I'm one that needs my space. I certainly couldn't be with my newborn every second. For example, if DH is available to hold baby, I would take an extra long shower or enjoy a longer nap than usual. That doesn't mean I would put baby in a dark room on the other side of the house and ignore their cries. And it doesn't mean I'm a bad mother or someone without maternal instincts. I don't really believe anyone here wants to be attached to their child 24/7.

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  10. #206
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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    @HopefulK
    I also hope your PND improves. I have also had it and is horrific.

    Might I suggest tho that maybe being more open about PND irl maybe a good way to support others ( as that seems really important to you ) . It's keeping mental illness in a shroud that ultimately stops some women seeking help and talking through their issues. From my own experience I found talking to my friends brought me out of some dark days.

    All the best. I bow out also.
    Thanks, me too.

    You're right, people aren't open about PND. I think mostly it's for fear of judgment, thus further perpetuating the stigma. My point is if there was less judgment and extreme/harsh words about parenting choices that parents use to get through the tough times, then maybe people wouldn't be as inclined to keep it to themselves.

    But I digress...

  11. #207
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    The reference to a baby being left to cry whilst people are eating a meal.....

    I know on many threads there has been advice given similar to this that with a difficult baby sometime you just need to let them cry so you can eat or shower, that a mum needs to look after herself first so she can look after baby.

    Who knows people's reasons for doing things? Or how often it happens? The baby could of been like my first and just screamed all day every day for the first four months no matter what I did, maybe they just wanted to sit and eat a civilised hot meal with others for just one night for 30 minutes.....a remark such as "teaching it a lesson" could simply be venting their frustration, not them actually teaching it a lesson

    As I said easy to judge but maybe trying to understand would be more helpful
    You make a really good point. I didn't consider this before. The way the anecdote was written implied in my mind that this was something that was happening all the time. Of course if it's a one-off thing you witness, it's not fair to judge the parent. I've definitely had situations with my kids where I have been at the end of my tether and had to ignore them (not newborn, as far as I can recall), eg on a plane, with lots of judgmental people trying to offer advice to help us make our 2yr old stop crying, but we had already tried everything, plane was taking off and he had been screaming non stop for 10 minutes.. People were getting very upset around us, but there was nothing we could do and we just had to put him in his chair and ignore him for that extra few minutes. I'm sure lots of people around us were thinking "what awful parents"..

    Anyway, thank you for your perspective, it's definitely made me rethink my own judgey thoughts on the situation.

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  13. #208
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    I don't get offended on here. I just get annoyed.
    Same and I also get very frustrated. It was my experience of a 5 day old baby being left to scream whilst mum and dad held a dinner party. It hit 30 minutes and I left feeling physically ill.

    I told this story in response to a PP saying they had never witnessed a parent training or leaving children to cry/scream for selfish reasons. Because let's be honest the advocates of training in here all sound like bloody good parents - they're doing it because they either need to for their own mental health OR they believe it's in their child's best interests.

    BUT my response was to show there ARE people who are selfish, who do not care and who insist their child will fit into their lives.

    The example given led to the end of a 10 year friendship - I was well aware of this person's motivations she was one of my closest friends. There was no PND, there was no breakdown. Dad did as he was told, mum had no intention of adjusting her lifestyle for a baby - hence the dinner party for 10 with a 5 day old baby.

    These people do exist but no one has said they are here debating on this thread.

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  15. #209
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    Default Controlled Crying study

    Quote Originally Posted by j37 View Post
    as i said before, i'm not offended by anything on bubhub.
    But my thoughts reading this were "be next to my newborn every second? Are you nuts?!".
    Loved the newborn stage, but certainly not "every second"



    sent from my sm-n910g using the bub hub mobile app

    eugh..

  16. #210
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    Quote Originally Posted by binnielici View Post
    These people do exist but no one has said they are here debating on this thread.
    They most certainly do. I remember sitting at my friends house listening to her older bub (maybe 12 months old?) scream until they puked. Which was about an hour The child just wasn't tired. My friend would get him up from a late afternoon sleep about 4 and then by 5.30-6 was trying to put him down for the night. I'm usually the type to not say much but this time I tried to gently point out he was hysterical and clearly wasn't going to sleep. Her response was something like "they can stay there, I've had enough for the day". She didn't have PND, she just didn't want to deal with the baby anymore.

    We hardly talk now. There are lots of reasons beyond the way she parented that we've drifted apart, but it certainly was one of the reasons.

    Parents aren't going to admit they let their kids scream until they are sick. Doesn't mean they aren't out there.

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