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  1. #131
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    Transitioning DD to cot atm and using CC.
    Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
    I'm just going with what works each day.
    She's only just 3 months- it took me a year to regulate my sleep...assume it will take time for her also.

    Thankfully she sleeps well at night. Not sure I could do CC then... during the dat I am busy doing stuff so can switch off for a few mins before popping in and starting again. At night it would ruin my sleep as it takes me up to an hour to fall asleep.

  2. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by nh2489 View Post
    One of the things that really annoys me about these threads and the comments made from very anti cc/cio babies is that people are making assumptions about what it is like to do cc/cio and deciding that those methods cause long term damage without having tried them or seen first hand what it involves. Yes I get that if you are against it you don't want to try it but don't then think you are in a position to say that it is cruel and causing damage when you haven't actually seen or experienced that happening. Many people have posted here about their children being very attached, emotional, screaming as soon as left of their own etc and I know what that's like as ds2 is like that. Even at 11 months I spend most of the day with him attached to my hip as he screams as he nears the floor for me to put him down. His cry is piercing, he's always cried like I'm cutting his leg off and I've always thought of him as being a bit of a drama queen. When I tried cc a while ago he didn't respond as he obviously wasn't emotionally ready and while I feel bad that I put him though it I don't feel he has suffered long lasting damage. Now almost 6 months on I have tried again even though I was absolutely terrified of how he would respond thinking it would break him but I was totally broken so felt I had to do it. How did he respond? Did it break him? No. It was like flicking a switch, after a couple of days most sleeps were without any crying and after about a week he was sleeping through the night.
    So my point it whilst many people may believe their child does not have the temperament to handle cc or cio, don't judge and project those assumptions on other babies unless you have tried it or seen the "damage" it can supposedly do. First time around with ds1 I had never come across these negative opinions so had no worries about doing cc which I firmly believe was the best thing I could have done for him, this time I have spent soooo long feeling horrendous guilt and fear due to threads like this.
    Don't do it if it's not for you but please don't make comments that could make others feel bad when they ate purely your opinions of the damage rather than hard evidence. (Yep the op talks about one study looking at evidence it does no harm and people have jumped on that being the "only" study but please someone show me a scientific study that shows the proven harm it can do as I've only ever found hearsay articles. They may be written by medical professionals but they are still only theoretical, as far as I can see there hasn't been any proven links.)
    For me personally, I would prefer not to take the risk that it *may* do harm given that there's no clear cut evidence that it doesn't do harm. (Plus, as I stated, it goes against my instincts, which I don't like). Obviously there is anecdotal evidence from people who believe that CC/CIO did no harm to their child. However, that does not mean that it is not harmful in some/many cases.

  3. #133
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    Stepping into this thread tentatively after making the mistake of reading through many vitriolic hateful comments in regards to this issue on a separate Facebook page, which really upset me. I suffer from PND and I have a 10 week old. I also had it with my DD (now 4) but it wasn't as severe. Both my DS and DD were/are shocking sleepers: they both take ages to settle down, and prone to catnapping and waking frequently through the night. Lack of sleep is a major, major trigger for my PND and makes coping day to day so much harder. I have limited family support in place, my DH is my main support and he works long hours (but when home he's amazing).

    Bub Hub is generally a really supportive community and people are usually respectful so I feel safe here to share my thoughts. But it's still difficult to admit that you let your baby cry / grizzle. There are so many very strong opinions on the topic and medical opinion is divided. Lots of people truly believe it's a form of abuse to let babies cry.

    For me, this study changes nothing as I'm trying my very best to parent through this awful fog of depression, listening to my heart and instincts and of course my baby's cues. I'm also reading up on lots of different research about settling and self settling, and am satisfied that what I'm doing is right: for my baby, my family and me. It allows me time and space to be with my eldest child who has struggled with the transition to a family of four, and has regressed in certain behaviours. It gives my DS space to settle himself when he is extremely prone to overstimulation. It allows me to rest my back and pelvis which are prone to strain. And it's giving me some precious sanity back. Before I would face my day with a sense of dread. Now I know what I'm doing, I know that DS will settle and not be horrendously overtired and screaming once we hit 3pm. And DS is feeding better and his reflux is all but gone. The positive flow ons have been worth a little bit of grizzling in the short term.

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  5. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I get that it didn't work for you. I do get that. But it's worked for me. That's why I hate judgement from others (not targeted at you) saying it's wrong (not just wrong for you personally) and not parenting.

    And to point out yet again cc and CIO are very different things. The study, and what I'm referring to is cc. (Not that I judge others that do CIO).
    Sorry didn't read your post properly so have edited my post 😃

    I am finding it interesting that the people who are so for certain methods start attacking those that sit on the fence. Is it because deep down you aren't comfortable with what you are doing?
    Last edited by flowers21; 26-05-2016 at 13:42.

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  7. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by sajimum View Post
    For me personally, I would prefer not to take the risk that it *may* do harm given that there's no clear cut evidence that it doesn't do harm. (Plus, as I stated, it goes against my instincts, which I don't like). Obviously there is anecdotal evidence from people who believe that CC/CIO did no harm to their child. However, that does not mean that it is not harmful in some/many cases.
    I understand that many people don't feel comfortable with the potential risk and don't want to take it and that absolutely fine. My point is that some people feel the need to project their strong views on others making them question their decisions when they don't have evidence (either scientific or personal) to back up their opinion. There are so many decisions we make as a parent and for most we would not comment or openly judge others for things that we personally feel might be detrimental to the child. For example one person may feel that a child needs strong boundaries and be quite disciplined with their child but they don't usually openly judge those that chose more relaxed approaches saying that they might cause long term issues such as having a wild run away teen that is going to be in trouble with drugs etc etc. They might believe that but whilst there is no evidence to prove it then it's wise to keep those opinions to themselves. Why then do people feel it is their duty to "protect" other children from the "harm" cc or cio might do by being very forceful with their arguments?

  8. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers21 View Post
    I was not judging you or anyone else I couldn't care less what you or anyone else does with their baby you do what works for you and your baby it's not like you are beating it up are you. A bit if crying won't hurt them. So why do you assume from my post that I am being judgemental when all I was saying that different methods work for different babies no two babies are the same after all.
    I am finding it interesting that the people who are so for certain methods start attacking those that sit on the fence. Is it because deep down you aren't comfortable with what you are doing?
    My issue isn't with those that sit on the fence and definitely not with people who have tried it and found it didn't work for them. It's people feeling that it's so wrong when they don't have experience of it to know that in some cases it's not that bad. Not all babies are left screaming for hours in cots, many pick things up very quickly with very little crying involved and if those very anti cc/cio people could see that then maybe they would not be so judgmental of those that chose those methods.

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  10. #137
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    Default Controlled Crying study

    Quote Originally Posted by flowers21 View Post
    Sorry didn't read your post properly so have edited my post 😃

    I am finding it interesting that the people who are so for certain methods start attacking those that sit on the fence. Is it because deep down you aren't comfortable with what you are doing?
    I think we may have got our wires crossed 😊 I took you to be anti cc as you thanked a certain post and then posted babies are not robots. I have no issue with people sitting on the fence or chosing not to do it themselves.

    I'm plenty comfortable with doing cc, my babies are happy and healthy and loving and attached, but what I'm not comfortable with is being judged for doing so and having to justify and defend why I've done it time and time again

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  12. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers21 View Post
    Sorry didn't read your post properly so have edited my post 😃

    I am finding it interesting that the people who are so for certain methods start attacking those that sit on the fence. Is it because deep down you aren't comfortable with what you are doing?
    I think it's possibly got more to do with feeling targeted and judged (and in some cases accused of being lazy or abusing your baby) for admitting taking a more "hands off" approach to settling. The amount of horrible comments towards women who choose to cc or CIO is intense particularly on social media (not saying you have done this, just that it happens a lot).

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  14. #139
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    Also just to throw into the mix. For many of us that do a bit of cc it's about short term pain = long term gain. Before I used this approach my baby would scream for hours due to overtiredness and hunger/pain (while I held him) and for only 20 mins at a time, whereas now he grizzles and cries for a few minutes before going to sleep, but can stay asleep for longer and is so much happier when awake. The crying has decreased drastically overall, even though there are short periods of time when yes, he does cry a bit on his own.

    Also people need to really get their heads around the difference between cc/CIO. And also a grizzle and a full on, rhythmic cry. Huge differences.

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  16. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    Also just to throw into the mix. For many of us that do a bit of cc it's about short term pain = long term gain. Before I used this approach my baby would scream for hours due to overtiredness and hunger/pain (while I held him) and for only 20 mins at a time, whereas now he grizzles and cries for a few minutes before going to sleep, but can stay asleep for longer and is so much happier when awake. The crying has decreased drastically overall, even though there are short periods of time when yes, he does cry a bit on his own.

    Also people need to really get their heads around the difference between cc/CIO. And also a grizzle and a full on, rhythmic cry. Huge differences.
    So true.


 

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