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  1. #111
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    What do those of you who can't bear to let your baby get upset do when you are driving and they start crying? Do you pull over? Not having a go, a genuine question.
    I know on occasion my babies have cried 15 minutes or longer on a car trip and we can't stop.
    As a baby I did. I pulled over and fed him, or if someone else was driving I would sit in the back seat. I could feed him because my boobs were enormous.

    It sometimes could take me 1 hour to drive 20 minutes but it was too distressing and distracting to leave him to scream.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    What do those of you who can't bear to let your baby get upset do when you are driving and they start crying? Do you pull over? Not having a go, a genuine question.
    I know on occasion my babies have cried 15 minutes or longer on a car trip and we can't stop.
    I would stop and comfort baby if they were upset in the car. Give a cuddle/feed/nappy change and try again. If there were two adults in the car one would sit in the back with baby. However, I was lucky that both my kids generally liked the car so we didn't have to do this on a really regular basis. Not sure what I would have done if my babies hated the car and cried every trip.

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    I have just read through this thread with interest after posting an article on this yesterday. To answer the original question, no the article wouldn't change my mind on CC/CIO. It's not something I could do with my kids I don't think. My DD was a pretty poor sleeper until finally getting the hang of it around 2.5 years of age (we now know that she has ASD which probably contributed to her sleep problems). She would go to happy to screaming in a split second with no whinging in between and would be hysterical if I tried CC/CIO with her. DS got the hang of sleeping much earlier than DD (about 14mths) and at least slept through some of the time so we didn't need to consider CC/CIO with him. TBH it just goes completely against my instincts so I didn't consider this method as an option for me or my kids.

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    I thought I was the only one to sit in the back with the baby. Everyone rolled their eyes at me. In front of me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    I always find these threads interesting as so many are so passionate one way or another. I sit entirely on the fence, knowing what works for one baby doesn't always work for another.

    My ds1 would never ever be fed to sleep, held to sleep, rocked/shushed/patted/cuddled. Our mere presence in his room would upset him, and trying to comfort him only made him scream louder and make him more worked up. I tried and persisted every gentle settling technique I could and it always ended with a more upset baby and me in tears. Then one day I left him cry for 5 mins. Just so I could get myself together. And his cries lessened. Then stopped. And he self settled. Am I a mean mother for doing this? I don't think so. It's what he needed - to be left alone to sleep. He still does almost 5 years later.

    My DS2 is proving entirely different. It's early days but we are thankful a quick shush/pat helps him settle/resettle at night. It's easier, calmer, more gentle. If only it had been this easy with ds1.

    2 different techniques, 2 different kids. What works for one certainly doesn't for the other in our case. I don't think anyone should be judging others as they're not walking in their shoes.
    I think a baby self settling is different to leaving a baby to cio. once you've checked they're fed/clean nappy/room temp is ok and you know they are tired, there's not much else you can do. ds lets out those tired grizzles for a couple of mins before conking out. shushing/patting him also works him up more.

    leaving a crying distressed baby to cio is something else altogether.

    I think it's best to let the baby lead. some bubs like to be held/patted/fed to sleep. some prefer to be left to it and do it on their own. I think it's better to follow baby's cues rather than enforce a technique because you read it in a book or get mummy guilt for leaving them to grizzle for a couple of minutes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sajimum View Post
    I would stop and comfort baby if they were upset in the car. Give a cuddle/feed/nappy change and try again. If there were two adults in the car one would sit in the back with baby. However, I was lucky that both my kids generally liked the car so we didn't have to do this on a really regular basis. Not sure what I would have done if my babies hated the car and cried every trip.
    Often it's not safe to stop, especially on the freeway. Unfortunately driving is the only means of transport for some of us and when your Bub hates the car you have no choice but to let them cry so you can get from A to B. I stayed home way more than was healthy with my DS1 for this reason. And when I did pull over, he'd just scream again when I put him back in. Often it's easier on both parties just to get to destination as quick as possible. He grew out of it by about 2. How I didn't end up with PND I don't know. He's a lovely well adjusted kid now.

    DS2 thankfully is 50/50 with the car. He still screams all the way to kindy drop off every morning - unfortunately being child #2 he just has to fit in with his older brother.

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    Default Controlled Crying study

    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    I actually don't give a toss what others do and I'm open to having to do something completely different when DD comes along.

    I do however find it amusing that for some it's so much easier to assume the parent is doing a half-arsed job at CC than accepting that some babies/children aren't receptive to it.

    Is it really that hard to believe given we are all individuals, with our own personalities, preferences and comforts?
    Yup this. Do what works for you but don't assume that all methods work ok all children.

    Now that my child is 3 and more of his personality has come out, im so glad I never did strict sleep training or controlled crying, even though many told me he needed it. For him, it would have been damaging. It's just the child he is, he needs close physical contact and he has a lot of trouble switching his brain off. Yes it's been hellish with no sleep but those early years go so fast, I'll sleep eventually im sure.

    I also find it so stupid for people to assume that you haven't tried everything, consistently (bar CC or CIO) to help your child to sleep. Parents of bad sleepers scour the Internet for strategies to try, get advice from doctors and paed's. For some kids, it just doesn't work. You can't simply all children into one basket.
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 26-05-2016 at 11:28.

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  13. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I agree, but if that method that works IS cc (as opposed to the gentler techniques) why does that make you any less of a parent?

    I think cc and leaving them to cry a bit to teach them to sleep is a better option for some (I can understand it's not for everyone) than having your baby wake and cry for help back to sleep multiple times a night, every night, for weeks and months on end....Why is trying to stop that considered cruel?
    It doesn't at all. Cio worked for my 1st dd where if you went in she used to esculate in crying so it was better to let her cry it out. My daughter now I can't do this as she just goes on and on and on. All I was saying was they are all different and therefore different methods can be required

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    Often it's not safe to stop, especially on the freeway. Unfortunately driving is the only means of transport for some of us and when your Bub hates the car you have no choice but to let them cry so you can get from A to B. I stayed home way more than was healthy with my DS1 for this reason. And when I did pull over, he'd just scream again when I put him back in. Often it's easier on both parties just to get to destination as quick as possible. He grew out of it by about 2. How I didn't end up with PND I don't know. He's a lovely well adjusted kid now.

    DS2 thankfully is 50/50 with the car. He still screams all the way to kindy drop off every morning - unfortunately being child #2 he just has to fit in with his older brother.
    That sounds really really stressful! I think I would have stayed home as much as possible in that situation too. I do realise that it's not always possible to pull over - just saying what we did when our kids were younger.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    What do those of you who can't bear to let your baby get upset do when you are driving and they start crying? Do you pull over? Not having a go, a genuine question.
    I know on occasion my babies have cried 15 minutes or longer on a car trip and we can't stop.
    When by myself I turn the music up and keep going as stopping doesn't really help cause as soon as you get going again it starts again. We live in a remote two and have done a lot of driving including 8 week trips around australia and have tried it all . When there is 2 of us one wil km sit in the back.


 

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