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  1. #101
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    There is a massive difference between making kids and babies comfortable IE temp/full tummies/clean bums and leaving them to cry. The first is called parenting. Most if not all parents ensure that. The second......

    I have very strong opinions on this topic.

    I have not nor ever will leave my children to cry. Especially not at bedtime. I will sit next to my child throwing a tantrum to offer silent support. I will pat/shush/rock/bedshare/comfort them however they wish.

    Crying is the only way babies can communicate. Since I won't walk out on an adult talking to me, I won't walk out on a child. I will not see nor leave an adult crying without offering support, I will certainly not do that to my child.

    Yes I get tired. But I'd rather me be tired than my child doubt my support.

    So. Yes... flame away. I don't care. My kids come first. There is always coffee and eye concealer in my house. My babies will grow up eventually and I doubt on the day I die I will wish I cuddled them less.

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  3. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    We did all of this. I've been strict on day naps for a long time because if he had five minutes more than he needed he wouldn't go to sleep at night. And he had a structured night routine. Just not your preferred structure.

    He was the kind of kid who from newborn did not take to being left in a cot or bassinet on his own. He screamed hysterically in a car seat or pram until he was old enough for me to start reasoning with him. He never went compliantly to others as a baby, even our parents. That's just him and I frankly had no interest in changing him to benefit me. He's a legend and I'm glad I didn't stifle that (CC would've been stifling for him).

    I read an article recently about how boys struggle more than girls as babies because studies have shown their brains are just not as developed as girls. Everything in it described DS to a tee.
    Omg. This describes my DS. Except we still have some difficulty (at 3) with separation etc which includes being on his own to fall asleep at night but I am pretty sure we are going to have some anxiety issues with him so that is a contributer.

  4. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    There is a massive difference between making kids and babies comfortable IE temp/full tummies/clean bums and leaving them to cry. The first is called parenting. Most if not all parents ensure that. The second......

    I have very strong opinions on this topic.

    I have not nor ever will leave my children to cry. Especially not at bedtime. I will sit next to my child throwing a tantrum to offer silent support. I will pat/shush/rock/bedshare/comfort them however they wish.

    Crying is the only way babies can communicate. Since I won't walk out on an adult talking to me, I won't walk out on a child. I will not see nor leave an adult crying without offering support, I will certainly not do that to my child.

    Yes I get tired. But I'd rather me be tired than my child doubt my support.

    So. Yes... flame away. I don't care. My kids come first. There is always coffee and eye concealer in my house. My babies will grow up eventually and I doubt on the day I die I will wish I cuddled them less.
    Insinuating that doing CC isn't parenting is harsh. Many parents that try it would be doing so out of desperation. You may be able to cope with limited sleep, great! But it doesn't make someone less of a parent because they need to try CC.

    As I said earlier in my reply to turquoisecoast, implementing a routine saved my sanity with dd2. I'm almost certain that I had pnd and I was waiting by the door in tears for dh to get home from work, so I could hand dd2 to him.
    I was lucky that a more gentle approach worked, but if my only option was CC and it worked, it sure as heck would have been better for dd2 than the possible alternatives.

    You follow an AP style, I get it. I'm not keen on the idea of CC either. But you really need to be cautious of how you word your opinions, because you have absolutely no idea what the person at the other end of the screen is going through. I'm sure they would be feeling guilty enough without you adding to it.

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  6. #104
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    I always find these threads interesting as so many are so passionate one way or another. I sit entirely on the fence, knowing what works for one baby doesn't always work for another.

    My ds1 would never ever be fed to sleep, held to sleep, rocked/shushed/patted/cuddled. Our mere presence in his room would upset him, and trying to comfort him only made him scream louder and make him more worked up. I tried and persisted every gentle settling technique I could and it always ended with a more upset baby and me in tears. Then one day I left him cry for 5 mins. Just so I could get myself together. And his cries lessened. Then stopped. And he self settled. Am I a mean mother for doing this? I don't think so. It's what he needed - to be left alone to sleep. He still does almost 5 years later.

    My DS2 is proving entirely different. It's early days but we are thankful a quick shush/pat helps him settle/resettle at night. It's easier, calmer, more gentle. If only it had been this easy with ds1.

    2 different techniques, 2 different kids. What works for one certainly doesn't for the other in our case. I don't think anyone should be judging others as they're not walking in their shoes.

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  8. #105
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    I actually don't give a toss what others do and I'm open to having to do something completely different when DD comes along.

    I do however find it amusing that for some it's so much easier to assume the parent is doing a half-arsed job at CC than accepting that some babies/children aren't receptive to it.

    Is it really that hard to believe given we are all individuals, with our own personalities, preferences and comforts?

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  10. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post

    Is it really that hard to believe given we are all individuals, with our own personalities, preferences and comforts?
    This... The best thing I heard after having my second dd was that babies are not robots. This is so true and 1 method definitely doesn't fit all.

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  12. #107
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    Default Controlled Crying study

    Quote Originally Posted by flowers21 View Post
    This... The best thing I heard after having my second dd was that babies are not robots. This is so true and 1 method definitely doesn't fit all.
    I agree, but if that method that works IS cc (as opposed to the gentler techniques) why does that make you any less of a parent?

    I think cc and leaving them to cry a bit to teach them to sleep is a better option for some (I can understand it's not for everyone) than having your baby wake and cry for help back to sleep multiple times a night, every night, for weeks and months on end....Why is trying to stop that considered cruel?
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 26-05-2016 at 09:58.

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  14. #108
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    Leaving them cry a bit, while not my choice, certainly doesn't make you less of a parent in my eyes. I know that some kids, just like adults can get 'touched out' or over stimulated by singing/shhing/cuddling when they are really tired.

    It's letting them cry for extended periods and allowing them to get really upset that bothers me. In this study they were using 15 mins for babies only doing the routine for a few days and half an hour after a week. For me, that is WAY too long and if your bubba is still crying after that period, clearly there is more going on that just being over tired.

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    Default Controlled Crying study

    What do those of you who can't bear to let your baby get upset do when you are driving and they start crying? Do you pull over? Not having a go, a genuine question.
    I know on occasion my babies have cried 15 minutes or longer on a car trip and we can't stop.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    What do those of you who can't bear to let your baby get upset do when you are driving and they start crying? Do you pull over? Not having a go, a genuine question.
    I know on occasion my babies have cried 15 minutes or longer on a car trip and we can't stop.
    I stop. It it is 5-10 mins from home I generally don't. Any longer I stop, take out baby. Calm baby down. Put baby back. I used to sit in the back with DS so he was not alone. If it got really bad we still stopped and cuddled. DD is better.

    Honestly, we are lucky to live in the suburbs. I caught public transport everywhere.

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