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  1. #321
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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    You are very insightful. I've never thought about it from this perspective but you've hit the nail on the head for me.
    Thanks but no I'm just old and have 4 kids and at pretty much every point of their lives I've done something "wrong" so have learned to just ignore the noise in the background. My kids are happy and so is my family generally.

    So I tune out.

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  3. #322
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    You don't think it's an insult to say that women who only want sons have not had healthy female relationships.
    Ok well how come you only want sons? What are you expecting from a son that you don't think you can get from a daughter? Or what is it that daughters do that sons don't that you want to avoid?

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  5. #323
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashling View Post
    Ok well how come you only want sons? What are you expecting from a son that you don't think you can get from a daughter? Or what is it that daughters do that sons don't that you want to avoid?
    Is it so awful to have a preference?

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  7. #324
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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    Is it so awful to have a preference?
    No, it's not awful at all. It all depends on your own personal experiences too. I have all brothers and a few of them. Two live in close proximity, will they do a thing to look after our ageing parents. Nope. It all falls to me. I know about 5 friends in the same boat. Does it worry me in the back of my mind if I end up with all sons, I think it might sometimes. Just my own personal experience but sometimes people can still have a preference to have one of each gender. It doesn't make you a horrible person and certainly doesn't mean you have a mental illness.

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  9. #325
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    As to your first point, it created an imbalance in China for a few years which has caused problems but has had unintended benefits. It's worth reading into the China situation. People often quote the one child policy without understanding it. It's also no longer the policy in China.

    As to the second. I used sex selection at the beginning bit everyone else kept using gender so I gave up. I guess it stems from the term gender disappointment so naturally it becomes gender selection.
    I've been reading up on it since you replied and the issues that China and India have faced do give an insight, but I wonder how valid they are here.

    A few examples:

    The 4:2:1 problem; firstly, we don't have a 1 or 2 child policy, so it's more likely there will be siblings to share the load *if* we choose to care for our parents that way. We have the aged pension and super funds, so there isn't the same financial burden on adult children as in China or India. It's also generally not taboo to put our parents in nursing homes, we don't have the same issue of husband and wife caring for 4 elderly parents.

    Preference of male offspring - although females do still have a long way to go before they're truly equal, the number of people that would use sex selection for a male or abort a healthy female would be nowhere near the amount as in those countries. I'd guess we would be pretty even in terms of what sex people would choose, so it wouldn't have the same implications.
    Also, I read that the mortality rate in female infants is higher in India, compared to males, and this is in part to less medical care provided to females. Once again, I couldn't imagine that happening here.

    I know that I'm the one that raised the possible implications of a sex imbalance, but I suppose I've answered my own question after reading further. It's unlikely to be an issue here. So thanks for pointing me in that direction, Sonja

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  11. #326
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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    Is it so awful to have a preference?
    No it's not awful at all. I had a preference for daughters before we had to do IVF and then I couldn't have cared less. That's because the men in my family seem to have mental illness issues and alcoholism. The women are largely unscathed by these issues (or are betting at coping with them). My brothers are useless and even now my eldest is 53 my parents still have to care for him.

    So I looked at all that and thought hell no I want girls!

    But it would never have advanced from a wish or a desire. I would never have acted on it or done anything to make girls happen for me.

    To be honest I'm wary of messing with nature. Doing IVF is a hard enough head spin for me and it upsets me greatly when people say my kids are going to have problems down the line because they are the product of IVF. So I personally feel going one step further and requesting an embryo be sex selected for me is just going too far.

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  13. #327
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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    Is it so awful to have a preference?
    Nope! We decided to have only one child as DF has two sons from his previous marriage. My preference was for a girl.
    Would I have gone through IVF unnecessarily to have a girl? No.
    If I went through IVF anyway and was asked which embryo to use I probably would have request a female one.
    Would I have loved and cherished a son if I had one? Of course.

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  15. #328
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    To be honest I'm wary of messing with nature. Doing IVF is a hard enough head spin for me and it upsets me greatly when people say my kids are going to have problems down the line because they are the product of IVF. So I personally feel going one step further and requesting an embryo be sex selected for me is just going too far.
    100% with you on the IVF baby BS. I truly hope no one says anything to my son when he is older along these lines.

    Honest question, if you take sperm sorting out of the equation, and had the choice from already fertilised embryo's (a la Chrissy Teigen), does it bother you as much?

  16. #329
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    Quote Originally Posted by lileitak View Post
    100% with you on the IVF baby BS. I truly hope no one says anything to my son when he is older along these lines.

    Honest question, if you take sperm sorting out of the equation, and had the choice from already fertilised embryo's (a la Chrissy Teigen), does it bother you as much?
    Yes I still wouldn't do it. For me I need to run a lottery with what I have and that's not doing embryo selection. Obviously it's a tough line as sometimes there's a need.

  17. #330
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashling View Post
    Ok well how come you only want sons? What are you expecting from a son that you don't think you can get from a daughter? Or what is it that daughters do that sons don't that you want to avoid?
    I never said I only wanted sons. I said I want a son.
    I have always pictured a boy then a girl.

    Now that I have a girl, I really want a boy. Doesn't make me love the girl less, or mean my female relationships are messed up.


 

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