To most of us, we don't understand this but we're trying. A couple of people on this thread who suffer from GD have very eloquently put forward the case that this is a real disorder, not just a preference. I didn't believe it was until I read this thread.
Up until you arrived and decided to get offended by people taking on board the lived experiences of others on this thread, I felt everyone was learning from each other.
And to be clear, I know plenty of people who suffer from mental illness. They are incredibly strong people who I greatly admire.
Yep I stand by my comment and still maintain that to be that disturbed by GD that you would pay thousands to select a gender for fear of not loving the baby if it was the wrong sex, or for fear of the possible depression that might ensue if the baby is not what you wanted, then I do struggle with how that isn't a psychological issue.
Not every psychological issue is the end of the world though. I get that for many on here they just want to experience parenting both genders. But a few have admitted they didn't know how they would have felt if the baby had been the "wrong" gender.
This is an interesting topic for me. I grew up in a family of European descent where boys were highly prized over girls. My sister and I were well aware from an early age the lengths our parents went to for our younger brother. They saw a specialist, had my dad's sperm tested to make sure he produced y sperm and then timed intercourse with ovulation. They were successful.
When I got pregnant, everyone hoped it was a boy, except for my partner. He was hoping for a girl. He'd come from the opposite situation; he was actually convinced that the fact he wasn't a girl (and neither was his brother) had played a role in his parents divorce because they had always talked about how much they wanted a daughter. He also felt he wanted a girl first because he thought females were more responsible and might set a better example for a younger sibling (I certainly wasn't lol).
Now I have a daughter. I think I'm the luckiest person in the world to be her mother. In my mothers group, there are only a few girls, it's mostly baby boys. The mothers of boys are all so happy they have boys, and some of the girl mothers say they wanted boys and will be trying again asap for a boy. I don't get it. I never have. What is it that girls don't do that boys do that is so desirable? The only people I meet who seem to want girls are those who already have 3+ boys, and even then, many of those say they're so happy they've only had boys.
So I could never understand only wanting one gender. If you're a woman and you only want sons, I pity you, because obviously you have missed out on healthy female relationships in your life. If you're a man, I also pity you because on Vikings (yes I know it's a tv show but this was a beautiful speech), upon losing his only daughter, the father remarks something along the lines of, 'they say you should love your sons more, but a man can be jealous of his sons. You were the light of my life.' And if you see good fathers with their daughters you know it to be true.
Having said all this, I now want a boy for my next pregnancy. I would be very happy with a girl. But if I had a choice, I would choose a boy. Not because of anything I want or expect from this boy, but because of the relationship I have with my brother. It can be hard for a girl to have male friends in life. I have always struggled, it always seems to become complicated and I can't count how many friendships (at least I thought we were friends) I have lost because the guy told me how he really felt and things were never the same. Now my only male friends are the partners of my girlfriends. Also, my partner is an amazing father and man in general and I know he would be a good father to any son. He is an amazing father to his daughter, but he's also not the kind of man who would be jealous of a son, or who isn't comfortable with showing emotion or physical affection etc. He would support him if he was gay, trans, whatever and I think men need supportive fathers and too often don't have them.
But when I asked my partner if he wanted to try for a boy, his response was, 'people want a certain gender because they attach expectations to that gender. I don't, I just want a happy healthy kid.'
So I probably wouldn't exist if the technology was accessible here. That said, my mum has been a good mother to my brother. She just wanted a son because according to her culture, much of her value was tied to being able to bear a son. We're very close now, and when I was pregnant and she said she hoped it was a boy, I said I hope it's a girl because then maybe one day I could have with her what I have with you. I think for the first time she understood something then, because she does also really love her daughters. And now that we're all adults, she is spends more time with us than she does with my brother.
Until you've walked a mile in those shoes I don't think you could ever really understand.
One may think "first-world problem", but historically it's not, is it.
Henry VIII beheaded his wives for giving birth to the "wrong" gender.
Baby girls have been killed outright in China as a result of their one-child policy.
The technology may be available in other countries for the purposes of gender selection, but as Australians, surely we should safe-guard our ethical standards.
Clearly it is those standards which are in dispute.
After reading this thread, and having time to reflect, I can say now that I would advocate against any legislation which made pre-implantation gender selection for non-medical reasons, available. It seems so vile. I realise this may offend, but it is how I feel.
I would advocate spending money on support services for parents experiencing gender-disappointment, and appropriate counselling made available.
This thread's title is a question, hence invites opinion. This is my opinion.
Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!