Beautifully said. TFMR is a parenting decision based on love and in the best interests of a much wanted child and not a selfish decision to get the gender you desire.Just saw this. I realise you don't want to open up a can of worms but as someone who had a TFMR at 22 weeks I feel I need to respond.
TFMR is not just an abortion. For a start, most parents at least want an amnio to properly confirm the diagnosis, which makes you at least 15 weeks, which means you're going to have to attend a labour ward at a hospital, get induced like a live birth, go through labour, then deliver your child. If you're really unlucky (like I was), nothing will show up until the 19 week scan. My boy was born alive and died in my arms three hours later. This is a million miles away from an abortion for gender reasons.
One thing no one understands until they've been through it is that TFMR is a parenting decision. Many people who have done this are people who previously said they never would. That's largely because, once you start going down that long, dark rabbit hole it becomes clear that for many of these conditions, you are going to have to make the decision at some stage. For conditions that are not compatible with life you first have to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy. If you do, you will then be asked whether you want medical intervention to keep them alive after birth. If you say yes, you will need to keep making that decision over and over again until one day you make the decision to withdraw treatment and let your child die. So in the end, you've had to be the one to call it anyway.
I made that choice at 22 weeks because my boy was likely going to die no matter what I did. I researched everything I could and made the decision at that stage because in two weeks time he would start to form the ability to feel pain and I wanted to spare him that.
So yes, comparing someone undergoing TFMR to someone aborting a healthy baby due to their gender is upsetting. Very few people who have ever been in the situation where they had to 'choose' ever judge each other for making the opposite choice.