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  1. #11
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    My family is out of balance on many views. I have 3 daughters and 1 son. True balance would be 2 of each.

    But others would look at me and say I'm lucky I have one son and 4 girls would be truly out of balance.

    So if you have 2 of one sex and want a 3rd is it ok to say I want the other sex so therefore should be able to choose? Isn't that being out of balance because the single sex child will effectively be the only one?

    My son sometimes says he hates being the only boy, but at the same time he has this fantastic life surrounded by strong girls and also can an incredibly close bond with my DH as they are the sole males.

    The difficulty with saying families are out of balance is by whose definition?

    I can't see how they could restrict its use that way. It's too hard. So yes you could theoretically design your own family.

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  3. #12
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    I am uncomfortable with the idea. However, these are the arguments that I have that support it:
    1) if a couple requires IVF to get pregnant they don't get to do all the natural things to sway towards a particular gender. That's really common in society...sure it's not an exact science but there's diets and timings etc that people use because they want a particular sex so badly...couples who need IVF don't get that 'luxury.'
    2) If a couple has say 8 embryos frozen, but they are only after one more child, and will destroy the remaining embryos after they have had that baby...does it matter if the desired sex embryos are used first?
    3) Also, another argument is that that child will have its gender pre-determined by the parents...but the same can be said about that in any situation...if parents want a girl, or they want a boy, they probably have pre-disposed ideas as to what their daughter or son will be like...it doesn't mean they don't accept them for who they are if they are different. The limited studies that have been done suggest there is no issues with gender preference.
    4) Also, by having it being illegal, we're not stopping it. From memory Australia is the country that has the most people going overseas for sex selection with IVF. So really, for those that desperately want it, they are getting it anyway.
    Like I said...it makes me uncomfortable, but these are the arguments 'for' it that I could find.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    This is the other aspect of it that I haven't quite got my thoughts around yet so I'm not quite sure how to phrase it... But it's another scenario which seems to benefit the 'haves' who are privileged to afford what I view to be a luxury (I'm not calling IVF a luxury by any means, please don't get me wrong, but IVF solely for non-medical gender selection would come under that classification in my books).

    But then you could apply that argument to fast internet, gourmet food, travel etc. I'm so confused.
    I know what you mean. I feel it's "just because we can doesn't mean we should". The ethical issues far outweigh the benefits for society in my opinion, but I'd love to hear other views.

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    I'm not quite decided on the topic but leaning towards not being in favour of it. Someone could probably convince me otherwise though.

    What happens if a mistake is made? Someone pays for a boy and gets a girl. How would that girl feel when she finds out? Ahh but that doesn't really seem like a great argument anyway as lots of pregnancies are unplanned, etc., I guess there isn't much difference. It just doesn't quite sit right with me but maybe that doesn't mean it's not ok for others.

    It's a tough one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    1) if a couple requires IVF to get pregnant they don't get to do all the natural things to sway towards a particular gender. That's really common in society...sure it's not an exact science but there's diets and timings etc that people use because they want a particular sex so badly...couples who need IVF don't get that 'luxury.'
    Are these methods proven or just a bunch of theories and old wives tales? (Genuine question).

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    I am completely for it. Gender disappointment is a very real but misunderstood thing, and for the sake of making some parents ecstatically happy/content/resolved/complete I think it should be legal. It isn't like making a designer baby and picking eye colour etc, the desire to parent a particular gender isn't as shallow as that and it's insulting to suggest that it is. It wouldn't affect the natural gender balance because there wouldn't be many couples using ivf specifically for gender selection as it's extreme and expensive. However it would provide an option to families who were desperate to add a girl or boy to their family. If I hadn't have been fortunate to have both genders I am not ashamed to say I would have seriously looked into going to the US to do gender selective ivf. The reality is, there are women in Australia who are rolling the dice - they get pregnant, then have the 10 week harmony/panorama blood test and if it's not their desired gender they are aborting the baby. This is TERRIBLE but it is happening. Isn't this far far worse than letting them access technology that we have available to us, that other countries are using without issue? When ivf was in its infancy I'm sure there would have been many people that would have considered same-sex couples accessing the technology as immoral and unnatural. Now we just see it as a basic human right to be able to have a child regardless of your families circumstances - same sex, single, whatever it doesn't matter. Why isn't it OK to want to have a girl for example if you've got one, two, three or more boys? I think it's just one of those things that people initially find a bit unsettling because it's like you are preferring one gender over another, but it's really not like that. It's about wanting the opportunity to parent both genders. I know Peter Illingworth (leading IVF specialist) is for it, he believes its benefits would outweigh any negatives. And I agree with him wholeheartedly!

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    I *think* I agree with choosing sex based on medical or family balancing (whatever that means). I had 2 girls and really wanted boys. Not that I dont want my girls, I love them more than anything, but did experience gender dissapointment. I went through IVF for my second child - only got 2 embryos. One was put back the other frozen. I was fortunate to have a successful pregnancy and had dd2. That left the very real and daunting prospect of what to do with the frozen embryo. That is a very real dilemna for anyone. I didnt really want 3 children, but the thought of destroying, donating (to another couple or science) just did not sit well with me. We went again and got our ds1. I guess what I am trying to say is the IVF road for whatever purpose is not easy (physically, emotionally or financially). If it means a child will have a better life bc their parents wanted a particular sex - I think I am ok with that. If the embryologist put ds1 instead of dd2 back (I would have had a dd1 and a ds1 - pidgeon pair) would I have gone back for the frozen embryo knowing I didnt want 3 kids? I dont know...! Its a very personal and difficult thing to cast judgement about until you have lived it I guess. Looking forward to hearing more of what others think.

  10. #18
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    @GingerKat thanks for taking the time to reply.

    I honestly don't particularly trust what IVF experts in this country prefer as they are losing money by people going overseas. But I'm pretty cynical about the whole industry after having been a part of it for over 5 years.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Are these methods proven or just a bunch of theories and old wives tales? (Genuine question).
    I haven't looked in to it deeply...but the Shettles method has been around since the 60's and claims to have a 70%-85% success rate. I haven't done further research to see if this is true, though...and of course nothing is 100% like IVF...

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    @GingerKat thanks for taking the time to reply.

    I honestly don't particularly trust what IVF experts in this country prefer as they are losing money by people going overseas. But I'm pretty cynical about the whole industry after having been a part of it for over 5 years.
    Well yes that could be one way to look at it. Either way, they are doing it in other countries without issue. There are far more legal and emotional issues with surrogacy etc than with parents that are choosing the sex of their baby.


 

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