I don't consider my situation to really be one of extreme gender disappointment.
Someone touched on it before and I think calling it 'disappointment' does not make it easier to understand. It is grief. Just like if you want another baby or any baby and you cannot have one at all due to medical/financial issues. Except in this case it is not 'a' baby it is a boy or a girl baby.
Maybe this is just because early in life we may have an idea of what life will be like in x amount of years. And in that idea/dream we may see a boy or a girl etc etc. It is an idea you grew up with for years. It is precious to you. And if it can't happen or does not happen you mourn the loss. And there will always feel like something is missing.
I am not trying to force you to change your mind here. It is always hard to understand unless you go through it. I thought maybe it might help you see why someone makes that choice - whether it be right or wrong I cannot say because I do not know.
With my armchair psychologists hat on I'd hazard a guess in its severe forms it's a form of depression. It's one thing to desire a boy or girl baby but to actively spend thousands of $$ making it happen or fear you won't cope with the outcome to me that is a type of psychological problem. Or to have an abortion because the baby is the wrong sex. Or to not truly feel you could care for a baby of a certain sex.
But to me all of those feelings are completely irrational. I truly don't get it.
I was looking on some of the US IVF sites and it's clear couples going down this path have counselling so hopefully that helps.
My reason for having the test, and having it so early, was purely so that I could have as long as possible to deal with the results, whatever they may be. I wouldn't have terminated based on sex, I find that idea absolutely abhorrent (for non medical reasons). But if it was a girl I just wanted to have as long as possible to get used to the idea and maybe even to seek counselling about it, before bub was born. I'd hate for my hang ups and issues about gender to negatively affect my child, so wanted to have time to process it and develop a positive mindset about it.
I totally agree with you @Sonja and @VicPark also made that point (I forgot to address that in my last post too).
I think counselling is required. I think if Australia decides to allow this it should be with counselling first.
My guess is that with the proper help people can understand that feeling/desire, accept it and move on.
I also do wonder if this is driven by 1 person in the relationship or 2. Surely if you decided to terminate a pregnancy due to gender then if only 1 person in the relationship had severe gender disappointment how would something like a termination affect the other person who does not have this?
We've ticked the box to find out gender, just because we want to know. We don't care which gender it is.
As for people being able to select gender, I think as long as it's not paid for by Medicare, then why not.
As an aside I recall my mother telling me years ago when she worked as a midwife in north Qld some of the hospitals / obstetricians wouldn't allow women of certain cultural backgrounds to have testing to find out the gender as when it first became available if the sex wasn't what they wanted the mother would sometimes return a week later having falling down the stairs and would miscarry.
It sounds awfully racist now but it was the knee jerk reaction when gender testing became possible, so this isn't a new issue.
I think it's only if you're using donor gametes that counselling is required. And maybe genetic counselling if you need PGS or PGD.
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