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  1. #161
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    As expected, I started off being on the fence leaning towards against it and have now changed my mind. I had a chat to the lady doing my nails this morning and she changed my mind. Nothing like a face to face chat with someone suffering gender disappointment to do the trick!

  2. #162
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    I'm going to add my two bobs worth in keeping in mind I did ivf to get my girls and I am also a gentic carrier that would allow me to gender select if I had chosen to do so. My point of view is coming from an environmental perspective if everyone was able to gender select there would become a big imbalance in the number of the different sexs for example China and there one child policy that has resulted in way too many boys and not enough girls which has contributed to the decline in population growth and other issues. Nature has made it even in the number of the different sexs for a reason so i believe it to be a slippery slope for the human race if it becomes easy to be able to chose the sex of your child. I know gender disappointed is real however I'm pretty sure everyone who chose to have a child does so because they want one even if they are disappointed with the sex

  3. #163
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    @Blossom74, for your own sanity, try not to even compare your situation with those who wish to use gender selective IVF or are experiencing gender disappointment. While it is so clear why you would, the two aren't comparable situations. As I said earlier, if you had a person with chronic fatigue syndrome who was sad about how sick they were and then a person with terminal cancer came along and yelled "you should just be grateful you're not dying, stop complaining!" it doesn't really help anyone, even though the cancer patient has a point. It doesn't change the fact the person with CF feels awful, but it just makes them feel guilty. We all have our own paths to travel, but I truly believe that if you have a strong, persistent desire that you don't acknowledge and talk about and deal with then it is very psychologically damaging. Women that experience GD need support. Many turn to online forums because people IRL are usually disgusted or bemused by GD. If a simple step in the ivf process can give couples their desired gender and give them a sense of wholeness then I'm all for it. I'm sorry for your struggles though, I wish you all the best xx

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  5. #164
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    As expected, I started off being on the fence leaning towards against it and have now changed my mind. I had a chat to the lady doing my nails this morning and she changed my mind. Nothing like a face to face chat with someone suffering gender disappointment to do the trick!
    Do you mind sharing what her story was like?

  6. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Please tell me people don't really do that ...
    The test cost about $600 I think it is. It is really only suppose to be used to detect abnormalities in chromosomes 21, 18, 13 and the X & Y chromosomes. It is from 10 weeks but your scans if you have them through your OB would have to put you in the high risk category first to even be able to do the test as its sent to the US for analysis then results returned back here to your doctor but there are clinics that will do the testing upfront even without an OB. It is sad but true people would do this just to have a particular sex child. I know of someone who has just had their 4th child it was a girl she already has 3 boys and she clearly stated to us all if it was another boy she would of terminated. Then there is myself who has struggled with infertility my entire life (so has my sister) and we are thankful for the couple of children we do have between us

  7. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I didn't mind the 'boy or girl' question. I minded when I was pregnant with DS and was asked 'you must be so disappointed that its not a girl that you can dress up' - when in fact I wanted a boy. When pregnant with DD this changed to 'you must be so happy to finally have a girl to dress up' when at the time I was having difficulty dealing with my pregnancy and dealing with the fact I was having a girl (I wanted boys and I can't explain why but it was hard for me to find out DD was a girl).
    Yes, those comments would p!ss me off no end. But do people find they are generally coming from older folk? I have a boy and a girl, and sweet little old ladies would say "Aren't you clever, a pidgeon pair!". I did feel like saying "Mavis, Betty, Audrey, etc, my gametes only carry X chromosomes, so I had nothing to do with it."...but I would never be that rude. Plus, I like little old ladies as a general rule.

    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  9. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ngaiz View Post
    Is there anyone on here who experienced severe gender dissapointment and continues to do so years later? How has it affected they way you bonded or interact with your child? Or, did you get over it eventually?

    I desperately wanted a boy and got a girl. I didnt find out the gender because I just knew that once I had a healthy baby in my arms I would love it so fiercely that gender wouldn't matter. With my newborn, I cried most days before the 20wk scan at the possibility of never having a boy. I had already decided I wasn't going back to do IVF and although I considered going overseas for GS, I never would have. Had the option been available here, I quite possibly would have looked further into it. I feel so guilty for ever feeling that way. I love Dd but I never imagined myself as a parent, let alone a parent of a girl.

    I wanted a girl, both times.
    Even after losing my first pregnancy,
    I found out at the 20 week scan,
    I was sad for a while that I wasnt having my 'daughter (although I KNEW it was a 50/50 chance), I still long for a daughter, not once would I trademy boys or wish they were different but I wish I had a daughter also,

    that pang of sadness doesnt go away

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  11. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I find it really hard to explain. Or even justify a little as it sounds ridiculous written down but seems real to me.

    I will add that I adore DD and would not change her or wish she were different.

    Raising a girl just scares/d me. Partly because it was so hard for me (not necessarily my relationship with my family but more relationship with others). Also I have PCOS. It sucks so badly. Seems like my mum had it too so I was hoping to not have to pass it on to a daughter.

    DS is currently not completely a boyish boy. He loves cars/trucks/machinery and spiderman but today he is wearing makeup, has made me buy him pink flowery shoes, plays with dolls, loves shopping, talks about Frozen (as his girl friends at childcare are obsessed).

    So for me it is not necessarily the fact that I want a rough and tumble boyish boy its probably just my life experience growing up has influenced me.
    @twinklify, that doesn't sound at all ridiculous. I think you explained a complex and deeply personal thing very well!!

    Same gender + birth order are recognised influences on the parent-child relationship. They can result in unresolved counter-transference from the parent's own relationship with their parent.

  12. #169
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    The test cost about $600 I think it is. It is really only suppose to be used to detect abnormalities in chromosomes 21, 18, 13 and the X & Y chromosomes. It is from 10 weeks but your scans if you have them through your OB would have to put you in the high risk category first to even be able to do the test as its sent to the US for analysis then results returned back here to your doctor but there are clinics that will do the testing upfront even without an OB. It is sad but true people would do this just to have a particular sex child. I know of someone who has just had their 4th child it was a girl she already has 3 boys and she clearly stated to us all if it was another boy she would of terminated. Then there is myself who has struggled with infertility my entire life (so has my sister) and we are thankful for the couple of children we do have between us
    This isn't entirely correct in my experience. I requested the test and was provided access to it. No invasive questions and no overt concerns which would have indicated it was necessary. I wanted it, its my out of pocket - $600ish maybe less) my OB was happy to write the pathology request. My test was obviosuly to check for trisomies but I also requested I be advised of the sex, so either way I could prepare. Test at 10weeks, shipped to the US and I got results in 7 days from recall.
    Last edited by KitiK; 22-05-2016 at 15:31.

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  14. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    @Blossom74, for your own sanity, try not to even compare your situation with those who wish to use gender selective IVF or are experiencing gender disappointment. While it is so clear why you would, the two aren't comparable situations. As I said earlier, if you had a person with chronic fatigue syndrome who was sad about how sick they were and then a person with terminal cancer came along and yelled "you should just be grateful you're not dying, stop complaining!" it doesn't really help anyone, even though the cancer patient has a point. It doesn't change the fact the person with CF feels awful, but it just makes them feel guilty. We all have our own paths to travel, but I truly believe that if you have a strong, persistent desire that you don't acknowledge and talk about and deal with then it is very psychologically damaging. Women that experience GD need support. Many turn to online forums because people IRL are usually disgusted or bemused by GD. If a simple step in the ivf process can give couples their desired gender and give them a sense of wholeness then I'm all for it. I'm sorry for your struggles though, I wish you all the best xx
    I see where you are going with the example. However I don't think Gender disappointment is in the same league as chronic fatigue and hence I feel less empathetic towards those parents. Maybe I need to do some more reading into gender disappointment - at the moment I have some preconceived notions about it being a label slapped on a conglomerate of other issues rather than a stand alone medical condition.


 

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