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  1. #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdornedWithCats View Post

    The two biggest questions I got when pregnant were "do you know what your having" and "which hospital are you going to". Both which annoyed me a lot.
    Really? Personally I think there are better things to be cranky about, but if that's how you feel, you're allowed to be cranky.

    I am a very curious person, but mostly I am interested in other people's lives. I love to hear how people are feeling, how people are "living" their lives, what influences their decision-making. I love hearing people's "stories". Probably why I became a doctor...I like chatting to people!

    So I would definitely ask the questions above. Not that I have a bias towards girls or boys, private or public hospitals. I have my own preference about the latter, but that's mine, not others.

    People will always ask questions of a pregnant lady, or a lady with a young bub. Pregnancy and parenting is a very common experience, after all. I think in pregnancy and motherhood we can be a bit too "precious" about it all, and forget that billions have done it before us.

    Would you rather no-one gave a crap, and asked you nothing?





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  3. #142
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    That's a good point @Stretched.

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  5. #143
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    @J37 just a bit of background: I had a homebirth so asking "which hospital I was going to" was both an assumption and a very personal question when you don't want other people's opinions of homebirth so would rather not discuss it.

    As a mother I'm very protective of my son. I don't view it as being precious. I don't want him to be inhibited by sterotypes like a lot of men in my family are...and having their masculinity questioned if they don't fit the standard.

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  7. #144
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    I too have the same questions @Stretched but when it comes to terminations for medical reasons my personal opinion is until I'm in that position I'm not going to judge and even then I wouldn't. Not saying you judged but I think it's just so hard.

    I have a good friend with a child with additional needs that could never have been predicted by testing. When she was pregnant wth later babies she said she wouldn't hesitate to terminate if something was wrong. For her while she loves her daughter immensely the cost to her family and her personally is so huge she couldn't go through it again.

    Anyway for another thread I suppose.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    People ask these questions as they are showing an interest in your pregnancy and it's the first things that pop into their head. I don't think it has anything to do with gender inequality.
    I didn't mind the 'boy or girl' question. I minded when I was pregnant with DS and was asked 'you must be so disappointed that its not a girl that you can dress up' - when in fact I wanted a boy. When pregnant with DD this changed to 'you must be so happy to finally have a girl to dress up' when at the time I was having difficulty dealing with my pregnancy and dealing with the fact I was having a girl (I wanted boys and I can't explain why but it was hard for me to find out DD was a girl).

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  11. #146
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I didn't mind the 'boy or girl' question. I minded when I was pregnant with DS and was asked 'you must be so disappointed that its not a girl that you can dress up' - when in fact I wanted a boy. When pregnant with DD this changed to 'you must be so happy to finally have a girl to dress up' when at the time I was having difficulty dealing with my pregnancy and dealing with the fact I was having a girl (I wanted boys and I can't explain why but it was hard for me to find out DD was a girl).
    Dad's want boys and Mum's want girls, right?

    It would be funny if it wasn't so sad (imo).

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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I didn't mind the 'boy or girl' question. I minded when I was pregnant with DS and was asked 'you must be so disappointed that its not a girl that you can dress up' - when in fact I wanted a boy. When pregnant with DD this changed to 'you must be so happy to finally have a girl to dress up' when at the time I was having difficulty dealing with my pregnancy and dealing with the fact I was having a girl (I wanted boys and I can't explain why but it was hard for me to find out DD was a girl).
    I can soooo identify with this! I always dreamed of having 2 boys, and I'm extremely lucky that I got my wish. But I've had the comments about how I must be dissapointed that I'm having my 2nd boy. When I actually couldn't be happier! I won't have a 3rd child as I'm afraid of how I'll cope if it's a girl...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    I won't have a 3rd child as I'm afraid of how I'll cope if it's a girl...
    Can I ask why? I find it really hard understanding why the thought of parenting one gender or another is so difficult for some.

    DH's mother never wanted girls because her relationship with her own mother was so awful. I personally think she should have sorted that out rather than pray she never had a girl of her own for fear she screwed her up as her mother did her.

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    its odd isnt it?

    My sisters had kids much earlier than me - and both had boys who I helped look after substantially.

    I felt comfortable with the idea of a boy because I felt like I knew what to do with boys. I knew what they liked and how they played, what kinds of issues they would have etc.

    with girls I had no clue.

    BUT I was thrilled to be having a girl because deep down I really wanted a girl, and I had a fair idea this might be the only one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Can I ask why? I find it really hard understanding why the thought of parenting one gender or another is so difficult for some.

    DH's mother never wanted girls because her relationship with her own mother was so awful. I personally think she should have sorted that out rather than pray she never had a girl of her own for fear she screwed her up as her mother did her.
    It's a mixture of things I think. I had terrible female familial relationships growing up. That's all been resolved now, I get along great with my mum and sister now. I also really struggled with dissapointment in my own gender growing up, right up until I was in my 20's. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin, I loathed being female, I spent many years wishing I had been born male. Never enough to want to change genders, more just a general feeling of being uncomfortable with being stereotypically female. That's also been resolved now, and I'm comfortable in my body & gender. But I just fear that because I felt a rejection of my own gender until my 20's that I'd be totally lost as a mother to girls. I feel like I'd be terrible at it, uncomfortable with it, and 'ruin' my daughter because of that. I just feel like I'm naturally a much better mother to boys, and so obviously would prefer to have boys. I feel like parenting a girl would not come naturally to me at all and I'd really struggle with it.

    Having said that, I love my nieces, I have great relationships with other females in my life, so I may very well be just fine at it... but for many reasons (age, finances, etc) we've decided not to have a third child, but yes, the chances of having a girl was a factor in that for me too.

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