My perspective is not really the disappointment of the parent not have a "girly girly" for example, but the impact on the child having to fit an arbitrary standard the parent has set. It isn't nice being valued only because of your gender.
One is shining a negative light on your baby before they have formed. One is shining a negative light on your child after they have become who they want to be.
There are similarities. In both cases the parents are putting the focus on themselves and their needs, not the child. Both have the potential to damage the child and the parent/child relationship.
Eta. I guess my opinion is that gender should be a non-issue. And I'm not sure how that affects gender selection. But I don't want our society to get to a point like in China where they have 17 million men who will never find at partner because the gender ratio is skewed so much by past policies (which I believe they have recently relaxed as it's becoming a problem).
Last edited by AdornedWithCats; 22-05-2016 at 09:15.
The two biggest questions I got when pregnant were "do you know what your having" and "which hospital are you going to". Both which annoyed me a lot.
Anyway, we'll have to agree to disagree that it's where gender inequality starts.
My second pregnancy was a high risk pregnancy and I didn't care one jot what she was just that she came at full term and had 10 fingers and 10 toes. My first question to the ob when she was born was actually "is it ok?" My obstetrician said "she's perfect" and I knew then she was a girl. It dawned on me later I didn't even ask.
I know it's just our experience but we find ds is sterotyped all the time...it's been constant since he was born. So I don't see it as separate from those original questions of "what are you having".
It is just my opinion, and I always feel in the minority with this, but I feel that all those tests are the beginning of the slippery slope. Soon more and more 'problems' will become a medical reason to terminate that can be tested for. We're potentially going to be stripping out all our gene diversity.
Sorry, I know my view upsets people who have chosen to medically terminate for trisomies etc.
I know that it feels like a bit of a tangent, but many would argue that certain medical conditions create a great financial and emotional strain on families and financial burden on society. Yet in some cultures girl children are seen as a burden, requiring large dowries to be married off etc.
I struggled reading gender disappointment thread titles while TTC my 2nd with 2 miscarriages along the way. But I am not them, I don't know their journey and what got them to that point. I'm sure many who were struggling to conceive their first thought I should stop sooking and just be happy that I have a child.
I do like the idea of compulsory counseling to work through the reasons for sex selection. I just don't know who decides what is an appropriate reason.
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