Moral quandary | Page 2 | Bub Hub
+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 21
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,394
    Thanks
    9,285
    Thanked
    12,403
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default Moral quandary

    Quote Originally Posted by MamaBear87 View Post
    . But DH and I have been thinking that this might be a prime opportunity to expand our little family.
    Are there other positives besides your hubby being home more (due to studying) that make this a prime time for expanding your family? At the moment I see some pretty big negatives that are giving the above positive a run for it's money (unemployed, short on finances, you aren't sure what your working future holds).

    Can I ask how old you are? Unless you were approaching an age where your fertility was at real risk, If I were in your shoes I would try and gain a small financial nest egg first and sort a plan my working future. If that was to be a SAHM, that's ok. However if I wanted a career I would like to get that sorted first. Or at least have a plan. That's just me though - I hate the thought of studying when looking after young kids and I hate the thought of struggling money wise (been there, done that, no thanks).

    If I were you I would stop thinking about the philosophy of it all - feminism, mysogyny etc. They are just red herrings. Can you afford to have a kid now? Can you afford to wait? Will you and your family be better off if you sort your working future out first? Can you live with the fact that your family/life choices (for now) are being funded by taxpayers rather than yourself?
    Last edited by VicPark; 20-05-2016 at 20:22.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    Ashling  (02-09-2016),Gentoo  (02-09-2016)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    3,941
    Thanks
    2,760
    Thanked
    3,184
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    If you want a baby, have a baby. The rest will fall into place.

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,649
    Thanks
    852
    Thanked
    2,666
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I don't really have any advice other than to do what's right for you and your family and to hell with the haters. Welfare recipients aren't the same as dole bludgers, so your MIL is way out of order there.

    Can you please write something else as well though? I have never come across such eloquent, beautiful writing before in a forum!
    Last edited by Moxy; 20-05-2016 at 21:18.

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Moxy For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (20-05-2016),GirlsRock  (20-05-2016),Tiny Dancer  (22-05-2016)

  6. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    664
    Thanks
    525
    Thanked
    277
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    You're far from being a dole bludger, that's really uncalled for even if it is a joke.
    I've been on some sort of welfare all my life so I have no stigma attached to it. It was never really a factor when we decided to expand our family for me.
    If it feels like the right time then try for your baby.
    Good luck. You sound like a lovely family.

  7. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,164
    Thanks
    1,363
    Thanked
    8,571
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default Moral quandary

    You can't have it all. Job, kids, career, family. You just can't. At least not all at the same time. But so what.

    Just let go of that and whatever societal notions you think are bearing down on you to forego your career once your baby days are behind you.

    Having babies does change how you will work in the future. Unless your DH is never going to work it naturally will. But it doesn't change them forever.

    I have 4 kids and my career now is very different from what it was 10 years ago when I first went on maternity leave.

    If you want to work and have a fulfilling career after kids you'll figure it out. Having the motivation and interest is half the battle.

    Good luck and go forth and procreate!!

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    Moxy  (22-05-2016),Wise Enough  (22-05-2016)

  9. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    47
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    15
    Reviews
    0
    If hubby is happy to cut study to part time and work part time then I would try for a baby. It's a big balance between present and future, and also fertility and money. You can't please everyone, and the Centrelink system is set up in a way that working part time is financially beneficial. If you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you could be waiting forever. Best of luck!

  10. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    22
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    10
    Reviews
    0
    Go for it! There is never a right time and at the end of the day, family is what matters, if you can provide financially for another human (regardless of if that's from the govt), provide the love and time and commitment then you're in a good place.

  11. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    61
    Thanks
    106
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0
    You're asking on a baby forum where many people come because they struggle to conceive. From this I can tell you already know what you want to hear. You're not going to get a balanced appraisal here, but I daresay you already knew that.

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm going to tell it as I see it. You did ask after all.

    I've never received a dollar from the government, except for paid parental leave which I was only entitled to as I'd been working for more than 12 months prior to giving birth. My partner had to stay in a job he doesn't particularly enjoy, because like you, we found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I will have a 1 year old this coming Saturday, but I'm already back at work 3 days per week. I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that over 50% of pregnancies are unplanned, and yet, very fortunately indeed, that same number do not depend on welfare.

    So you have a degree in something that does not afford any employment options. Has this only recently become apparent? I'm going to guess that the answer to this is no. I too have a degree, but I also worked during my full time study as I had no other way of supporting myself. My partner did the same through his degree. For me this is a point of contention, because I think if you can work, you should and I also think that whilst there is certainly merit in study for the sake of study, with the end goal being only enlightenment and further knowledge in your chosen interests, there is also a need for practicality and balance. So far, to me it seems there is no balance for you.

    I'm 29. We're also considering a second child. We both have jobs, own our own home, 2 cars, investment portfolios, have nearly finished paying of our HECS debts and we're now in a position where we can start to pursue our dreams. My partner wants to start up a gym and I'd like to be a nutritionist. Of course we won't receive any assistance, we never have. But we don't need it anymore anyway and that feels good.

    I agree with the pp. Unless you're on the verge of losing your fertility, I don't really think having another child is justified when you're depending on others to fund your lifestyle. Yes raising children is certainly hard and it should be valued, but it's not like we're about to die out as a species so we have to keep things in perspective here. I know so many people who want to have children but who are waiting until they know that they can support them - my sister is one of them. Obviously you don't want to miss out, but I do think that you should only choose to bring people into the world if you can support them. The welfare system is there for when accidents happen, and for helping people cope with circumstances beyond their control. I'm sorry but in my eyes, choosing to have a child in your circumstances is taking advantage of that system. And I work in the industry. I know there are people who really need it. But if everyone keeps expecting hand outs and expecting tax payers to fund their lifestyle choices, it will keep being targeted by governments (as it is now) and the people who do really need it will have a harder time accessing the funds they need.

    Anyway, you're going to do what you want to do, but if you really want to know what people think of your choices, there you have it.
    Last edited by Ashling; 02-09-2016 at 09:23.

  12. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Ashling For This Useful Post:

    clb84  (02-09-2016),Gentoo  (02-09-2016),KitiK  (02-09-2016),Molros  (02-09-2016),zalimama  (02-09-2016)

  13. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    46
    Thanks
    17
    Thanked
    23
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashling View Post
    You're asking on a baby forum where many people come because they struggle to conceive. From this I can tell you already know what you want to hear. You're not going to get a balanced appraisal here, but I daresay you already knew that.

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm going to tell it as I see it. You did ask after all.

    I've never received a dollar from the government, except for paid parental leave which I was only entitled to as I'd been working for more than 12 months prior to giving birth. My partner had to stay in a job he doesn't particularly enjoy, because like you, we found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I will have a 1 year old this coming Saturday, but I'm already back at work 3 days per week. I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that over 50% of pregnancies are unplanned, and yet, very fortunately indeed, that same number do not depend on welfare.

    So you have a degree in something that does not afford any employment options. Has this only recently become apparent? I'm going to guess that the answer to this is no. I too have a degree, but I also worked during my full time study as I had no other way of supporting myself. My partner did the same through his degree. For me this is a point of contention, because I think if you can work, you should and I also think that whilst there is certainly merit in study for the sake of study, with the end goal being only enlightenment and further knowledge in your chosen interests, there is also a need for practicality and balance. So far, to me it seems there is no balance for you.

    I'm 29. We're also considering a second child. We both have jobs, own our own home, 2 cars, investment portfolios, have nearly finished paying of our HECS debts and we're now in a position where we can start to pursue our dreams. My partner wants to start up a gym and I'd like to be a nutritionist. Of course we won't receive any assistance, we never have. But we don't need it anymore anyway and that feels good.

    I agree with the pp. Unless you're on the verge of losing your fertility, I don't really think having another child is justified when you're depending on others to fund your lifestyle. Yes raising children is certainly hard and it should be valued, but it's not like we're about to die out as a species so we have to keep things in perspective here. I know so many people who want to have children but who are waiting until they know that they can support them - my sister is one of them. Obviously you don't want to miss out, but I do think that you should only choose to bring people into the world if you can support them. The welfare system is there for when accidents happen, and for helping people cope with circumstances beyond their control. I'm sorry but in my eyes, choosing to have a child in your circumstances is taking advantage of that system. And I work in the industry. I know there are people who really need it. But if everyone keeps expecting hand outs and expecting tax payers to fund their lifestyle choices, it will keep being targeted by governments (as it is now) and the people who do really need it will have a harder time accessing the funds they need.

    Anyway, you're going to do what you want to do, but if you really want to know what people think of your choices, there you have it.
    100% this.

  14. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Sunshine Coast
    Posts
    2,901
    Thanks
    2,333
    Thanked
    2,031
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    At the end of the day, it is your life, your choice so you don't need to justify yourself to any of us. Try for your baby if that is what you desire. Good luck with it all.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Marchbundle For This Useful Post:

    TheGooch  (03-09-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Moral compass questions
    By DesperatelySeekingSleep in forum General Chat
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 11-02-2016, 01:50

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Free weekly newsletters | Sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Little Kickers
Little Kickers Soccer/Football classes for children 18 months up to age 7 yrs. Contact us for more details on the fastest growing preschool program in Australia!
featured supporter
ProSwim
ProSwim runs learn to swim classes for babies, children and adults. Babies swimming lessons start from 6 months of age. Swimming lessons run at our indoor pool in Plympton Park, all year round and at outdoor centres during summer at Woodforde.
gotcha
X

Expecting your first baby?

Not sure what to do?

We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the
14 Pregnancy Must Dos!