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  1. #1
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    Default Toilet Training - impossible

    Help me please!!!

    So it has been over a year of trying to toilet train my now 3.5yr old - on and off.

    He will ONLY do a wee in the shower, he tells me that the toilet water is too scary, but the potty without water is also too scary and that he wants to do it in the shower with the water on. - i should say he doesnt 'ask' to go in the shower, he waits until i ask if he needs to do a wee on the toilet or the potty which he always responds "no mummy no i dont need to" so usually 5 or so minutes of trying to lure him to the toilet or potty i then say "would you like to do wee in the shower" and he says yes and runs to the shower. I only work 2 days a week so it is easy enough for us to do this at home (although I am still encouraging the toilet/potty - even got one of those plastic frog urinals) if I don't give him a shower in the middle of the day he will literally hold his wee all day until bath time(!!!)

    I try / have done all of these things:
    • Taking shopping for special jocks - he was very excited to do this and is excited to choose his jocks in the morning.
    • decorating the urinal with stickers
    • ping pong balls in toilet & potty
    • washable markers to draw on toilet lid while sitting on toilet
    • putting water in the potty and putting food colouring in there (i try to tell him if he does a big wee it might change the colour which he gets excited to do - but will not wee)
    • sticker charts
    • bribing
    • sitting on potty watching tv/ colouring/ reading books
    • putting urinal in shower to encourage him to wee into it while he's in the shower
    • i'm sure there is more tips i've tried but i can't remember

    He will scream and cry and most times I actually can not get him to sit or stand on/at the toilet, I managed to get him to sit on the potty (after 45 min of crying and screaming) and i got him laughing and was tickling him and he did a little dribble and I was being very supportive and he went from a shock look to happy so I thought we might be making some progress! But then he had an accident a little while later which he hasnt actually had an accident for a couple of weeks.

    I have tried the "big boy" approach as well to which he replied "I don't want to be a big boy, I want to be a little boy so you look after me" which breaks my heart. He has an 18mo sister. I have tried to tell him that I will still look after him and he will still get lots of cuddles if he is a big boy.

    I have told him now that if he wants to be a little boy he needs to have a nap when his sister does and go to bed when she does, well he took himself to bed tonight when she went without any help.

    I have spoken to our GP who didn't have any other suggestions as it seems I've tried everything!

    Help me please!

  2. #2
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    His far into bribery did you go? Like a kinder surprise or something really ridiculous for a 3yo to get for a wee? I'm a briber. We have a treat box and she gets to pick a lolly when she goes. I'm hoping to phase it out slowly.

    I know she's young but maybe train your daughter and see if that encourages him? Maybe seeing his sister go and seeing her heaped with praise and treats might encourage him? My DD2 started using the pot at 18m.

  3. #3
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    I'd take a break and wait until he is really ready - if the GP has ruled out any medical issues maybe he just isn't ready?

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    binnielici  (20-05-2016)

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    I'll return....

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    Sorry, I said I'll return, but it seems like you have tried a lot.
    Have you asked him why his scared? What does he think?
    Maybe he has seen something in the toilet? To show? Somewhere outdoors...

    Maybe he isn't ready like others have said, but when he is, it will click. I know it sounds doubtful now. But it will and you will wonder why you stressed.

    Good luck

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    Default Toilet Training - impossible

    Might be a silly thing but with DD I'd put some toilet paper in the toilet before she'd go so the water doesn't splash up at her and frighten her... Maybe that's what he's cared of?
    Also wanted to add it might be attention seeking, DD will do it with food and if I don't watch it becomes a power struggle... It sounds like what you have but in a different scenario... Maybe try taking the 'big deal' out of the situation, worst comes to worst he has an accident.
    Maybe dad could help or a male role model could take over and actually 'show' him what to do man o man sorta speak...
    Last edited by ciaomamma; 20-05-2016 at 20:15.

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    Id be putting him into nappies and just forgetting completely about toilet training. I found that with my son, as soon as I stopped worrying about trying to get him to go on the toilet, he wanted to wear jocks. I was so traumatised by our 7 month attempt at tt, that he ended up absolutely insisting on wearing jocks before we had another attempt and it was really easy.

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    If you have been trying for a year and he is having a traumatic response to the toilet i would abandon toilet training. I have tried and then abandoned with 2 of my children. One day, on their own terms, they said ' toilet' and ran towards it. Then it all clicked almost straight away. I have never used a potty. Why train for a potty, then train for a toilet? That has just been my experience. Does your ds go to daycare or preschool where he can take cues from his peers?

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    Thanks for all of your responses!
    with the bribing I have tried big and small - chocolate, small toys then big toys and train rides to the zoo! Husband has tried showing him and daycare have been trying aswell and he sees the kids there use the toilet and his cousin. We have tried to let him go outside and water the plants but thats also not worked. My 18mo daughter carried the potty to me today so we got her to sit on it and even though she did nothing we pretended like she did - then my boy was so happy for her "well done Billie!!!" And gave her a kiss and cuddle. After another traumatic time trying to get him to do a wee before a bath I think we will abandon it for a while. Here's hoping he picks it up on his own soon!

    When I was about 10 we were camping and my friend and I caught lots of frogs and my older brother convinced us to put them into the toilets at th caravan park...well a woman was toilet training her daughter when a frog jumped up in the toilet bowl and hit her on the bum and there went her toilet training.. I am convinced this is now Karma! 15 years later!

    Thanks again

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    JustJaq  (21-05-2016)

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    Yeah I would give it a rest a while


 

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