I'm trying to think outside the box here as we had my mum as a babysitter so it was easy for us.
1. Get a babysitter (from an agency) to look after DS while you and DH are home so you can focus on each other (maybe hang out in a separate room to DS and the babysitter) but you are right there near DS.
2. Take DS with you out to dinner/lunch (we do this very often!)
3. Start DS in daycare 1 day a week (if you intend on putting him into daycare soonish anyway). You don't need to leave him there all day, just a couple of hours to start with a build up slowly. This will help for when you go back to work anyway. Also often daycare educators will do babysitting as well. To be honest I was hesitant putting DD into daycare but once I'd been there and met the educators I felt at complete ease and DD loves going. She now has a fantastic bond with the educators.
4. If you are part of a mothers group and 'click' in particular with any of the ladies ask if they could babysit for a few hours and another day you babysit their little one.
Everyone has their own comfort levels where this is concerned and you will need to work out what you are comfortable with. There is no right or wrk g in this situation. Your child is your most precious possession and if you aren't comfortable leaving them with a baby sitter then that's okay.
DS is 5 and 2 months and we have never had date time. Now he is at kindy I do get some time to myself and DH cycles a lot. We go out individually and as a family but not as a couple. It's starting to annoy me now but the fact is that we are not comfortable leaving him with a babysitter. We don't have family near us so that's what we would have to do. Employing a babysitter plus the expenses involved in going out to what we would like to means its prohibitive.
It is what it is and we have learnt to live with it.
Do you have a mothers group? You could do a swap with one of the mums. Once a month you go to her house at night when her bub is asleep and babysit for 2 hours. Then the next month she comes and sits at your house while your bub sleeps. Go to dinner just around the corner so you can come straight home if bub wakes. X
we're still pretty new at mg but once we've all gotten to know eachother better I think this is a wonderful idea.
part of my anxiety of leaving ds with older in laws is they've got no recent baby experience. it just worried me that they might use outdated practices or if something happened, do something that's no longer recommended and inadvertently cause damage. my parents at least have recent experience with my sister's ds so I feel they're more up to speed about what's done and what not these days. so yeah, someone in mg would be perfect as i know we're all on the same page re current practices and baby safety etc
What will happen with your son when you go back to work? If you are thinking childcare once you have a place you may find the carers there do babysitting as well. It's worth looking on the notice boards there when you have a visit down the track (if you go down that path).
We are also in a similar position. We don't have a lot of family support and DS2 is a Clingon for me.
Obviously this is just my opinion, but I think sometimes geography makes no difference to reconnecting. Sure it would be nice to get out of the house, but you two can still have quality time. Some of the things we do:
I'll serve the kids something really simple for tea and cook something special just for us. When they go to bed we'll sit and eat with a glass of red.
We watch shows cuddled up on the lounge then will discuss after lol so we've had some interesting discussions about GOT of late, is JS a Targyren, is Tyrion??
We'll put the kids to bed, light candles and and have a bubble bath together.
But after 3 children, I've found nothing beats plain old chatting to reconnect. Put the baby to bed, and just sit and chat with a beer or glass of wine. Chat about your day, how annoying DS has been, your DH might tell you a funny story about work. Ask how each other's day has been?
But when we had just one or even 2 and still lived in inner city Melbourne j yearned to go out and be part of the life I was surrounded by. Sometimes you just want to put on a nice outfit, do my hair and make up and go out.
Now once or twice a year is plenty!
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