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  1. #11
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    In your situation I would probably just take him with you if you don't want to leave him with anyone.

    We are lucky to have family and friends close by who were happy to babysit for us when we wanted/needed. Though neither of my kids would take a bottle so we didn't leave them with anyone until they stretched out feeds long enough for me to leave the house for a couple of hours. That being said, our couple time has reduced significantly since having kids as we usually head out with friends on our nights 'off'. Our relationship has definitely suffered as we haven't put in the effort we probably should have.

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    turquoisecoast  (18-05-2016)

  3. #12
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    We have no family around and take DD with us.

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    turquoisecoast  (18-05-2016)

  5. #13
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    I'm lucky as I had my mum but it was around when DS was 3 months that we went out for the first time, I didn't want to leave him but honestly if you can it is really a good thing as it's nice relaxing/going out without the baby even for an hour! Does your MIL or sister visit you often? Maybe try organise a day where they can come for the day/weekend and you guys start go out for lunch , even an hour will do you good! We do take DS to a lot of cafes/restaurants with us but it's still nice having just DH and I occasionally and its good for DS to spend time with his extended family

  6. #14
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    ds takes a bottle so if we had someone to watch him it would be ideal! he usually goes to bed around 6, waking 9-10 for a feed then he's down again til around 2-3am. so there's scope for date time, just nobody to watch him! bloody typical really!

    my parents are here in a couple of weeks, might see if they are happy to watch him for a couple of hours so we can get out the house.

    we already utilize the evenings and watch stuff on Netflix, have dinner together, a glass of wine etc. it's just I'm home so much I'd love the opportunity to get out with dh!

  7. #15
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    I felt the same way with DD when she was born. DH was always keen to go out to dinner and do things we did before we had kids when the opportunity presented itself but I always baulked at the idea - not because I wasn't keen for some couple time, but just because I knew it would be utterly unenjoyable. DD always refused a bottle so that didn't help. As she got older and her sleeping patterns more predictable we would put her to bed and then go out to dinner if my in laws were visiting or if we were visiting them...

    So I totally get where you are at and I think it is totally normal to feel how you do. If I were in your shoes right now I'd be looking at ways to create a nice date night at home... Take away and a picnic dinner outside, candle lit dinner followed by a movie. I know it isn't getting out of the house but I think if you make the conscious effort and decision to have a nice date night in it will give you the time to connect (if bubs cooperates and stays asleep!) and really is your best option if babysitting is not an option...

    Good luck!

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    turquoisecoast  (18-05-2016)

  9. #16
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    My DD is 10 months old and we've never had her babysat as we don't feel comfortable and it's not easy for us. We take her with if we want to go out for dinner although now she's mobile that's harder as she's not content to just sit in the Pram or high chair for an hour! We have to eat fast now lol.
    We get couple time, as per many pp's, when she's in bed for the night so we get a couple of hours from about 7:30 til we go to bed. Neither of us have a burning desire at this stage to go out without her so it hasn't been a problem so far.
    I'd start by taking him out with you (we felt such a sense of achievement and much more normal the first time we took DD out to dinner!) then when you're ready maybe leave him with whoever is the best option for you just for an hour and go out for coffee test the waters maybe during nap time.

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    turquoisecoast  (18-05-2016)

  11. #17
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    Default Wwyd?

    Quote Originally Posted by binnielici View Post
    Same as everyone else here. Last alone time DH and I had was the length of movie on Boxing Day last year. My sister looked after DS2. Before I honestly don't remember.

    I don't leave my children with anyone other than my sister and I'll leave DS2 with his big brother (21) but that's it.. I'm paranoid and thankfully DH respects that but it's hard.

    So I would suggest getting bub settled down to sleep (as best as you can at that age!). Lighting some candles, have a nice meal, watch a movie, snuggle on the lounge - you get my drift!
    Gah bh ate my post.

    Even though we have support I'm still not comfortable leaving dd2 yet. She's breast fed and refuses a bottle (spent a fortune on different types, dh and mum have tried when I'm out if the house to no avail). She's 6.5 months now and I've been out once but I felt awful when we came home to learn she screamed from 6pm-12am

    I do what @binnielici does. Get the kids in bed, get dressed nicely, order a nice meal, open a bottle of champers and put a picnic rug on the floor with some tunes. It's fun

    Not the same as being out but you may find being out isn't as fun anymore when you're tired, fretting about the kids and having to deal with them the next day if you've over indulged.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 18-05-2016 at 15:08.

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  13. #18
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    We've had all 4 kids with no family support. Honestly I just interviewed several hundred (slight exaggeration) babysitters until I found one I gelled with. We both had tickets to see a band when DD was about 4 months old which we'd booked before she was even born so I had to sort something out.

    She slept the whole time we were out (pretty much a first for her)! And we had a great time.

    It's extremely hard the first time but I realised early on that having kids without family meant DH and I never went out together or I had to find someone I could trust.

    Another option is to find someone from your mums group in a similar position who you like and do free babysitting for each other. I had a group of around 4 mums in mine and for a while we all babysat for each other. Worked well for a few months but then dd1 went through a period of waking at around 9pm and screaming the house down which made it too stressful to go out.

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    turquoisecoast  (18-05-2016)

  15. #19
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    Default Wwyd?

    Quote Originally Posted by sajimum View Post
    Is there someone you could trust with him while he's sleeping? Perhaps if there's a period that he normally has a decent sleep (first sleep of the evening? Or during the day?) you could put him down and just head out for an hour or so?
    You mentioned that he sleeps a good chunk- then surely you can pay a friend to babysit when you'll know he'll be sleeping? Even if they are crap with babies hopefully they are just there to watch TV whilst bub sleeps?

    Eta: definitely go out when your parents are there!
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 18-05-2016 at 15:15.

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    turquoisecoast  (18-05-2016)

  17. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    You mentioned that he sleeps a good chunk- then surely you can pay a friend to babysit when you'll know he'll be sleeping? Even if they are crap with babies hopefully they are just there to watch TV whilst bub sleeps?

    Eta: definitely go out when your parents are there!
    I don't have anyone I'm close enough to to ask this of over here.

    I'll try and arrange something when my parents are here!


 

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