+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0

    Default Irresponsible Father. What can I do?

    Hi all.

    I am new here so I'm sorry if this is not the appropriate place to post this query.

    I have an 11 month old son and his father and I split before he was born.

    Unfortunately we have a very strained co-parenting relationship and have had from the start.

    Very quick backstory: He has a lot of pent-up resentment toward me for locking him into child support and for living so far away from him, and I have a lot of resistance in handing my son to him for visitations, although I do so as cheerfully as possible for my son's sake.
    I have suspected strongly for quite some time that he has some sort of ASD, and a child psychologist I
    have seen has suggested that he possibly also has narcissism. I'm dealing with a really difficult guy unfortunately.
    He is doing everything he can to make it look like I'm violating our parenting plan (I'm not) and generally has it in for me. My poor son. I'm trying to be the best buffer for him that I can be, but it's tough and scary doing it alone.

    Today I got my son back from a visitation and I can smell redbull on his clothes, which is what his father drinks all day long. I am sickened that he would be giving this to my son who is not even one, even if it was just a tiny sip.
    The thing is he will deny it when I ask him about it next time I see him. And I can't really prove it, its just that the clothing stinks to high heaven of redbull. What can I do? I feel so powerless that during his time with my son he can essentially parent however he likes and there's nothing I can do.

    It sucks that as mothers, we are given instincts that we are not allowed to use to protect our children from harm. What a **** system. End rant.

    Does anyone have advice? Or can give me any hope? Is it something I should document with child services or is that OTT?

    TIA


    Last edited by Urobar; 16-05-2016 at 20:57. Reason: Font size

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    291
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    63
    Reviews
    0
    Are there any court orders?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    No, not yet

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,612
    Thanks
    2,724
    Thanked
    864
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Maybe the red bull spilled on your sons clothes and that is why the smell is so strong??

    Write it down, date it and see if anything further happens. If you still need court orders get onto that.

    Always keep a diary of incidents with dates and what happens, then if you ever need it you can give the diary to your lawyer.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    594
    Thanks
    232
    Thanked
    269
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    How long is the father having your son for visits? Perhaps if you went thru the process of getting a proper parenting plan in place it might be less until DS is a bit older. I agree with you about the protection of our little ones! I also find this heartbreaking and struggle to see how it is in the best interests of the children sometimes.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,147
    Thanks
    449
    Thanked
    490
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Document everything, text messages, calls and emails and print anything out that you can keep a really good filing system. All of this will help you in the long run if he wanted to take you to court. As for the red bull, I would send him an email and print it out just so that it is printed on record as a phone call is just here say. Just be careful how you word it don't go saying did you let him drink I would be saying....just a query but our son (insert his name) had red bull of his tshirt and I was wondering if this is something of concern that he may of taken a can and drank it without you knowing. You have to play it as a mindset game. Wording is everything. Basically think like a lawyer

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks for your reply ladies.

    We do have a proper parenting plan (from mediation). I do always document everything that is said and have an excellent record of all communications. He has engaged a lawyer who has obviously coached him on what to say and how to interact, because his written word is sickly sweet and nothing like him in person; he is too socially inept to be able to come up with such communication style on his own.

    I have approached him about the issue and was careful to ask rather than accuse. He denied giving my son redbull but said it may have rubbed off onto him, as the father was drinking it himself, as suspected. But I am dubious, as the smell of the redbull was only in the direct 'dribble zone' below the chin on the clothes, and was still damp, not 'rubbed' on, and not splashed all over as you would expect from a random knock.

    I have documented my concerns with our GP and have told him this much. Hopefully that is the end of it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    790
    Thanks
    669
    Thanked
    367
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you as it sounds like such a difficult situation. I'm still together with the father of my children but different styles of parenting is one of the hardest things I've come across that I never even thought about pre kids. At times I've really struggled with having to let go of my instinct as dh has wanted to do something, for example give one of the kids a medication that I don't think they need, and although usually it's nothing major I hate the loss of control you have at times. Good luck, it sounds like you are doing the best thing documenting everything and I really hope he doesn't do anything else irresponsible or upsetting for you. Hugs.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Planning to be a father
    By Winterm93 in forum Introductions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-01-2016, 09:46
  2. How can I have been so irresponsible to be in this situation again?
    By 2plus2makesnotsure in forum Support for unplanned pregnancies
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 28-10-2015, 21:47

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Softmats
With so many amazing reversible designs, the soft and cushioned Premium Bubba Mats are the perfect space for all the family. Not only do they look fantastic; you can also enjoy the quality and comfort for years to come.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Sarah Tooke Childbirth & Parenting Education
Providing private, personalised antenatal childbirth & parenting education to expectant parents in the comfort of their own home. Sessions are flexible, including everything that hospital based programs cover. Click to find out more!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!