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  1. #131
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    @Tinachris sending you lots of hugs. It sounds like you have high expectations of yourself and are being pretty tough on yourself. As we all know to our cost IVF is physically, emotionally, medically, and financially draining, so I'd say feeling tearful is a very natural response to all the stress and turmoil. When a cycle fails we all need to grieve it, in whatever is the best way for us. I only talk to DH and one other friend IRL about IVF. Others know about it, but I don't discuss it as I've found they were unempathic, perhaps great about cycle one, but not understanding as we kept cycling and I've just found it's better to keep it private. A counsellor might be helpful if they have an understanding of IVF and fertility. Maybe see the counsellors at QFG? With a counsellor you don't have to worry about their feelings, how you come across, or things being brought back to haunt you if you go off on a tangent or think out loud, so it can be cathartic.
    Last edited by Gagingi; 18-05-2016 at 10:20.

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  3. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinachris View Post
    Thanks @bobgley yeah as soon as someone is nice to me and asks me about it I'm a mess ATM. If they were a right ***** I'd keep my **** together, lol! I can't even say how many cycles I've done and I'm having a sook.
    I might have to do the free counselling they offer when I do another cycle, might be helpful. I just never really thought a counsellor would do anything much but nod and listen...similar to my DH lol
    @Tinachris My counselor did a LOT of talking actually! Which I felt quite comforting. That was when I was trying to figure out when to let go of my own eggs and considering donor eggs, so she had a lot of knowledge about donor conceived families and the issues of donation. I think I saw one counselor with my partner 3 times maybe and then another 2 specifically counseling to do with donor eggs. It's not like it was all sunshine and lollypops either she was very realistic about our chances with our own eggs but it was good to hear the hard cold facts.

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  5. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by winsor View Post
    we're trying Aus because we'd like the option of the child being able to find their bio parent in future if they should want to & in NSW the donor goes onto the registry. but we don't really want a new bff/close relationship with the donor whilst they're growing up. if that makes sense. hrmm.. maybe I need to reword our ad if it's not clear enough

    so far we're ok with taking it slow & steady. maybe in a couple of months we might want to review this. it hasn't been that long since our loss. I think it takes some time & I'm only on my 2nd af (this week I think) since, so letting my body reset over time too (well 3 af if you count the mc as first)

    hugs for you & Blossom too.

    Ah, sorry @winsor. I hadn't been back to re-read your ad, I just went off my very bad memory and thought you didn't want any contact. I had forgotten the part about "After the child is 18..." My apologies

    You're right too, it IS still very early for you. It's early for us too, for that matter, lol. We still hold CT as a final option should something happen with our donor and we're not able to proceed. Not that we're thinking it will all go astray, but it'as nice to have options just in case

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  7. #134
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    hugs @Tinachris. I found it harder to talk about ivf when I was cycling - the meds, being in the situation. since we're on a break/finished (unless we find DE) it's been a bit easier. I think the meds really affected me as I'm not usually that emotional. I found it helpful to speak to the counselor too - it wasn't something I'd ever done before but afterwards I was glad to have done it. she spoke & asked questions and let me speak and tear up. I was a mess that day too - worse than usual as I'd just had to wait with all the young pg ladies for my last scan. if your clinic offers free counseling session, I'd recommend going to see them. hope you're feeling better soon

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  9. #135
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    Thank you ladies for your support.

    I am still grieving our loss - whatever that means. In actual fact I feel like I haven't grieved, and I don't know how to.

    I don't know how to move past this. Holding a baby in my arms would be wonderful but I can't forsee even that would take away the pain I feel surrounding our MC. It was so traumatic. I will never forget it.

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  11. #136
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    np @Blossom74 yes it's good to have options. CT would prob be our preference so far for O/S donors if it comes to that. but I've only had a quick look into o/s donors admittedly when my head wasn't straight at the time. so I'd need to take another look later if we get to that point. a bris donor might be a good option if one comes up - I grew up in bris/qld so I think that would feel right.

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  13. #137
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    fwiw I don't think you have to/will ever forget it either. it was a different time and bub. they'll always be with you & be part of your family. even when you have the new bub. I know in my family, we always knew about my older brother who didn't make it (stillborn) as Mum let us know. he had a name and I always felt I had an older brother & wasn't really the eldest. she's only recently mentioned other earlier m/c too, but I think they count as part of the family also

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  15. #138
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    Dear @Blossom74 Your post just brought tears to my eyes, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Miscarriages are utterly devastating. After my first miscarriage I cried every day for about 6 or 7 weeks and then intermittently for months after that and I, like you, thought I would never get over it. I was completely stuck in my grief. I felt like not only was I grieving the loss of my baby but also the likelihood that I might never have a biological child. But it is true what they say - time is a wonderful healer, gradually over time I thought about the loss of my baby less and less and I was eventually able to move on from that sad chapter in my life. My only advice to you is to be sad and cry for as long as you need to - there is no time limit on grief. And let your hubby know how you're feeling - I can still remember how soothing my husbands big silent bearhugs were as I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest.

    But I'm also here to tell you that there is life beyond miscarriage... I am pregnant now with DE and I can honestly say that all the pain and heartbreak of 2 M/Cs and four and a half years of IVF has magically melted away - something I never thought would happen. You are well on your way down the donor path and you will hold your baby in your arms one day soon and I hope that this will help to heal some of the pain of losing your LO. Please don't lose hope and heart, it does get better. Thinking of you, FFxxx
    Last edited by Felicity Fox; 18-05-2016 at 11:25.

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  17. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Felicity Fox View Post
    And let your hubby know how you're feeling - I can still remember how soothing my husbands big silent bearhugs were as I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest.

    But I'm also here to tell you that there is life beyond miscarriage... I am pregnant now with DE and I can honestly say that all the pain and heartbreak of 2 M/Cs and four and a half years of IVF has magically melted away - something I never thought would happen. You are well on your way down the donor path and you will hold your baby in your arms one day soon and I hope that this will help to heal some of the pain of losing your LO. Please don't lose hope and heart, it does get better. Thinking of you, FFxxx


    Now you're all bringing tears to my eyes.

    It hasn't all melted away for me yet, I know I am in a very privileged position (which makes these feelings seem all that more ungrateful and selfish) but when my friend blithely told me that she intended on being pregnant with kid number 2 before she went back to work from maternity leave I could have punched her in the nose.

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  19. #140
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    Ha ha @Bongley... yeah true enough. More like 'most of the pain' I was chatting with my aunty who mentioned that my 2nd cousin is about to have her first baby this month at 44... she was single and thinking of going it alone then after dating some 36 year old stud for 5 mins she ooopsidentally got pregnant. While I'm thrilled to bits for her I must admit my first reaction was grrrrrr...

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