It's hard to say exactly because so many other changes have happened like career changes and interstate moves etc. I think having kids has definitely brought us closer together but also tested us in ways we never imagined. I can see why so many couples break up after having kids - we are very committed and always debrief/makeup after arguements and both understand that our relationship is forever evolving. I think too many people nowadays have unrealistic expectations that their relationship will remain in a blissful honeymoon state forever and choose to abandon ship at the first sign of trouble, rather that working through the tough times together.
I have changed as a person since having kids my priorities and goals different. We find communication is essential and we need to work harder to find time together and focus on our relationship whereas before kids it happened naturally.
I think we have both become more selfish too as there is less time to do individual activities for ourselves - hence a lot of my turn/your turn goes on. Not something we ever had to negotiate before having kids.
But I also think in my personal circumstance it has also got to do with DH job which places increasing demand for him to travel and be away from home. That is hard with children in the mix.
Things have taken a turn for the worse after the births of both our children. The first 6 months after I had DD1 were bad times for our relationship. It was like I had two children.
Things improved significantly, we had DD2 and now things are pretty average again. He's great with the girls, but he hasn't said 'I love you' in months. I can't remember the last compliment he gave me. He doesn't seem interested in me. He often doesn't listen to what I'm saying. Yesterday I was telling him about something and he was saying 'mmhmm mmhmm' and half an hour later he asked me a question about what I'd told him and insisted we'd never discussed it (although to be fair, this seems to be a social issue he has and not just me - he just can't keep up with conversations. I often wonder if it's by choice or if there's something more to it).
I have been daydreaming about separating recently. It's terrible. He's quite a selfish man and I think he resents the fact that he gets less attention from me. I resent the fact that he doesn't give me what I need in terms of affection and attention. Feminism aside, I want a man who will look after me and make me feel good (in terms of helping out, compliments, doing romantic things, planning outings).
I'm not unhappy, but the relationship is just 'blah'. I'm bored, lonely and under appreciated.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. This is a very timely thread.
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