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  1. #11
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    It is hard to say because a lot of other things have changed (jobs, careers, where we live) during that time as well. So it is hard to pin down what causes which change. Plus, we had only been together 2 years when we had our first, so how we were pre-kids was very much the honeymoon stage and some of what we've been through a relationship can go through with or without kids.

    I will say though, the first 12 months put huge strain on our relationship. Not just with our first but with our 2nd 5 years later as well. It is just a full on stage where you are often left shaking your head saying "will things ever be normal again?".

  2. #12
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    Default How has your relationship with your DP changed since having kids?

    Interesting thread and one I've been thinking about also.

    - I feel we never touch each other
    - When I do get time off I'd rather be on my own to recharge than with DH. It's just another drain on my energies.
    - I'm worried we are so child focused that we have nothing else to talk about.
    - I bite his head off ALL the time and then his passiveness I find irritating.
    - we had a recent date night and it was the first in ten months. It felt weird to be out without DD and we were both so tired we came home early as both were bored also.
    - insatiable anger from me.
    - social life has nose dived. We bunkered down the first 6mths and now nobody seems to want to get in touch. I also am too tired to make plans so we don't often see people at weekends which creates friction. I think we're both a bit lonely.

    The caveat being that I've been made redundant on mat leave so I'm feeling very lost and isolated. I'm looking for work which is stressful and the lack of things to talk about and financial independence means I'm just annoyed being around him. I feel like a shell of a person most days and he's kind of.. The same.

    He's also a fantastic husband and father which just makes me feel worse for feeling so grumpy. 😞

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  4. #13
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    Yes, ours has changed but it's hard to pinpoint what exactly. Dh has really stepped up since I've gone back to work and has learnt to cook etc. I don't crave alone time but get plenty of that at work and a dance class once a week, and in the evening now ds is sleeping ok. Dh likes to play on his computer so usually I crave company and really value our family time on the weekends. We are more focused and financially responsible now compared to pre-ds. We tend to neglect each other as a couple though...its hard to gauge, I'm happy having family time instead of couple time, but I'm not sure what dh thinks. Probably that it's just a part of parenthood and we'll have plenty of time to ourselves once ds is older.

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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    Interesting thread and one I've been thinking about also.

    - I feel we never touch each other
    - When I do get time off I'd rather be on my own to recharge than with DH. It's just another drain on my energies.
    - I'm worried we are so child focused that we have nothing else to talk about.
    - I bite his head off ALL the time and then his passiveness I find irritating.
    - we had a recent date night and it was the first in ten months. It felt weird to be out without DD and we were both so tired we came home early as both were bored also.
    - insatiable anger from me.
    - social life has nose dived. We bunkered down the first 6mths and now nobody seems to want to get in touch. I also am too tired to make plans so we don't often see people at weekends which creates friction. I think we're both a bit lonely.

    The caveat being that I've been made redundant on mat leave so I'm feeling very lost and isolated. I'm looking for work which is stressful and the lack of things to talk about and financial independence means I'm just annoyed being around him. I feel like a shell of a person most days and he's kind of.. The same.

    He's also a fantastic husband and father which just makes me feel worse for feeling so grumpy. 😞
    big hugs.

  6. #15
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    Well, we're now divorced... so yeah I think it changed a fair bit lol

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    Ours has improved. Well, we are better connected emotionally. Definitely less s3X than pre kids (3-4X a week) but it's good. We have a designated date night weekly and spend at least 1-1.5hrs a day together if Dh is home.

    If we had local babysitting we would go out more but now we wait till family visit then we head out for date nights.

    We've spent so much time apart/interstate from each other that we need prioritize each other to keep 'us' alive.

    We also rarely get alone time so that gets scheduled in weekly too. So last night I read a book all night, tonight is date night. I've got cheese, wine, some candles and will swap my trakkies for my pretty flannels (it's bloody cold here in Canberra) and might even put some lipstick on.

    It's working so far for us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Waggers70 View Post
    Totally changed our relationship from 6 weeks on. I ended up with 2 toddlers and made the difficult but inevitable decision to leave the 49 year old one just after DS turned 3. I remember when DS was 6 weeks old - I was having a shower when the ex kicked the bathroom door in and started screaming at me about why was I showering as the baby was crying and why was I ignoring him (as in why was I ignoring the ex, not the baby)? He then virtually threw DS at me - I was still wet and nude, and stormed out. That's the moment I realised I was going to be on my own, and most likely the start of a spiral to PND. It's hard being single with a 3 year old, esp as I'm 46. I really don't see me ever in a relationship again.
    He sounds like an absolute ****. Is he involved in your DS's life at all? You did well to get out of that relationship before it was too late.

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  12. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    Interesting thread and one I've been thinking about also.

    - I feel we never touch each other
    - When I do get time off I'd rather be on my own to recharge than with DH. It's just another drain on my energies.
    - I'm worried we are so child focused that we have nothing else to talk about.
    - I bite his head off ALL the time and then his passiveness I find irritating.
    - we had a recent date night and it was the first in ten months. It felt weird to be out without DD and we were both so tired we came home early as both were bored also.
    - insatiable anger from me.
    - social life has nose dived. We bunkered down the first 6mths and now nobody seems to want to get in touch. I also am too tired to make plans so we don't often see people at weekends which creates friction. I think we're both a bit lonely.

    The caveat being that I've been made redundant on mat leave so I'm feeling very lost and isolated. I'm looking for work which is stressful and the lack of things to talk about and financial independence means I'm just annoyed being around him. I feel like a shell of a person most days and he's kind of.. The same.

    He's also a fantastic husband and father which just makes me feel worse for feeling so grumpy. 😞
    It sounds like you're having a really hard time. Big hugs.. How old is your DD? I really think the first year is the absolute hardest and most people find it a big strain on the relationship. It does get easier!

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    Interesting topic.

    I often think about this topic but probably for different reasons to others.

    My husband and I are even stronger/ better since having children ( we have had 3 in 3 years and are hoping to have another soon)
    Of course we don't get as much couple time together but we both wanted the family and just love the kids. We are strict on bedtime and worked hard to have ours in bed by 6:30 on normal nights so we get our nights to ourselves.
    We both have a very 'can do/ get in there and get it done' attitude so we both work great together caring for the kids, we both pitch in and get stuff done.
    With three under three our days are full on and busy and all three kids still need help/ care with most tasks. We accept where we are at the moment and where our family will be in a few years.

    We always chat and keep our communication very open. We both really appreciate what the others does and make sure we tell each other often. I have plenty of bad/ hard days being a SAHM but we just chat it out, dust off and start agin the next day.
    I consider myself so lucky, cause I do believe the first year of a new baby is very hard and we have virtually done three in a row.
    I now worry that things are just so working out so well for us, something has to go wrong soon.

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    Default How has your relationship with your DP changed since having kids?

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