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    Default Teenager help!!!

    So we got asked the dreaded " can the girlfriend stay over " question. Dss is 17. Gf is almost 17.

    At what age do we allow this to happen???
    Do we talk to her parents as well to make sure everyone is on the same page??

    Hubby and I are not sure what to do!!

    ( no nastiness please ).

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    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
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    personally - as long as it is ok with the girldfriends parents I would be ok with it.

    He isnt a kid - he is obviously going to have s.x with her anyway ... might as well be at home.

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    I had this exact conversation with a friend this week. Their son is going to stay at his girlfriend's place for the first time.
    It was funny, he was fine with his son staying over but said if it was his daughter, no way would it happen. That started a whole other conversation! Anyway...
    I think a lot of this comes down to what you and your family, together with the other teen's family are comfortable with. My dad wouldn't let boys sleep over, even in different rooms even when I was 18. His house, his rules.
    I think speaking with the girl's parents is a great idea. It role models mature behaviour for them. It makes sure everyone's expectations are acknowledged, discussed and any boundaries are understood.

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    We personally don't have and issue with it. It's going to happen and prefer it to happen here. My parents were strict. No bfs to sleep in my room unless we were engaged.
    We have had the safe chat etc.

    It's more how to approach her mum. He has been going over to her house most weekend but not sleeping over.

    How do we talk to her mum and not cause issues with him and her and his trust with us

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    I wouldn't at that age as I think 16 (for the girl) is far to young to be spending a large chunk of time thinking about and/or taking part in sex. And that's what's going to be going on if there is a sleep over -they won't just be playing Monopoly.

    I definitely wouldn't be allowing it without chatting with the other child's parents.

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    Default Teenager help!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by lese82 View Post
    .

    How do we talk to her mum and not cause issues with him and her and his trust with us
    If your son is mature enough to have his girlfriend sleep over then he's mature enough to:
    1) ensure his girlfriend has has 'the talk' with her parents
    2) ensure contraception is organised
    3) organise for you and his girlfriend parents to meet and turn a blind eye when you sneak off to have a 'talk.'

    If your son is too embarassed to consider these things then he's not ready to share his bed overnight with his girlfriend.

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    My son is in a long term relationship and they are both almost 17. There's no general rule, it's too broad a question.. I believe it comes down to individual circumstances.
    I know that many would scoff at this, but for me, I am completely positive that my DS is not se,xually active. We have an extremely close relationship and I know him better than anyone else on earth. He's not active. Not yet. His gf is over at my house a lot but never overnight. I can walk in to his room at any given moment and he and his gf will be glued to the Nintendo. I'm not naive, I had HIM when I was 17! But he's nothing like I was at 16/17. I was drinking and wild and obviously had s3x at that age. I guess my point is, it all comes down to trust and communication. S3x is normal and generally teens start exploring between 15-18. Some more so than others.
    Are you OK with them doing that? If so, then better they are in the safety of your home than sneaking around somewhere. Ensure they BOTH use contraception.
    If you aren't comfortable with the notion of them doing that, I'd simply say no to sleepovers.
    Although I know my DS isn't doing it, for my DH and I, we just don't think it's age appropriate or neccassay for sleepovers yet. It's a personal thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lese82 View Post
    We personally don't have and issue with it. It's going to happen and prefer it to happen here. My parents were strict. No bfs to sleep in my room unless we were engaged.
    We have had the safe chat etc.

    It's more how to approach her mum. He has been going over to her house most weekend but not sleeping over.

    How do we talk to her mum and not cause issues with him and her and his trust with us
    Sorry didn't see this when I replied before.
    What's the problem? Obviously there needs to be some form of communication between you and her mother regarding her stance on sleepovers. I'd tell your DS that you're fine with it but need to check that his gf's mum is on the same page.

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    My husband has two daughters (22 & 19) who live with us full-time. The 19 year old now has a boyfriend and she has stayed at his place, but we've decided that if she asks us if he can stay at our place, the answer will be, "no". We have a five and a half year old son and we don't feel it's appropriate for him to be seeing his half-sister's boyfriend staying over.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lese82 View Post
    We personally don't have and issue with it. It's going to happen and prefer it to happen here. My parents were strict. No bfs to sleep in my room unless we were engaged.
    We have had the safe chat etc.

    It's more how to approach her mum. He has been going over to her house most weekend but not sleeping over.

    How do we talk to her mum and not cause issues with him and her and his trust with us
    Honestly - let your son and his girlfriend approach them. They are adults (well, nearly) and are the ones wanting this relationship. This is something THEY need to do ... Not you.

    Tell your son that its ok with you provided that it is ok with her parents (and then after they tell you that it is, get their details and contact them to make sure)

    If they want this responsibility and to be treated as adults, this is part of that.

    best wishes

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