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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Maybe I Mis-interpreted because I had previously seen Rose criticise those parents that aim for 7-7 sleepers. Maybe I put 1+1 together and got 2.25 instead of 2?
    I have issues with sleep training. Not kids that sleep. Are you trying to pick a fight?

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    she's probably just envious 😂
    Not at all. 7-7 sleeping children would not work at all with my life and the needs of my family. But go ahead. Make fun.

  3. #43
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    Default Spinoff - when does it become okay to judge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I have issues with sleep training. Not kids that sleep. Are you trying to pick a fight?
    No - I honestly interpreted your post as having a dig.

    Which raises some interesting aspects for the judgement thread though:

    1) Should I/others refrain from judging a current situation/post based on past situation/post history? Or is there a place in some cases for bringing the past into the judgement equation (eg child abuse cases)

    2) can someone judge without meaning to? Or does lack of overt intention to judge mean there was no judging?

    3) Does consistent and overt messaging that focuses on ones own actions (stating ones own method is superior) rather than the actions of others (I don't like your method) count as judging by association?

    4) are perceptions (rather than intent alone) a valid part of the judgement equation? If someone feels they are being judged due to rushed/careless wording of another, does that mean they are being judged as opposed to being sensitive or just plain wrong?

    That's enough thought provoking tid-bits from myself for today!!! Coffee time!
    Last edited by VicPark; 13-05-2016 at 07:17.

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  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    Everyone judges. Judging is not necessarily negative. It's a personal analysis of something that determines our own opinions of something. Judging is necessary for forming opinions, positive and negative.

    So in short, yes I judge, I seldom voice my negative judgments but they are used to form my own thoughts on certain issues.

    E.g. From the Rachael finch situation I guess my judgment was: not for me (negative judgment - personal) but it doesn't harm anyone so who am I to say it's a bad thing?

    I would express a negative judgment in a case where I thought someone might be at risk.
    Exactly this

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    But not every woman works just to pay the interest on the mortgage or pay an overdue gas bill though. PLenty (and they are on this forum) find being at home FT bat sh*t boring (as a SAHM that doesn't insult me in the slightest). They work for social interaction. For a trip to Africa every year instead of the Gold Coast. Because she enjoys adult interaction.

    So essentially it's a choice for these women, who then put their kids in CC. Now I have zero judgment of that. I love being a SAHM but I get some women would rather blow their brains out. How is that different?
    I get what you're saying...

    I still think it's a different kettle of fish to take 2 x nights off from your kids per week to sip martini's with your husband (yes assumption there) to taking 2 x nights off from your kids for whatever reason that allows you to pull income into your household (whether that be to maintain an average lifestyle or one that allows for an overseas holiday each year is irrelevant to me).

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    bpac  (13-05-2016)

  8. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I get what you're saying...

    I still think it's a different kettle of fish to take 2 x nights off from your kids per week to sip martini's with your husband (yes assumption there) to taking 2 x nights off from your kids for whatever reason that allows you to pull income into your household (whether that be to maintain an average lifestyle or one that allows for an overseas holiday each year is irrelevant to me).
    But isn't that a value judgment in itself? You consider income, even if it's not 'needed' as a better excuse than time together. Maybe bc she works days and he works nights they are ships passing in the night and they are trying to keep the marriage together *for* their daughter? Personally I would rather a couple work on their marriage to provide a healthy, loving environment for their child than buy 'stuff'. But right there, that's my value judgment

    Look, like I said, there is no way I would do it. I would pine for my kids and they would for us too, especially DS2. But the child seems happy, loved and looked after. She has lots of time with her parents during the week and has a wonderful relationship with her grandparents. I certainly wasn't criticising those that work and use care; be that bc they have to work to live... or live to work. But I think it's a fair comparison.

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  10. #47
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    I judge. But then i always remind myself that the person is maybe going through something i know nothing about . Not everything is always as it seems.

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    VicPark  (13-05-2016)

  12. #48
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    I agree with RAH...in the case of Rachel Finch...dad has the child until 3pm, mum has the child until bed time, and they have Sunday together. So what if they have two nights and a day to spend as a couple each week. It sounds like they don't see each other during the week at all. They can have Sunday as family time.
    I think it's easy to judge this situation when you are a mon-fri 9-5 worker. Kids in bed at 7, couple time every night by 8pm. I work most weekends...so my days off with my kids are often when they're at school. DH and I get about two hours of quality time together a week. I say good on you Rachel Finch...sounds like you've got the work/relationship/kid balance sorted out far better than what I do.
    As for judging in general. I work with families for a living...it's my job not to judge, and that obviously spills over in to my non work life.
    Last edited by Full House; 13-05-2016 at 10:48.

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  14. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    But isn't that a value judgment in itself? You consider income, even if it's not 'needed' as a better excuse than time together. Maybe bc she works days and he works nights they are ships passing in the night and they are trying to keep the marriage together *for* their daughter? Personally I would rather a couple work on their marriage to provide a healthy, loving environment for their child than buy 'stuff'. But right there, that's my value judgment

    Look, like I said, there is no way I would do it. I would pine for my kids and they would for us too, especially DS2. But the child seems happy, loved and looked after. She has lots of time with her parents during the week and has a wonderful relationship with her grandparents. I certainly wasn't criticising those that work and use care; be that bc they have to work to live... or live to work. But I think it's a fair comparison.
    How do you know she is happy, loved and looked after, loved and looked after yes, likely, but happy? How do you know that?

    How will she feel when she's older and finds out her parents did that?

    Also how do you know she has lots of time with her parents. They both work during the week do they not?

    There are so many things we don't know.

    I just worry about their child when she grows up. I'd feel pretty **** if my parents left me with my grandparents for 2 nights a week every single week. It's a recipe for emotional issues when she's older IMO.

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  16. #50
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    Being devils advocate Here.

    But how do you know a child isn't happy being in daycare?

    Or anything?

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